My 7 year old son is reading aloud! I should be so proud. Yet, he is reading the prose of Super Baby Diaper 2, another semi-literate installment in the Captain Underpants series.

I cringe at every sentence beginning with “Me want…,” and yet I’m glad he’s reading something other than those other puerile Scholastics “classics,” the retelling of Star Wars by Lego characters.

At the same time I’m hearing him read aloud, I am reading an opinion piece in the Saturday Wall Street Journal Review (my favorite section of the week) on the power of memorization of poetry and prose (“How Memorization Makes Words Live“). Memorization has become an ante-diluvian concept in our internet-ready world, looked on as backward as bothering to learn the multiplication tables. Yet, I believe, as the author does, that poetry is learned in a different way when you carry it around with you, ready to jump out at the strangest times and with the most abstruse connections. Popular music does this the same, at least when it’s written well. The lyrics of Cole Porter, George Gershwin and Joni Mitchell are for me as close as the words of Frost, Yates, Eliot, and Prévert. Kids can find their analogues in modern music (God knows where) to understand the power of holding words inside themselves.

And this is where I connect reading to money. In posts long ago, I’ve pondered the use of allowances. As the wise Harvey Beck, of ActiveAllowance.com, once told me, the way parents give allowances is often a reflection of their political and economic beliefs. Some parents give an allowance for doing jobs around the house, connecting cash with work. Others communicate that the family is like a commune; every person does their jobs and an allowance is part of the bargain, but isn’t paid for getting the work done. Still others may just pay for specific tasks. We give our kids an allowance responsibilty-free,which I suppose reflects the effect of living in San Francisco for fifteen years. The kids get money for some tasks, especially those associated with work experience and things I’d rather not do myself, like stuffing envelopes. But the real money-maker for them is in reading and poetry. $2 for every “real” book they finish and $2 for every poem over 20 lines. Motivated kids could make a mint that way. Instead my son is happily reading “Super Diaper Baby 2, The Invasion of the Potty Snatchers.” Go figure. He’s done the price/value correlation and has decided that entertainment trumps industry, at least before noon on a Saturday.

We love the picture books by David McCauley (The Mosque, The Cathedral, The City, and many others) because both my son and I learn a lot. They are a springboard for other discussions and a reference point when we are out looking at other things. The best kids books for dads to read are books like these that are written in a way that interest and inspire both dads and kids.

That’s why I like the new book Letters for Freedom: The Civil War, a hand-on history book. It’s a thorough examination of the causes and history of the Civil War. The story is well-written and compelling and had my son and I eager to read another 4-6 pages each evening to learn more about the Civil War. My son liked the hands on features, though I don’t know if either of us was really enamored with the centerpiece of the book: the actual fragments of letters written by soldiers, officers and Abraham Lincoln during the conflict.

We both learned a lot reading the book, which wasn’t too heavy handed about which side was “right,” though slavery is covered in enough detail to give kids a lot to think about (for example, despite a lot bucolic photos of slaves in fields, most male slaves died before the age of 30). About half of the book is dedicated to the causes and aftermath of the war and half to the major battles and turning points. Dads, with the benefit of a lifetime of geography, might actually start to understand the enormity of what occurred to our young country and what a miracle it was that the country came back together.

$16.99 for ages 8+

We’re big fans of Todd Davis’ book, Handy Dad: 25 Awesome Projects for Dads and Kids, which features some good tips for treehouse building. If you’re in most of the United States, you’re burning daylight at this point to get a treehouse built before the end of the warm weather, so you better get going.

Here are some other handy pieces of advice for building a tree house:

TIP #1: A tree house, plus the kids who play in it, can be a lot of weight for your tree. When constructing a tree house, The size and type of tree must be taken into consideration. Even with the largest trees, keep houses under 3,600 pounds to avoid damage.

TIP #2: Trees can move and grow a lot after a tree house is built. When building a tree house, it’s important to accommodate for a tree’s growth. Keep platforms and supports 2-3″ from branches and trunks and follow a building plan that suspends your tree house securely within the tree’s branches so that it can move independently of the tree.

TIP #3: Rope swings and tires swings are a fun addition. Use a braided arborist rope ½” or greater in diameter and use a running bowline knot to hang your swing − your tree will thank you.

TIP #4: The best trees for tree houses are Oaks, Maples, Beeches and Sycamores because they all have long lifetimes and strong branches to support a tree house.

TIP #5: BARK is like a tree’s skin, protecting it from diseases and bugs. When building a tree house, avoid damaging the tree’s bark by using fixtures specially designed for tree houses. Using artificial limb supports and avoiding the concentration of support points in one area will ensure both the tree and your tree house stay sturdy.

TIP #6: Before you start construction, make sure the tree is healthy enough to support your tree house or swing – a certified arborist from the International Society of Arboriculture can come evaluate your tree to determine if it can support a house and if the tree needs pruning, deep root feeding or support cabling for optimum health.

This list was provided by the makers of CLIF Kid and Living Tree. They recommend Peter Nelson’s book Home Tree Home: Principles of Treehouse Construction and other Tall Tales, for safe plans that can help build the ultimate tree house, but we have not seen it. www.LivingTreeOnline.com has a service for making treehouse plans and fantasies come true.

Baby MedBasicsis a cute little book to stick at the bottom of the diaper bag, “just in case.” It covers typical child accidents and illnesses including burns, falls, poisons and fevers. As the book cover proclaims, it’s “emergency action steps at your finger tips.”

It’s 62 pages and covers all the major issues pretty well with actual things to do when you discover the baby is in a threatening condition, with big graphics and plenty of white space. Finding solutions is pretty easy, thanks to big tabs covering 10 major symptoms or problems, including CPR, allergies, bleeding, burns, and choking.

The book also covers at least a page on all conditions on prevention, which may be a little late for most people who consult the book, but is still good to remind busy parents again and again.

Every household should have a book like this, as well as a well-stocked medicine chest with a proper first aid kit, “just in case.”

Gone are the days when dad had to read the new mom’s copy of What to Expect when You’re Expecting to get the pink and blue version of pregnancy and childbirth. For the past 15 years, new dads have enjoyed books on pregnancy that cover biology to psychology all from dads’ completely different point of view. Here are our favorites:

1. The granddaddy of them all is Armin Brott’s The Expectant Father (Abbeville Press – Updated Third Edition), the classic book (and following six bestsellers) and pregnancy and babies from a new dad’s perspective. Armin is both poignantly funny and pragmatic, providing common sense answers to many questions news dads will have. It’s as complete a book as any you will find with almost 400 information-packed pages that go from conception to bringing the baby home (“What do we do now?”). For dads who want to dig deep on the issues that will be most important for their gender, this is the book to get.

3. Parenting Magazine (Weldon Owen) has a new picture book out called Show Dad How. At first glance, many dads will be put off by the airplane emergency pamphlet graphics that seem either patronizing or too clinical. The graphics aside, however, we found this book to be easy to navigate with easy-to-bite-off chapters an sections that make it an easy read for the topics you want answers to now.

5. A little more serious is I’m going to Be a Dad: Now What? by Craig Bair by Craig Baird (Atlantic) that combines complete coverage of pregnancy through the first half of the book and the basics (sleep, diapers, feedings and the like) for infants up to 2 years.

It’s great to see a lot more choices in the Pregnancy Section for dads. While there is much overlap between the information covered here and what you’ll find in the moms’ books, it only makes sense that these books will involve dads that much more in the pregnancy and in the early years of their new child.

Todd Patkin and we share a lot of the same philosophy about the importance of dads. It was fun to get a chance to ask him some questions that get at the heart of some of the themes in his new book.

Q: You’ve written an important book that touches on an important aspect of parenting, Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and—Finally—Let the Sunshine In. What is the one thing you think parents should know about your work?

The biggest takeaway for parents is the importance of being happy. I don’t just mean trying to raise happy kids—I mean being happy yourself, and being happy when you’re with your kids. Our children learn to live their own lives by watching how we live ours. They notice when we’re too hard on ourselves and don’t show ourselves enough love, and when they see that, they’ll grow up thinking that unhappiness is an acceptable way to live. However, by modeling what positive priorities, outlooks, and attitudes look like to your children, you’ll give your kids the best chance of growing into content, positive, and fulfilled adults.

Q: What are your feelings about the role of the father in child development?

Fathers are incredibly important in their children’s development. Kids want our approval so badly, even though we may not realize it. In many cases, what fathers see as annoying behaviors or acting out are their children’s attempts to catch our attention and impress us. They watch everything we do, and if they see you absent or unwilling to spend time with them, they’ll learn that working is more important than family. However, if they see you present and engaged, they’ll learn balance. At a time when many fathers perhaps haven’t been as engaged due to insane work schedules, it’s more important than ever for us to be purposeful about setting aside time to spend with our kids.

Q: What is the best thing dads can do in raising children?

Not just dads, but parents in general, are often guilty of thinking about work or bills or the car repair while ostensibly spending time with their kids. Remember that kids are smarter than we often give them credit for. They know when your mind is elsewhere, and when that happens they’ll feel unimportant. Over time, your relationship will suffer. One of the best things you can do as a dad is to be there—in body and in mind—when you’re with your children. And as long as you’re present, why not also try to be the funnest father around, someone your kids can truly have a ball with?

Q: What is the biggest parenting mistake dads can make in raising their children?

The biggest mistake dads can make is not loving their kids for who they are. You may think that you’re doing your child a favor by trying to mold him in a certain way—but that logic only holds so far. Trying to force your child to be who you want him to be, and not who he really is, will do him a great disservice. Trust me—your kids will be happy adults only if they too learn to love and be okay with themselves as they are and for who they are. So even if you wanted your son to be a star athlete, you’d better love him just as well if he prefers the arts, and be cheering loudly at all of his concerts.

Q: Is there one practical parenting tip you’d suggest to dads?

In some ways, dads tend to be very simple. We think about work for large portions of our day (after all, our jobs are how we provide for and support our families!), and because so much of our time is spent at “the office,” that’s what we tend to prioritize. We know we’ve got to have a great meeting, for example, or make sure that a particular delivery gets made—so we plan for and devote a lot of thought and energy to achieving those goals. I advise treating time with your kids the same way! Purposefully set aside an hour with your children in the evening for starters, and put some thought into what you need to do to make sure they have a ball. If you spend as much time planning kid time as planning work time, you’ll be amazed by how positive the results are!

Q: It’s been said that the greatest regret aging men have is that they didn’t spend more time with their kids and paying more attention on raising kids. How do you feel about that statement?

I agree one hundred percent! Believe me, I know how tempting it is for men to focus their lives on other things. It’s easy to believe that you need to be at work longer than the standard eight hours or so in order to provide the best life for your family. It’s easy to become addicted to achievement and accolades. However, it’s very painful and difficult to wake up when you’re 60, 70, or 80 and realize that you really screwed up. At that point, you’ve missed out on the opportunity to be an active part of your kids’ growing-up years. No matter how committed you are to your career, remember that your most important and rewarding job will always be “dad.”

Q: Every generation worries that their kids aren’t strong enough to handle the real world. Do you feel kids need to be “toughened up” by experiencing rough times?

I think it’s great for kids to experience disappointing times, like being cut from the baseball team or not getting a prominent role in a dance recital, for example. No one’s life is perfect, and we can all expect to face obstacles and disappointments from time to time. It’s best if children realize this before they leave the love and support of their parents’ homes. I truly believe that it’s a blessing when kids go through tough times…but only when they happen naturally. Parents certainly don’t need to make it their “job” to toughen their kids up!

Q: Or conversely, do you think kids need to be smothered with love to give them storehouse of good feelings with which to deal with the inevitable challenges of life in the real world?

Again, I agree 100 percent! I believe that our job as parents is to give our kids love, love, and more love. They should never, ever doubt how much they mean to us or how special they are. However, it is not our job to make our kids’ lives easy. I understand the impulse to shield your children from pain, but it is a mistake to protect them from everything. Don’t do for them what they could and should do for themselves. For example, think about the girl whose father takes her car in for services and fills it up with gas because he doesn’t want her to be gawked at, or the boy whose mother very heavily edits his school papers. These kids will be fine until they leave home—and then they’ll be at a disadvantage because of their lack of self-sufficiency. Try to be realistic about what your kids are capable of doing by themselves, and graduate these responsibilities as they grow.

Q: Has anyone inspired you to be a better father? If yes, who?

Actually, I inspired myself to be a better father. To be more specific, the nervous breakdown I had at age 36 inspired me to change a lot about my life. I had been driven by perfectionism and the fear of not measuring up, and even though I had achieved career and monetary success, I was plagued by depression and anxiety. My breakdown made me see that I had been focusing my life on the wrong things. I realized that I wasn’t happy with myself as a dad because I had been at work all the time. I looked at the person I had been, and I knew that I no longer wanted to screw up the most important task in my life. Without a doubt, the years after my breakdown have been the happiest and most fulfilling of my life. My son is always my priority—and we’re both better off for it.

We’ve been reading Greg Wright’s new book, Daddy Dates: 4 Daughters, 1 Clueless Dad and His Quest to Win Their Hearts. Daddy Dates outlines Wright’s experience and advice on how to develop real relationships with your daughters as they enter their tween and teen years. His advice: Get off the phone, take time to be with them, and let them talk.”

Daddy Dates

We like all books that support the idea that you need to do more than just spend time with your family; you need to really focus on who they are and what they are thinking, especially as they go through the difficult years of adolescence. Wright, a motivational speaker by day, has found a winning concept in the idea of Daddy Dates, which is a straightforward how-to book for dads who are clueless on how to approach getting to know their kids. He suggests different “dates” or outings you can go on and how to prepare for them. In classic motivational speaker mode, he even has mini-personality assessments and grids to help you analyze and talk to the girl in your life.

Dad readers will find this book a good break from more scholarly books that often say much the same things about understanding the teen psyche. As Wright admits in all his marketing materials, his advice is as good as the next guy’s – he calls himself “clueless” in the subtitle – but the approach and the ideas are sound. Daddy Dates is mostly common sense put into an action-oriented plan dads can understand and execute.

Wright took a few minutes to give us some thoughts about his book and parenting philosophy.

What is the one thing you think parents should know about your new book, Daddy Dates?
I’m just an ordinary dad who is connecting with his four teenage girls in an extraordinary way.

What is the best thing dads can do in raising children?
Set a goal to be selfless. When spending time with your kids try to dial up their interests and dial out yours. Your enjoyment comes from watching you child have a crazy cool time.

What is the biggest parenting mistake dads can make in raising their children?
Thinking their only role is to make money.

Is there one practical parenting tip you’d suggest to dads?

Lean in. We need to “lean in” and pursue deeper conversation with our kids, especially if the subject makes us feel uncomfortable or we don’t have the answers to their questions. If we don’t lean in, then we set an expectation with our children that they can’t come to talk with us about sensitive or tough subject matters.

Every generation worries that their kids aren’t strong enough to handle the real world. Do you feel kids need to be “toughened up” by experiencing rough times?
We gain knowledge by studying what we should do and wisdom by experiencing what we actually did. That said, we should of course do our best to prepare them as much as we can, and pray that they will gain strength to get through what we could not prepare them for.

Or conversely, do you think kids need to be smothered with love to give them storehouse of good feelings with which to deal with the inevitable challenges of life in the real world?
Smothering is the universal sign for parental fear. Balance unconditional love with teaching kids the responsibility of their actions and your moving in the right direction

Has anyone inspired you to be a better father?

Many have inspired me. But hands down, Tom Lane, author of The Influence of a Father: How to Be a Role Model and a Mentor Your Children Need, is the greatest influence over my parenting style. The biggest “Tom” lesson that I have adopted is teaching my kids about their responsibility when making a mistake rather than exploding & pushing them to feel stupid for having made one.   

I just had a chance to read Faith of a Child, a new book by Stefan Lanfer. At a 160 pages, it’s a quick read, but densely packed with the little moments from pregnancy and early baby wrangling that will be meaningful to anyone who has had or is having the experience.

Written in a kind of Haiku-style, with sentences that break rhythmically yet are written in something more resembling prose and poetry. For that reason, 160 pages is probably less than a 100 in this slim tome.

Add this to the pantheon of new books written by new dads, with a twist. Congratulations, Stefan, on a book well written.

For a lot of fathers, the Sunday of Father’s Day means taking time to be away from the kids to play golf. This, I find, is more than a littte sad. Of all the loves I had before kids, golf was probably the hardest to give up in order to spend time with my family, but I’ve never mourned it enough to spend more than a few Sundays away. Six to eight hours out of a weekend was something I could no longer afford to be without even in the pursuit of par.

Still, golf is very connected to fatherhood in my own life. My own father was gone about 100% of my childhood years, having moved away when I was about 4 years old. We only really got a chance to connect on the golf course after I had reached adulthood. So, for me, I’d rather see golf connected to involved fatherhood. As for now, I’m still waiting patiently for my 7-year old to pick up the game.

For the golfing dad in your life, here are four golf books I’ve enjoyed that make for good gifts for dad.

1. Golf Dreams – John Updike, the great chronicler of late 20th century American life, was a life-long hacker. He was a tall man and I’m sure he could stroker the ball well, yet had the same yips and slices of the rest of us. Golf Dreams is a collection of stories, extracts (from the Rabbit series), and essays, many from the New Yorker. They can be read in pieces or as a collection and make a fine prize for any dad who enjoys golf, and a well-turned phrase.

2. Moment of Glory – John Feinstein, best-selling author and frequent NPR contributor catalogs the golf year 2003 when Tiger lost his swing and four relative unknowns won each of the majors. Mike Weir won the Masters, Jim Furyk won the US Open, Ben Curtis won the British Open, and Shaun Micheel took the PGA. Feinstein is a fantastic sports writer and for any golf fan who lived that year (the year he stayed home to help with the baby?), it’s a good read.

3. Bad Lies – Bad Lies is a “Field Guide to lost balls, missing links, and other golf mishaps.” It’s a coffee table-style book with glossy photos of all the horrible things that happen on the course and the funny names that have been given to them, from Zinger to Dunch to Mulligan. This is a fun book to page through with a Heineken in one hand and the TV remote in the other. All golfers will enjoy the photos and humor.

4. Golf with Dad – David Barrett wrote this collection of the stories of fourteen tour pros, and the role golf played in their relationships with their fathers. From Phil to Jack to Arnie (Tiger is conspicuously absent), there are heartwarming stories aplenty. Barrett is a pro golf writer so has the chops to write both an accurate and inspiring collection of tales. You can’t find a better title for a book for a golfing dad.

All these books make for perfect gifts, especially if inscribed appropriately and given at the 19th hole.

For a lot of fathers, the Sunday of Father’s Day means taking time to be away from the kids to play golf. This, I find, is more than a litte sad. Of all the loves I had before kids, golf was probably the hardest to give up in order to spend time with my family, but I’ve never mourned it enough to spend more than a few Sundays away. Six to eight hours out of a weekend was something I could no longer afford to be without even in the pursuit of par.

Still, golf is very connected to fatherhood in my own life. My own father was gone about 100% of my childhood years, having moved away when I was about 4 years old. We only really got a chance to connect on the golf course after I had reached adulthood. So, for me, I’d rather see golf connected to involved fatherhood. As for now, I’m still waiting patiently for my 7-year old to pick up the game.

For the golfing dad in your life, here are four golf books I’ve enjoyed that make for good gifts for dad.

Dude, You’re Gonna be a Dad (How to get both of you through the next 9 months), joins a pantheon of dad pregnancy books. This is a good thing. Dads need to know how other dads live pregnancy and childbirth, and the havoc it wreaks on the “normal” life before kids.

This is less a tongue-in-cheek book than one of our favorites, What to Expect when SHE’s Expecting, but it is very readable and well-organized, walking new dads through all the minefields from the first visit to the OB/GYN all the way through the big day and beyond.

We need more books like this on the shelf so dads get the info through dad-colored glasses.

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Dude, You’re Gonna be a Dad (How to get both of you through the next 9 months), joins a pantheon of dad pregnancy books. This is a good thing. Dads need to know how other dads live pregnancy and childbirth, and the havoc it wreaks on the “normal” life before kids.

This is less a tongue-in-cheek book than one of our favorites, What to Expect when SHE’s Expecting, but it is very readable and well-organized, walking new dads through all the minefields from the first visit to the OB/GYN all the way through the big day and beyond.

We need more books like this on the shelf so dads get the info through dad-colored glasses.