Over 165 comments, many from stay-at-home dads feeling misunderstood, respond to an anonymous guest blogger’s story about an incident of adultery, his admitted chauvinism, and his pervasive feeling that he is being “kept” by his high-powered wife at Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist. The blog, which is the first time Trunk has allowed a guest to be anonymous, really touched a nerve, which leads us to wonder what kind of experiences Great Dads are having with staying at home?

A new study, reported on by MSNBC, argues that first-born children really do have it harder than their siblings. Here’s an excerpt from the article: 

Now, a new study has confirmed what first-borns like Joshua have always suspected: The oldest kid in the family really does bear the brunt of parental strictness, while the younger brothers and sisters generally coast on through.  

“The folklore is that parents punish the older child more than the younger ones,” says Lingxin Hao, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University and an author of the study, published in the latest issue of the Economic Journal. “But it isn’t just folklore — this is a national pattern.” 

You can read the full article here.

The subtitle of the book is “Building a Closer Connection with Your Baby,” and that’s what we hope the book will help dads do: feel closer and more connected to the little people in their lives. If you’re interested, you can read the preface here: My dad used to sit on the bathroom counter while he shaved and brushed his teeth, finished dressing, and tied his tie. I did the same with my toddler. It would be before dawn and very quiet, and I would set our daughter on the side of the sink while I shaved, talking quietly to her. Something about being alone together, trying made it exciting and special for her. It didn’t matter that I was busily getting ready; she was glad to come along, and even the sense of purpose was fun for her, just as she still likes to come on the most boring and mundane errands—to the post office, the DMV, even the dentist. When my daughter accompanies me, she doesn’t act bored and impatient. The outing becomes more like an occasion, and I enjoy it more too.

One day, at the sink, she insisted on shaving me. She was just three. If not for the fact that I remember sitting on the sink to watch my dad shave, I wouldn’t even have considered putting a razor into my toddler’s hand and letting her at my throat. I showed her the motion (down, pick up, down—never sideways!—and don’t press hard) and guided her hand through it a couple times. I told her how my grandfather, each morning before he went to elementary school, had gone upstairs to his own grandfather’s room with a straight razor, soap, and brush, to shave him after he had gone blind in his old age. She looked totally absorbed by this, and held her hand steady, so I positioned her hand at the top of my cheek and let her try a stroke. She carefully removed a stripe of shaving cream from my cheek, without trimming a single whisker. We worked on the pressure a bit, and she did most of the flat, easy parts of my cheeks.

My daughter was very proud to have been allowed this responsibility, and to have done something to care for me the way I normally took care of her. It was a bonding moment, which she has asked to repeat every few months since, and which I’ve carried on with her two younger siblings as they reached that age—without a single scratch.

Most men are like I was before my first child, having never even held a baby in our lives and with little or no experience taking care of kids. Of course we feel apprehensive about bonding and unsure how to interact with our offspring. I knew, though, that if I let my apprehension put me in the back seat in parenting, I would be taking a step back from one of the most important experiences of my life. I needed to take the initiative and create my own ways to bond with my child, right from the beginning.

It’s hard to engage after work when you’re tired and stressed, and part of the choice facing fathers is whether to play it safe, stay in that work mode and be very hands-off at home, or to engage with our children, something for which we’ve had no practice, and makes us feel unsure of ourselves.

Bonding with a baby or small child is about the small moments that you spend together, looking at each other, talking, taking walks. It’s not something that happens instantly. It’s a relationship that grows over time. That’s what this book is about: practical, everyday things to do to enjoy being with your children and forge the bond for both of you.

A lot of dads feel closer to older children, the ones who can catch a ball and enjoy a slice of pizza. But the bonding process starts in infancy, in hundreds of small ways. That’s where we’ll start—we’ll get to ball and pizza later.

On April 25th and April 26th the Council on Contemporary Families is holding a conference called “Family Issues in Contention.”

Here’s some information from the press release:

PROGRAM HIGHLIGHTS

Teen sexuality and “hooking up”: Should we be worried?

We’ve all heard the stories: teenage girls performing oral sex on boys they just met at a party; college students avoiding lasting relationships by “hooking up” on weekends. What is a hook-up? Who does it? What are its effects on women? On men? And does it endanger commitment and marriage as life goals? Hear the differing perspectives of Stanford sociologist Paula England—who has interviewed students around the country on this topic; Laura Sessions Stepp, reporter for the Washington Post and author of Unhooked; and psychologist Deborah Tolman, research associate and former director of San Francisco State University’s Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality.

Cohabitation: Is cohabitation is “good” for love or for marriage?

“The conventional wisdom is that living together before marriage is associated with a higher chance of divorce,” explains Pamela Smock, a University of Michigan demographer who will present her research at the CCF conference. Updated research evidence, Smock argues, throw these conclusions into doubt. But marriage researcher Scott Stanley (University of Denver) warns that when cohabitors “drift” into marriage, they face heightened risks. Other panelists include psychologist Jaslean LaTalliade (University of Maryland), and sociologist Catherine Kenney (Bowling Green State University).

Divorce: Should they stay or should they go?

What are the latest thoughts on divorce versus sticking it out? Relationship expert Pepper Schwartz (University of Washington) explains that this panel will examine several key questions about marital stability. “First, what is the latest research on whose marriages are lasting or dissolving? Second, what is the debate among clinical professionals over the counselor’s role in advising couples to stay or go? Third, what is the role of sex in maintaining a stable relationship and what role should sex play in deciding to end one?” Along with Schwartz, speakers include law professor Nancy Polikoff (American University, author of Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage: Valuing All Families Under the Law) and psychologist Linda Young (Seattle University). In addition, sociologist Alan Jui-Chung Li (Rand Corporation) will present a new study that challenges conventional research methods for assessing the impact of divorce on children. (His sure-to-be controversial findings will be released for advance perusal by the press in early April.)

Adoption — Is Transracial and Transnational Adoption the Right Policy for Parents? Children? Society?

Consider this: Roughly 80-100 million Americans have adoption in their families. We don’t talk about it much, but adoption touches nearly all our lives.”The world of adoption is changing rapidly and radically. The issues adoption raises affect a huge cross-section of Americans. And the issues couldn’t be more touching, personal, or controversial,” explains Adam Pertman, Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute and author of Adoption Nation. This panel will examine topics ranging from Caucasians adopting African Americans, to gays and lesbians becoming parents through adoption, to whether Americans should be adopting from abroad when so many children in this country need homes.Along with Pertman, other presenters include University of Texas-Austin professor of social work Ruth McRoy; Illinois State University professor and foster care expert Jeanne Howard; and University of Illinois-Chicago professor of education and author of Adoption in a Color Blind Society Pamela Quiroz.

Mike Stobbe, an AP medical writer, published an article today covering the press conference given by Terry and Jon Poling (Jon himself is a neurologist) who believe their 9-year-old daughter was damaged by the series of vaccines she was given when she was 18 months old. The government has agreed to compensate the Polings and the money will be paid from a federal fund that compensates people injured by vaccines. You can read the full article here

A study published in the journal Human Reproduction reports that babies of teenage fathers (ages 19 and younger) are at higher risk of having problems at birth than babies born to older dads. According to a Reuters 2/6/2008 article about the study published on the Scientific American Web site, these babies are: 1) 15% more likely to be born premature 2) 13% more likely to have a low birthrate 3) 13% more likely to have a low Apgar score 4) 22% higher risk to die in the first 4 weeks after birth and 5) 41% higher risk to die after the first 4 weeks and before the first birthday