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March 18th, 2010
Why you should NOT raise a reader
March 18th, 2010
- Image via Wikipedia
Everyone tells you to raise a reader. Read to them when they are babies, read them stories every night, model reading behavior. A great, or even good dad, will devote hours in slavish devotion to this idea. Well, here’s one dad who will tell you what the evil publishing scientists and lobbyists won’t: reading isn’t fundamental; it’s fundamentally mental. Teach your child to read and you’re in for fifteen years of hardship and maybe even more. Here’s why:
Image via Wikipedia
1. Reading with your kid eats up precious time. “Lost” is on at 8PM where I live. Enough said.
2. Nightly reading isn’t a good habit. It’s an expensive addiction that will only lead to more books and larger books. Books that will bleed a family’s budget dry and consume short-in-supply storage space faster than a collection of restaurant napkins. If they must read, start them early at the public library, which was invented to help the addicted and afflicted.
3. Teach a child to read and you lose them forever. If I have to say, “Put that book down and watch this football game with me,” one more time, I will scream. Books interfere with things you could be doing together. Don’t get me started on how hard it is to clean off books soaked in mashed potatoes when read at dinner time.
4. Book-reading kids are sassy know-it-alls. At ten, my child should know exactly ZERO more than I do. It does no one any good if she can name the capitol of California, when I know it’s Los Angeles. Book reading children extract every advantage they can get and will trick you out of ice cream cones and cookies if you bet with them.
5. Book readers don’t listen and they hide behind the immersion in a book to avoid household chores like cleaning the furnace or hosing down the cats. “Let them read,” is society’s way of giving up on the problem and allowing book-reading to expand unchecked.
6. Book reading leads to to writing. Writing can lead to poetry, short stories, and even fiction. These are not healthy pursuits for young bodies and minds.
7. Reading leads to higher education. It has been proven that higher education leads to penury. And if not penury, a career waiting tables “while waiting for that big break.” Education is just a big hole. Not since the 19th century has anyone even hoped they could learn it all and dominate the subject.
So, there you have it: as cogent an argument against reading as I can muster. Let them read if you must, but monitor the practice more carefully than if you saw them reaching for a pack of Salems. This stuff is dangerous, it grows like bamboo, and it lasts a lifetime.
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Thanks, but I’ll pass. – Chef creates breast milk cheese
March 9th, 2010
Dads in the Mix: John Doe-Berg
March 8th, 2010I lost my identity. I was born identifying as a middle class white Jew. I no longer identify religiously nor do I identify as being white. My own family is “mixed” and, as I have come to understand, race identification is only a consequence of prejudice anyway. I am part of a human family. So, I lost the identity I grew up with or rather, I dissociated from it. Am I worse off? I don’t think so. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I now have an identity that is truly my own rather than pushed onto me by family and society. Having said that, I do realize others may identify me differently than I do myself and some of the things I am today are also things assigned to me.
But, while I am relatively secure in my identity (mind you, while keeping an open mind), my kids are still developing theirs. I think a lot about what role I will play in how they will know themselves as they mature. Should I be fostering a connection to a religion that I don’t completely believe in, if it means giving them a chance to understand their heritage or be a part of a community? Should I be promoting identity with one racial group over another even though I know that is giving ammunition to hatred, if it means enabling them to identify?
Certainly it is important to identify with a community and have a strong sense of belonging. We all strive to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. But it is just as important to be an individual with your own thoughts and reason? Can you belong and still be separate? I think that is the model for a successful community.
The specific issues I deal with in my family are Judaism and blackness. I was raised Jewish and my wife is black. There are elements from both extremes that pull at me and will pull at my kids. I certainly want them to know where they come from and their family history. I want them to learn about who they are and be proud of it. There are, however, elements that would criticize me for just being in an interracial and interfaith relationship. These are people who say I am abandoning my race or religion or that my wife is giving up her unique blackness. That is nonsense. Truthfully, creating heterogeneous generations only lessons prejudice and hate. It does not necessitate abandoning a connection to one’s heritage to do it. And, what is wrong with using our heritages to create a new shared heritage?
So many people hear the word assimilation and are frightened because they feel they will lose something that is uniquely theirs. I agree that assimilation is not the best word to use. I like integration much better because it implies a two-way process. We redefine ourselves by absorbing the good things in other cultures while still retaining our own. Although we are becoming a nation of acceptance and tolerance at a rapid rate, specifically black and Jewish identity in America has been defined by factors that hinder this type of fluid reciprocal acceptance and incorporation.
According to Harvard Sociologist Orlando Patterson, “The Act of Emancipation abolished only the first part of slavery, the master’s ownership; far from removing the concept of the ex-slave as someone who did not belong, it reinforced it.” There is no doubt we have come a long way especially since the civil rights movement and the abolishment of Jim Crow. But, even today as we worship black celebrities, our private lives are still quite segregated and, in the States, there is still a definite fear of losing our connection to our white or black “race.”
As far as Judaism, there is a strong sense of identity that takes it beyond the realm of just a religion into the sphere of “peoplehood” due to many factors, not the least of which is a struggle for a homeland and a shared history of being the victims of attempted genocide.
Therefore, if I don’t raise my kids Jewish, I am looked at as wrong by some and, if my kids don’t identify as strictly black, they will be considerer traitors to others. I won’t give in to the guilt. Our identities are what we decide and there is no reason we cannot be proud of our history and keep our heritage alive while, at the same time, defining ourselves for ourselves.
I have heard much jingoistic rhetoric railing against multiculturalism because other nations don’t have what America does or other races don’t have what “ours” does or other religions … you get the idea. Do they mean the good or the bad, the freedom or the poverty, the justice or the crime? Every culture on Earth has good and bad and every person has something to give and only ignorance and close-mindedness prevents us from learning from others and growing and changing from what we learn.
Ultimately, what I believe is that we need to teach our children to be good people who practice loving kindness and the universal values shared by all people, regardless of religious, ethnic or racial identity.
Piling on – Air controller dad loses job when kids do his
March 8th, 2010
It’s hard to believe with all that’s happening in the world, but this story has dominated the TV networks every day.
An air traffic controller’s stunt in letting his 9-year-old twins direct planes has landed with a thud – on the kids.
The brother and sister are blaming themselves because their father has been suspended for bringing them to work at Kennedy Airport, a relative said Thursday.
“The kids are upset,” Glenn Duffy’s brother-in-law, Larry Johnstone, told the Daily News. “They feel it’s their fault … They’re thinking, ‘Daddy’s in trouble because of me.’”
[From We cost Dad his job! Kids who took over for Kennedy airport air traffic controller blame themselves]
Was it the horrible travesty and violation that Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood suggests? Or was is just a typical “Bring your Child to Work” day?
My knee-jerk opinion was “mountain out of molehill,” but have come to agree with Ray LaHood that this is more than just bad judgment on the dad’s part. It wasn’t a case of him just bending the rules a little, and while nothing the kids did put anyone in danger, it showed a carelessness that could creep in if higher standards of security aren’t kept. As people in other professions have mentioned, would you want a cop’s child calling in crimes on a police radio? Would you want a surgeon asking his daughter to help prep a patient? There are lots of professions where this wouldn’t be an issue, but in these cases, kids need to get a simulated lesson on what daddy does at work, rather than bring them to really sit in.
But does it warrant five days of news coverage? More like a slap on the wrist for the dad and everyone back to work.
Chile Earthquake shifts earth’s axis
March 2nd, 2010Now, this is wild stuff. The changes are amazingly tiny to us; the day is shortened by milliseconds. But it’s still astounding that a quake can have a cosmic effect. The Chile quake is the eight biggest on record.
[From Chile Earthquake May Have Shortened Days on Earth - Yahoo! News]
Mini-Review – Pocket Doodles for Kids – a good book for a plane ride
February 26th, 2010
Pocket Doodles for Kids is a fun book for kids who like to draw. When my daughter first saw this book at nine, though she fancied herself a budding an artist, it was hard for her to know what to do. At almost 10 though, she had a a lot of fun with it.
The principle of the book is simple. It’s a lot of half-finished drawings that give just enough detail that a young artist can add on to complete the picture. Depending on the artist, the end result can be a funny cartoon with a caption or just a completed drawing. This is not a coloring book, but a good idea starter for young (or older) illustrators.
We had this small book on a plane ride to grandma’s and it was a good distraction.
Review: JumpStart.com
February 22nd, 2010Computer details: Inspiron M1530, Vista Home Premium, 32-bit
Rarely are websites for children educational – and if they are, they grow old really fast. I’ve been on my share of kid’s game sites, looking for something for my child to play (and learn at the same time – otherwise, we’ll just go outside, play, and get some good exercise!). I’ve run into the typical Let’s-Raise-Virtual-Pets! type of websites and they’re not for my family. They’re less learning and more product promotion, in the end (No, I don’t want to buy a $19.99 stuffed animal, magazine, or anything else just so my child can get something virtual and show off that he bought your product – my family is aiming to use the computer to learn!).
When I was approached to try JumpStart.com, I was understandably leery – learning and games usually heavily rely on the games part. I wound up pleasantly surprised when the game turned out to be expansive, encompassed a lot, and fairly easy to grasp individual game objectives.
A 3D virtual world where you control what you see and what you do, JumpStart had me intrigued from the very beginning.
Pros:
- Expansive – there is a lot to explore and a lot to do at JumpStart.com (also see: Cons)
- Extensive – the variety of games and learning opportunities is impressive
- Easy to Navigate – using a fairly modern computer (within the last few years, I would hazard to guess), the game flows well.
- Fun – it has been both fun for my child to play and fun to watch them enjoying (And yes, I played myself and yes, I enjoyed myself. There is no age limits on entertainment!)
Cons:
- Overall, I was duly impressed – as I had said, it is very infrequent that I find a website for children that I approve of, but JumpStart has fit the bill. My child looks forward to future updates, new games, and the changing of the scenery (for winter, summer, etc.).
Ok, that’s a lie; I’m totally looking forward to those things, too.
www.JumpStart.com
GreatDad.com Review Policy: The featured product for this review was provided to us, at no cost, by the manufacturer or representing PR agency for the sole purpose of product testing. We do not accept monetary compensation for reviewing or writing about products. We only review products that we have personally tested and used in our own homes, and all opinions expressed are our own.
Sex after pregnancy – a national magazine wants to know!
February 19th, 2010
I would like to hear from moms with newborns (as well as moms with older children, for comparison) about how they feel or felt about sex for the first year or two after childbirth. In particular, I’d like to know:I hope this is an extensive story. The changes in the dynamics of a couple’s relationship with the addition of kids are important to explore. Otherwise, all involved continue to have different expectations of what is “normal” for other couples in their evolution from adolescents to adults to parents. The worst thing for a marriage is a nagging feeling that changes aren’t inevitable and that your particular situation is different than everyone up and down the street.
- Did your desire diminish or disappear entirely? (FYI, this is totally normal; hence this story…)
- Did you expect to feel the way you did about sex after the baby? Did anyone prepare you for this?
- Did your partner’s interest in sex change at all?
- Did you realize that couples who have sex less than 10 times a year are considered to be in “sexless marriages” (which would mean many postpartum couples are indeed in sexless marriages)?
- If you find yourself with a baby and little or no sexual desire, when (if ever) would you seek help? Or do you assume this is something that will remedy itself as your child grows older? Moms with older children are invited to weigh in with their wisdom/experiences, particularly if they experienced a sexual lull but have managed to overcome it.
7 Ideas for healthy snacking for kids based on Food Rules by Michael Pollan
February 13th, 2010Jane Brody again has another immensely readable and helpful column in the New York Times that summarizes Michael Pollan’s newest book, Food Rules.
The article is worth a read once a week, or maybe even once a day, because our entire culture really is constantly reminding us to break those “rules” of good nutrition. “Have a syrupy drink. Munch a crunchy oily snack. Eat a sugary cookie. Maybe just one. You deserve it.” The best parent is fighting a continuous battle to teach good eating habits at least while the kids are at home, not too raise scrawny lactose-free vegans who can’t eat anything and look like it, but to raise kids who develop a taste for things that are good for them, rather than those that just fill them up fast. 
I particularly liked Ms. Brody’s (and Pollan’s) suggestions on snacking, one of the worst of our daily habits.
Although the most wholesome eating pattern consists of three leisurely meals a day, and preferably a light meal at night, if you must have snacks, stick to fresh and dried fruits, vegetables and nuts, which are naturally loaded with healthful nutrients. I keep a dish of raisins and walnuts handy to satisfy the urge to nibble between meals. I also take them along for long car trips. Feel free to use the gas-station restroom, but never “get your fuel from the same place your car does,” Mr. Pollan writes.
Personal Health – Food Rules From Michael Pollan Worth Following
I have to say that I fall victim to a cliché we’ve seen over and over on TV. Kids come home from school. They are hungry. Of course, they should have cookies and milk. Because that’s what I’ve seen on TV hundreds of times and I think it’s what a good mom or dad does for their kids. That’s actually where my mind goes when they come home and complain that they are hungry. I literally have to stop and think twice and then suggest something else on some days.
Some suggestions for healthy snacking:
1. Freeze plain yogurt and frozen or fresh fruit in popsicles. It’s amazing how form factor affects young appetites. Avoid the yogurts that are filled with gelatin and extra sweeteners.
2. Buy different dip-friendly vegetables and leave out where kids can grab them. You might have to leave out 3-4 options like celery, carrots, pea pods and broccoli to see what gets eaten, but, if that’s what’s out, they might surprise you. Cream cheese, while still 50 calories for a tablespoon is still a kid-friendly lower-fat though it has a bit more fat than regular old cheddar cheese at about 35 calories for a tablespoon. We’ve had to develop a change of habit when it comes to vegetables. A little more gets thrown away, but a lot more gets eaten if I prepare a little bit in advance so I can often set out a bowl of cut up yellow or red peppers, some snow peas, some carrots and some celery. Give them lots of choices and find stuff they can use as dip, like peanut butter or….#3 next:
3. Try hummus, which often comes in different flavors. Some kids will eat a boatload of this healthy mixture of crushed chick peas, olive or canola oil, a little salt (100 mg. for 2 tablespoons), lemon juice, some spices, and garlic. We usually get our hummus from Trader Joe’s which makes a natural blend with olive oil. It has about 70 calories for a 2 TBS serving. We recently tried Tribe Hummus which is all-natural as well, and comes in flavors like extra garlic and red pepper. It’s made with canola oil which is an oil low in saturated fat and has only 50 calories per 2 TBS serving. Look for natural options in your neck of the woods. The only drawback of this healthy food is that your kids might start farting very odiferous farts. It’s a small price to pay for healthier eating, especially if you have a distant rec room with good ventilation.
4. Leave out dried fruit as a substitute for candy. We like plain old raisins, but now, almost all fruits are dried up to make healthier snacks. The one caveat here is that many, especially those with health claims all over the box, use added sugar to make them even that much better tasting. We also tried more novelty items like Frutabu, which is a kid-oriented brand that makes eating “smooshed” fruit rolls look fun. My kids gobbled them down and asked for more. All the ingredients are natural and there is no added sugar that doesn’t come from the fruit. Sadly, the kids prefer the bright packaging and form factor, but I have to admit to hoarding a few of them myself.
5. While nuts are a calorie-high snacking food for adults, they are great for nutrition and some nutritionists suggest eating 10-20 almonds every day (around 100 calories). If your kids like nuts, this is a far better option than a bag of chips (and they don’t crush in a lunch bag. As with other nuts, be aware of choking hazard for kids under three, as well as the possibility of life-threatening food allergies.
6. Another option in small quantities is olives. Olives are concentrated in monounsaturated fats and a good source of vitamin E. Each olive is five to six calories so should only be part of a mix of other healthy snacks, especially since the sodium content is high at about 60 mg. per medium size olive. The USDA suggests a sodium intake of less than 2300mg. for adults and some doctors think that number should be lower than 1000mg. Most medium size olives are around 10 calories and about 75 mg. of salt.
7. Let them have ice cream or other sweets on occasion. At our house, it’s ice cream Fridays. Sure the kids would love ice cream every day, but they know (mostly) not to expect that will happen.
Don’t demonize eating the “bad stuff” or you risk kids fetishizing the foods that mom and dad think are so baaaddddd. It’s better to provide more healthy options and educate kids why the stuff you are giving them is good for their growing bodies.
I’d love to hear more ideas. Write me at Paul AT GreatDad . com or leave a comment below.
