One thing that must be dealt with in mixed families and in most families for that matter is religion.  I personally don’t believe that a family can really get along if they have drastically different belief systems.  I am an atheist and believe in the untapped potential of the human mind.  My wife does not ascribe to any religious dogma either but tends to be more spiritual than I and even uses the word god, although, her definition, I dare say, would differ greatly from that of a devotee of a specific religion.  Even though my family is Jewish and hers is Baptist, our personal beliefs are close enough that we find common ground, learn from each other and are, most importantly, in agreement about what our children are taught.  Religious belief is incredibly important to people and, as the “holiday” season approaches, along with goodwill, tensions also rise surrounding the “hows” and the “whats” of celebration and practice.  Sometimes those sensitivities, I believe, run a little too high and get in the way of what we should be focusing on; family, universal values, loving kindness, etc.

Ironically and somewhat hypocritically, I admit, I work for a Jewish temple (sent through an employment agency).  Someone called the temple during the December holiday season a while back to ask me if putting holly up in their company’s common areas for decoration would be appropriate.  They wanted to know if it had a negative connotation or was offensive to Jews.  They also wanted to know if there was a more neutral but still seasonal decoration that they might use to spruce up their building grounds.

Holly is one of the symbols of Christmas, representing the crown that Jesus wore and the flower of the material from which the cross was built amongst other things.  Since Jews don’t celebrate Christmas, let alone believe that Jesus was the son of god, my first thought was obvious:  create wreathes of holly in the shape of Jewish stars.

However, if you represent both Judaism and Christianity in your decorations do you offend neither – or do you offend both?  Further, what about all the other religions not represented?

What if you used symbols from all religions in your decor?  Well, that design might get a little busy.  I don’t know that a Christmas tree flocked with Hanukkah blue faux-snow, adorned with lotus flowers and a nine-pointed Bhai’i star and placed upon a Kwanzaa mkeka (mat) would be so Feng Shui.

So, logically, I recommended created a completely non-denominational atmosphere.  The major symbols of the holidays like menorahs, dreidels, Jewish stars, objects of African heritage, Christmas trees, wreathes, frankincense, myrrh, ivy, mistletoe, holly, poinsettias, candy canes, statuettes of men in loincloths, animals or swaddled babies and crucifixes would be the obvious things to avoid.

And, since Hanukkah has the menorah, Kwanzaa has the misumaa saba (seven candles) and Christmas is associated with light and candles, it would be best to avoid any lighted display.  Especially do to the fact that the number of candles lit varies from religion to religion.

Further, any invocation of the solstice or other Pagan holiday would certainly not do.  So, the place should be constantly heated to avoid association with winter.  Any snow naturally fallen should be removed as it falls.

The crescent moon and star of course is used widely as representative of Islam. This also might mean that the grounds would be closed at night or outfitted with a roof-like covering so nobody would see the moon and stars in the sky and think they might be left visible intentionally to invoke Islam.

Plus, subtler symbolism like Christmas bells or the Buddhist Precious Umbrella or Dharma Wheel should not be part of the mis-en-scene either.  This means that the location should be soundproof in case there are bells at nearby locations.  Streets around the location should be blocked off so that the wheels on the cars aren’t misconstrued (this can be arranged with the city) and people should be restricted from carrying umbrellas even if it rains.

Fruits and vegetables (especially corn) are associated with Kwanzaa and any other food, unless checked by a rabbi might not be Kosher.  If it were Kosher, it might offend the tastes of those who are not Jewish.  Thus, people should not be allowed to eat or carry food through the decorative area.

Further, I suggested being cautious with coloring.  I recommended staying away from Hanukkah blue, white or silver.  Red and green stand for both Christmas and Kwanzaa, which is also represented by black so these would also be colors to avoid.  Of course any other color derived from combinations of these colors could be construed as being biased.  And transparent or translucent decoration could not be used since placing them in front of anything colored which would be seen through them might be offensive as well.

I also realized that joy, dreams, miracles and any other emotion or concept associated with religion should be kept to oneself as one enjoys exists in the decorated area.  You wouldn’t want anyone else to think the company put you up to feeling or thinking a certain way to promote one religion over another.

It finally came down to suggesting the decorations be a nice black hole, which of course would have to be referred to as a “great void” because, as I mentioned, the black Kwanzaa candle.  But, then again, if you are trying to be neutral so as not to offend a particular religion and you decorate with quantum physics, which is science, you might be seen as catering to atheists by all those religious people who reject science.

At this point the solution is extremely clear.  Offer handicapped differently-abled children to do the decorating.  Nobody gets offended by them.  But, just in case, the only material you provide them to do the decorating is a legal notice that makes clear your intentions are not to offend or show bias.

Just don’t use my tax dollars to pay for it!

It’s barely Thanksgiving and I already see holiday decorations around town.  Let’s start this season off with the intention to remember what matters in life and get along, regardless of religious affiliation or lack thereof

Share on Facebook

I used to do stand up comedy as a hobby. (I know you couldn’t guess that by the seriousness of my posts but it’s true). In one of my bits, I proposed that my wife and I (she is black and I am white) walk into a restaurant in a particularly racist pocket of America; she dressed in traditional African clothing and I in a Klan robe. We would sit in a booth and just start making out heavily – just to get a reaction.

Racism exists all over this country and the world. The seemingly unanswerable question is “how do we fight it?”

In my previous post (Unintentional Prejudice) I pointed out a relatively innocuous example of a questionable situation at my daughter’s school where there may or may not have been racism involved. In that post I expressed frustration with a lack of recourse or action that might shed light on it without having adverse consequences for my daughter. Since then I have been thinking quite a bit about the subject. Certainly, in some ways racism has been quite diluted today compared to the levels it once was and this should be celebrated as we move to eradicate it further. However, in other ways is has become even more concentrated and harmful. One example of this is something I came across recently that illustrated how prejudice and hatred of all kinds (racism, homophobia, sexism, etc.) has evolved into the insidious and extremely dangerous bigotry that masquerades as honest scientific inquiry. This convinced me that I really must do something.

I was going to write about a particular study and how it was totally twisted by a white supremacist group to try and show, scientifically, that mixed-race people are biologically inferior. I had dissected their argument and provided proof and statistics to show how idiotic their bastardization of the study was. But, the community to whom this post is directed is one of intelligent individuals who don’t need the case made for equality and mutual respect. Plus, to argue with nonsense would be to give it validity it does not deserve. So, I decided I wanted to focus on the question I asked above; what can be done?

One reason hatred continues to exist is because it is instilled in us as youth and humans have trouble extricating ourselves from what we are taught when we are young, nonsense or not. It is the same reason that if you are brought up in a certain religion, you will most likely follow that religion as an adult, logical or not. This is why it is SO important that kids be taught tolerance for all. We need to not necessarily always write letters to teachers or argue with hate groups. We need to personally inculcate our youth with ideals that teach love and acceptance so that future generations will not experience prejudice and, supremacists of any color or ilk, hate as they may, will be rendered impotent.

I finally realized what I should be doing is what I am already doing, talking to my kids rather than just writing to their teachers. But, I also concluded that I must take a step further and communicate with my daughter’s teachers about what I expect to be taught in school and even go into the classroom and participate in discussions. To that end, I would like to provide a great resource to parents who are interested in helping their kids’ schools build tolerance curriculum. There is an amazing group called the Southern Poverty Law Center that fights all forms of discrimination. They have a teaching arm called Teaching Tolerance which provides award winning resources to educators, including a magazine, DVDs, curriculum, books and much more. I recently contacted the principal of Sosie’s school about introducing their yearly Mix It Up at Lunch program that helps develop inclusive school communities.

I am not going to complain about Sosie being moved to a different class in what may or may not have been a decision motivated even unintentionally by racism. I am going to talk to my kids even more about what I believe and make sure their school has the resources and is using them to teach kids acceptance of and respect for all.

Share on Facebook