Traveling with Teens

The protracted screech of a braking train is perhaps the only thing less pleasant than the thought of a no-escape vacation in close quarters with a teenager. Travel can bring out the worst in people and if you are going through a rough patch with your teenager, don’t expect a family vacation to bring out the Waltons in you. There are things you can do, however, to increase your chances of good holiday. Ask your teen to help plan the trip, and make sure it includes things he or she wants to do. Avoid long drives in the car. Allow time for more leisure activities like time in the pool, even if you’re in a “once in a lifetime” spot. Go easy on iPod and video game restrictions to allow everyone a chance to chill out. And, try to keep your own emotions and reactions in check and stop yourself from saying things out loud that will only create more conflict.

Summertime travel can sometimes feel like a sacrifice when each person can’t get exactly what he wants. Travel dynamics and logistics are not nearly as easy as when you were a couple without kids. But like a lot of things in life with kids, if you look at children as an opportunity rather than as an obstacle, you can find things to do together that are made even more special because you are seeing things through their eyes.

I know some couples who have been married for 20 years and never have had a weekend without the kids since they were born. I wouldn’t recommend this. Married couples need nights out, and even nights away to recharge the romantic batteries. Whether it’s a motel down the road, or a trip a thousand miles away, try to make at least one trip away each year. Obviously, this is impossible in some situations where reliable childcare is not available or affordable for such a long time away. If, however, you have family around, take advantage of their generosity, and overcome your guilt, even if for just 24 hours.

Here are some rules to make that getaway easier for you, and for the kids:

1. Go to a place without kids. You want to be around any kids who will make you feel guilty for leaving yours behind. It will be hard to enjoy yourself if you’re both comparing other rugrats to your beautiful, intelligent, and well-mannered kids back home.

2. Do not call home, ET. Make sure everyone is aware that you will not be calling in, if this is a 24-hour trip. Likewise, no one should call you unless it’s truly an emergency.

3. Go in the middle of the week. Yes that sounds counter-intuitive, but if you go midweek, you’ll score three advantages. You might get a cheaper room (if not a business hotel), the kids will be focussed on school, an you’ll benefit from that illicit feeling that you’re cheating the system and playing hookey. This last might add more spice to your adventure away.

4. Plan events you can enjoy together. That doesn’t mean suffering if she wants to tour a flower garden, but it likely means you golfing alone all afternoon is out. The idea is to spend time together, not to take a mini-vacation away from her and the kids.

5. Drive if you can. Pulling away in a car makes the trip start right away, versus after a long day hassle with the airport. If you can limit your destination to just 1-2 hours away, you’ll be able to maximize the feeling putting distance and minimize the stress of too much travel.

6. Give the kids a big gift. And, do let them watch TV and movies while you’re gone. You’re getting away to be pampered; why not let them enjoy themselves too. A little gift left to be opened after you leave will also help ease the pain of separation, or at least distract them a bit.

While it’s hard to cram in a full year of life before kids in a weekend, it sure is fun to try.

Here’s a fun dadventure for those in or close to Oregon. This is a newspaper recount of an expedition made by Jennifer Margulis and her husband, GreatDad contributor, James di Properzio.

If you’ve never been snowshoeing, you probably imagine you’ll crunch effortlessly atop acres of snow in your tennis-racket-like snowshoes, just like Yukon Cornelius, the blustery prospector who subdues the Abominable Snow Monster in “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
But when my husband and I took our three children to Crater Lake on a squally Saturday in December, we grown-ups sank into the snow, flipping the powdery stuff into the faces of those who walked behind us.

The kids, on the other hand, had an easier time of it. They practically ran on top of the fresh snow. All three leapt up after falling, threw themselves down to make snow angels and buried themselves as if the snow were sand at the beach (brrr).

All of which helps explain why the free ranger-led snowshoe walks at Crater Lake are a perfect winter family activity.

The walks last 90 minutes and are different each time. We started ours near the Crater Lake Lodge.

[From A fabulous Crater Lake snowshoe trek - Outdoors - Oregonlive.com]

Guess Who Travel Game - Our kids loved this simple game that teaches kids deductive reasoning as they eliminate suspects to find the last person standing. By asking questions of their competitor like “does the person where glasses” or “have blond hair,” kids can easily play the game even before they can read. It’s an easy to pack travel game, or for playing at home. Unfortunately, the cards, however, are easily lost so it takes an adult around to keep from losing all the parts. My kids played this so many time though, they broke the pieces off the hinges before they lost any cards. $10.45 (a bit more expensive than you would think for a game built like this, but we did get our money’s worth.)

As I settled into my tiny seat on a recent flight, a woman asked me if I’d trade my aisle seat for her middle so she could be, as she said, ” with my girls.” She was a young-ish looking mom-type, and my first reaction was to give up my seat. After all, it was just a short 90 minute flight and for the sake of a beleaguered mom, I could afford to be chivalrous. However, in a split second, I realized that the “girls” she was referring to were the two boisterous women who were already next to me. It was a trip to Las Vegas after all.

Was I close to having been hoodwinked, or was she just using the vernacular of the situation? It’s not important, but I wondered, when would you give up your seat? For a mom with kids? If not giving up the seat meant that you would be baby sitting for a few hours? Only if not inconvenient to you (comparable seat).

My wife and I have traveled all over the world with our kids, and many times, have relied on the courtesy of strangers to untangle the twisted airlines’ seating plans. In 99% of the cases, we’d found people willing to switch, especially when they saw the ages of our little ones, who are now four and eight.

We are starting a ten day summer vacation and, like millions ofnpther families, we’re spend the first day in the plane. My daughter, age eight, is happy though. She has four books and is just discovering Lemoney Snicket.

She’s been asking for a Nintendp DS, but we are holding fast against that. I did give in, finally to Wii, but only because we can play that as a family. The only activity I want her doing that envelops her in her own private world is reading, at this age. Even now, reading for her is a communal activity. She stops every few pages to read me a particularly funny sentence.

Sony Cyber-shot DSCW120MDG/P 7.2 MP Digital Camera with 4x Optical Zoom with Super Steady Shot

$180 - Amazon

I love this camera! We just got the DSCW 120 for our summer holiday and I was hoping it would work well and replace our five year-old DSC V1. The two cameras have several things in common: a Zeiss lens and many manual over-ride features, but the new camera is far smaller and easier to use.

This is a great little camera and represents how far Sony has come in developing an interface that is easy to use. This is the first camera I’ve seen where an explanation of the icons shows up on-screen when you dial a selection. No more trying to remember what an icon of a tree or a mountain is. The explanation is there in big type for you.

The 2.5 inch screen is super clear. One of the main benefits of the camera is the “Smile Shutter technology,” but you have to make sure you dial to the smile icon first, or you’ll miss the feature. At first, I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. Once dialed in though, it took a great photo of my four-year-old who is notorious for NOT saying, “cheese.” The camera also boasts “face detection” to reduce facial glare, shadows, and red-eye.

The buttons all appear to be strong and well-placed, though don’t look for industrial strength materials here. While sturdy, I did not get the feeling that the buttons and dial will last a lifetime. This may not be an issue but should be noted. The case feels strong and solid. No buttons wiggle or feel poorly made.

My eight year-old daughter had no trouble operating this camera, but said she preferred something with fewer buttons and dials. I noted only 2 more buttons than her Kodak EasyShare camera, but other features like the viewfinder and extra dial settings confused her. This isn’t a reason to not choose this camera, but it is a camera with more features, which, for some, means more daunting choices.

While other cameras deliver more megapixels, I was more than happy with the 7.2 MP in this camera. At this point, extra megapixels seem to me to just mean bigger memory cards. In fact, I set our photos at 5 MP so I could get about a third more photos out of the memory. This trick is good, but only if you don’t ever plan to do much cropping or enlargements beyond 8X10. With a 1 Gig memory stick, I was able to get almost 400 photos, enough memory for plenty of photos and lots of mini-movies.

Probably the most enjoyable feature of the camera though, was the fast shutter speed. Set on “no flash,” I had very little shutter lag, and could take multiple photos in a row. If you use flash, however, you’re back to the frustration of long shutter lag common to most point and shoot digitals. This is where the “Smile Shutter” technology, which is not unique to Sony, really helps out, since you can catch those fleeting smiles that used to be lost to shutter lag.

The biggest frustration I had was the use of the Sony memory stick duo (not included with the camera). My wife’s camera takes an SD card, which also fits directly into a Palm Treo, so I was hoping to eliminate one memory card and simplify our lives just a tiny bit. Additionally, to lighten our baggage a little, I decided to leave the bulky and proprietary data cable behind in favor of a small memory card reader that could read both SD and Sony memory sticks. Unfortunately, the reader could not read the memory stick duo format, and I was unable to transfer photos off the memory stick during the trip. Luckily, a 2 Gig card was enough to get me through about 320 photos and a few small movies with plenty of room to spare, but I was unable to send any email photos home along the way.

One last recommendation: I got a geeky Sony (LCS-TWF/B) Soft Carrying Case to make carrying the camera easier. While belt holsters really aren’t my thing, I must say that this made taking photos a lot simpler than trying to get my camera out of a bag or even out of my pocket. This holster has a strong magnetic closure, is pretty lightweight, and holds the camera very snugly. I wish they had built a tiny tiny pocket into it to keep an extra memory stick or battery, but otherwise, it’s a very practical addition that I’m sure helped me take more pictures.

Strengths: 7.2 MP, Big clear screen with bright picture, 2.5 inch LCD, easy to read menus, Carl Zeiss 4x optical zoom (you can’t beat the images from these lenses).

Weaknesses: Uses the Sony memory stick duo, so less flexiblity, USB cable is bundled with video, so has proprietary plug. This makes it more convenient (one cord to store), but you’re out of luck if you lose it since it isn’t a common USB cable. Memory sticks seem to have more issues than SD cards for compatibility so there may be some issues with older card readers that can’t read your stick.

Traveling can be very stressful, and traveling with teens doubly so, for reasons that are completely different than for traveling with smaller children. Teens are developing their own interests and more than ever, you have to plan around how best to incorporate their needs, however exotic or seemingly selfish into the program. Here are ten ideas to help the trip go smoother this time.

1. Remember who your fellow travelers are. Just as you wouldn’t take your sports-ambivalent wife to a week of baseball training camp, try to figure out destinations the whole family can enjoy. That doesn’t mean it has to be Disneyland or the least common denominator. Think instead, of places that will have real highlights for all members of the family. New York City for example, can satisfy many many different types of people with museums, sports legends, nightlife, theatre, and even great parks. But pick a single-interest destination, like say, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the entire family better be into rocking out, or have other reasons for being in Cleveland.
2. Ask your teen to help plan. We like the City Walks cards series because you can spread them out and deal them like cards. Easier for everyone to see than passing out a book, the cards give everyone a chance to pick an itinerary and there will still likely be things of interest for the whole group. They also come in a more limited series for kids. Either way, have everyone look through the guide books or websites and choose at least one thing they really want to do, so no one feels like they are being dragged along an entire holiday.
3. Try to stay near the center of your destination and activities. Nothing aggravates family dynamics and the fatigue factor like long car trips or transit. Even if it means cutting back elsewhere, a great location can really ease a lot of tension when a trip back to the hotel is easy.
4. Consider an apartment rental or hotel apartment. Nowadays, there are many more options than having the whole family stay in a single room. That’s not a vacation for you or your teeen. Short stay apartment rentals give you more space for your dollar and feature a kitchen for more casual meals (pizza!) and cheaper breakfasts.
5. Let your teen choose things “you didn’t come all this way to do.” Even if you’re in National Park and your teen wants to spend an hour in the hotel arcade, let him have a little break from the stuff you “should” do.
6. Set up a vacation budget. It’s better to give out a fixed amount for souvenirs and extras before the trip starts. If you say that the money is theirs to spend as they see fit and they keep whatever they don’t spend, you’ll create a strong lesson in budgeting, but you’ll also be amazed at how many things now seem unnecessary for them.
7. Let them bring a friend. Obviously this isn’t a possibility on all trips, but when it’s possible, it might make for a great solution for you to get some downtime. Of course, now you’re responsible not only for yours, but someone else’s, so take this advice with a grain of salt based on the personality of your child and his or her friend.
8. Go easy on the “no iPod/no video games” rule. While you may not let your kids be constantly plugged in at home, vacation may the time to let them escape into their own little world during long car, train, or plane rides. It gives them a little privacy and a little down time that might make everyone a little less stressed out than if you make them interact with you at close quarters during the entire holiday.
9. Check yourself before you speak. It’s easy to get caught up in slights and disappointments during a tirp and to keep bringing them up. Small little fights are likely inevitable, but you can short circuit a lot of longer fights by counting to ten or just saying to yourself what you’re tempted to say out loud.
10. Pack light. With airlines finding new ways to charge for previously free services, a large added expense may be checked bags, which, at $15 each one way, can add up very fast for a small family. Packing simply will also save a lot on back-breaking lifting, which usually is dad’s job.

It’s almost the end of the school year, and, despite the soaring cost of gas, you likely have some travel in store for you and the family during the coming months. Here are five ideas you can keep at the back of your mind when the “how much longer?” questions start coming fast and furious.

1. Twins and triplets - Use “twins” to have everyone name one thing that comes in twins. Think “mom and dad,” “soup and salad,” “stop and go.” When it’s your turn, you can shout out an answer. If the next person doesn’t have an answer in three seconds, the following person can fill in. Players keep score by how many they have come up with. It’s obviously easy at first, but gets harder after a few times around. “Triplets” is even more challenging.

2. Horse - The first player says a letter and the following players have to add letters until a word is formed. The player who adds a letter that forms any word loses. The trick is that players must have a word in mind that could be created as they add a letter. So spelling H-O-R and adding an S might lead to forming “Horse” for the next player unless they could form a word that starts with H-O-R-S but does not have an E next.

3. Which would you rather be? - Choose odd combinations of things to quiz people on their inner selves and true desires. “What would you rather be: a whale or a shark? A theatre usher or a candy counter attendant? A professional singer or a librarian? A dog or a cat? ” The list goes on and on, only limited by your imagination and curiosity. You might actually learn something about your kids or spouse!

4. License plates - This is an old chestnut, but can keep kids busy for a few minutes at least while they realize that license plates come on cars from all over the country. Some kids wait years before seeing one from Hawaii or Alaska.

5. Alphabet soup - I almost hit a truck looking for an R during a recent car trip so I’m cautious about this game. In this game, each player has to find letters of the alphabet in alphabetical order starting with A. Each player keeps track and tries to avoid cheating. Little kids love to hunt for letters while they ride, and this game can be safely played from the back seat.

That should be enough to keep them at bay for at least ten miles.

For other travel activities with kids, there are some good ideas in “Travel Wise with Children though many require extra props or preparation.

69% of women polled in a recent Parents magazine poll said they dreaded traveling more with their husbands than with their children. I always am skeptical about this kind of poll (self-selected sample), but found the data interesting.

We’ve always travelled with our kids under the assumption we have about a lot of things.
If you quit doing anything because of changed circumstances, you’re choosing not to give it up, not the other way around. Aside from the financial realities, having kids is no reason to give up traveling. I’ve traveled alone with my kids (together at about six months and four years) and found the experience to be challenging but not overwhelming. Maybe because it’s because I’m a dad and not supposed to be used to this kind of thing, but I found everyone to be very helpful. Yes, the baby cried a bit and I had to mix formula on my lap and change diapers in the tiny bathroom. But, all in all, it went okay. While babies cry and little kids whine, at least they generally follow your lead and do what you say.

On the other hand, I can imagine some travel arrangements with spouses, especially some I see crowded into little seats, perpetually grumpy, over-dosing on airplane pretzels and lukewarm beer. And of course, the worst is the perfect storm of the sullen spouse, coupled with a set of uncontrollable kids.

Still, 69%? I don’t dread either a trip alone with my wife, or with kids, but then again they weren’t asking dads the question.