Dad Getting Remarried

[JLONEDOG]

Just wanted to get some feedback. I am a dad of a 15 year old boy. He is a great kid with no real behavior issues. As a matter of fact he has been nominated by his schol for an award for high standing morals. My issue is my new fiance does not like kids in general nor does she want any so she wants he and I to do our own thing when he is around. I did not expect her to spend every minute with us but thought that we would somehow become a "modern family". She actually blew up and says she gets really angry when we do things together and does not see the point of us all spending time together. Yes, she knew he was around and yes decided to move in but now I have t odeal with her anger when my son has something to do or wants friends over. I really feel stuck in the middle here. Should I just keep my life with them separated?? Part of me is bothered by this and then part of me is not. I just know if I go ahead and just start doing things with him and not invite it may seem harsh too but I am at my wits end on what is ok and what is not now. I understand how hard it is for her so I am not mad just no idea on what to do? We are getting married shortly but now this has issue has come out.

[Finn Wisdom]

Wow, Jlonedog. Asking this advice is much akin to 'you get what you pay for', but I'm going to say what you probably don't want to hear.

Your son sounds like a great kid. He'll be around for the rest of your life. I don't know if you have him just weekends or half time, but regardless, in my world, my kids beat anything that I'm dating, hands down.

Trying to squeeze in separate time and living the stress of an angered spouse is not going to be easy to do the rest of your life. What if something bad (God forbid) happens to his mom and he has to move in full-time with you? In a few years, he'll be off to college and you'll see him even less than you do now. Why do anything to jeopardize your time with him?

Best case for me is to not marry until he goes to college. I can't imagine sharing my life with someone who not only doesn't like my kids but get angry about it as well.

Good luck man. You have a sobering choice to make.

Finn

[Paul]

You're in for a lifetime of hurt if you marry this woman. Take this as a warning sign. You do not want to marry someone who has a negative reaction to the most important thing in your life.

[mckernanx32]

From personal experience, i could not be with someone that cant accept my kid. My children and i are a package deal, period. If she gets upset by spending time with your son (hes 15, for Christs sake, not an infant) then she has some major issues, and you should get upset. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have your alone time with her, but you shouldn't be marrying anyone that cant handle your relationship with your own child. My girlfriend of the last 4 years wouldn't be in my life if she didn't accept that my children are my life, and to be with me you have to be with them!