Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

What my kids are saying this week – lessons and questions

Monday, April 27th, 2009

My five year old boy and I are already mixing it up, as I try to get toys off the dinner table or ask him to put the lego down and brush his teeth. He’s now yelling back at me, “You’re not the boss of me! You’re the boss of yourself!” I’ve had to tell him I will be the boss of him for at least a few more years, but I’m also trying to figure out how to negotiate this power battle. He probably already knows I have a weak spot – I hate it when he says I “always” yell at him. Of course, I don’t. But I do worry that that will either be a big memory for him, or a childhood leitmotif.

My nine year old daughter asked me, “What does it mean to be a ‘friend with benefits’?'” Great question and so glad you asked me! My mind raced as I tried to be truthful yet not divulge more than a nine-year old needs to know. I replied, “I think it’s when you have a friend who also kisses you.” Not a brilliant answer, but it was enough for her. Unfortunately, we soon learned that she had read this reference in a book she had gotten at the library. The book, which she found in the kids’ section, and which came from the children’s department of a major publisher went clearly a lot farther than we would want. We consider ourselves involved, watchful parents, but I’m always amazed at the stuff that sneaks in when you’re only half aware. No damage done this time, but we are hyper aware now of the dangers that lurk. Friends of ours related how their daughter (same age) had gone to a friends house, and while the parents were in the other room, they had taken a walk through the seedier ares of the internet. That is not how I want my children to find out about the birds and the bees, but even less, I do not want to be the parent who has to call another parent and tell what happened. All of our computers are password protected and the kids can only go to sites we have approved.

On a funnier note, my daughter, who loves poetry, asked me how you get a “poetic license.” When she found out it was something you “use” rather than apply for, we both had a good laugh.

Okay, but he’s not competing with Octo-Dad

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Move over Octomom: We found a dad with 86 kids!
And you think Octomom has her hands full. The aptly named Daad Abdul Rahamn claims to be the patriarch of the largest family in the world. The 63-year-old Dubai resident has 86 children–and two more on the way.

[From The Mommy Files : Move over Octomom: We found a dad with 86 kids!]

Yeah, having 86 kids is a lot, but it’s not like he gave birth to them all at once, or probably actively cares for them all – how could he? That’s so many kids, I doubt if he can remember all their names.

I also don’t know if this statistic really says that much about his fertility…

Take Time To Talk To Your Child About Whatever Crap They Like | The Onion

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

Leave it to The Onion to turn time-tested “get involved and interested” advice into sarcasm. You’ll likely smile while reading this piece since it’s the little devil sitting on your shoulder when you’ re trying to read the paper and your daughter wants to relate the entire plot line, page by page, of the shallow book she is reading.

Being a parent isn’t easy. If you’re anything like me, you know it’s hard to find enough hours in the day for working, sleeping, and raising the kids. But leading psychologists agree that taking an active role in your child’s burgeoning interests is crucial to their development. So, regardless of how busy your schedule gets, it’s important to take an interest in the bullshit your kids care about.

Remember: That stupid crap matters to them, and they need to feel like you give a shit about it.

[From Take Time To Talk To Your Child About Whatever Crap They Like | The Onion - America's Finest News Source]

Still the gist is good: develop a relationship with your kids now so that you’ll have one when they reach adolescence.

World’s tallest man becomes tallest dad!

Monday, November 24th, 2008

I guess the mom was screening for head size and not total body length. She’s lucky she didn’t have a five foot long baby though, with this history.

CHIFENG, China, Nov. 19 (UPI) — The world’s tallest man, who hails from China’s Inner Mongolia autonomous region, said he has become the world’s tallest dad at the age of 58.
Bao Xishun, who stands at 7 feet and 9 inches tall, said his newborn son, Tianyou, was born at an average 22-inch height, The Sun reported Wednesday.

[From World's tallest man becomes tallest dad - UPI.com]

Does the current issue of Pregnancy Magazine cross over the line?

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

Is Motherhood sacred? Is Demi Moore a mother? Is Demi Moore sacred? Are breasts sacred? Is “The Office” sacred? These are all questions being debated with the recent issue of Pregnancy (November 2008) which celebrates Melora Hardin (Jan in The Office) and her pregnancy. We’ll all have to keep guessing whose hands those are over her soon-to-be nursing boobies (Michael’s?), or whether this is just a good photoshop effort. Pregnancy Magazine Breasts November 2008

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Safer California through hands-free phones

Thursday, October 9th, 2008

This has nothing to do with babies, dads, or parenting, but is hilarious.

You have to watch this video that pokes fun at the questionable value of outlawing phones in the car, while still allowing us to use our cars for every other activity. If you’re reading this on your iphone, pull over and watch, with the car in park.

New category! YouTube videos to show little kids

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

This is amusing, but also makes me think of other funny videos we’ve laughed at with our kids. I’ll post more.

This video is meant to be viral – watch until the end for the serious message about the disappearance of bees. Scientists now think they have figured out the mystery, but do not know how to solve it.

The link at the end takes you to a Haagen Daz site, so important message on bees with a commercial sting if you act.

A tip of the hat to MEGO.com for finding this one.


Building a treehouse for your kids – How do I get to be a dad like this?

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Anyone who has ever been to Disneyland and climbed the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse (now recast as Tarzan’s home), imagines how cool it would be to have a real treehouse sanctuary. For kids, you can probably increase that by a factor of 2 to 3. I don’t know why treehouses have that special allure. Is it just because it’s having a place of your own, being taller than your surroundings, getting away from home and chores. Whatever it is, I was envious of this guy’s kids, and in awe of how much work he put into creating this treehouse for them, at one point even planning on running water to add to the full code-friendly electric. He says he “doesn’t have any idea how much it all cost” and doesn’t want to know. His wife looks a little suspicious of how far he would have carried this if she hadn’t stepped in.

Home Alone Dad

Monday, August 4th, 2008

Rarely do I agree with David Frum, of the National Review, but his Saturday column had me nodding in agreement.

Frum, in this column, examines what goes on in countless homes when the family, minus dad, goes on a vacation, if only for a few days. While some dads, take this opportunity to veer off into uncharted territory, the vast majority of us wallow deeper into the rut we likely already enjoy. In his case, it’s more time at the gym and night after night of rotisserie chicken. When my family goes away, it’s pizza and beer for dinner and a movie, or two, every day. The pizza is always the same, as is the popcorn, though, luckily, I do change up the movie for a little variety. As Frum notes,

You know the saying: “Moderation in all things, including moderation”? My variant: “Variety is the spice of life — and of the most flavorful of those varieties is repetition.”

Frum enjoys being able to be himself at least for a few days, which involves listening to audio books non-stop without being ridiculed by his teenage son.

It’s pointless to be ashamed of the natural man tendency toward habit and routine. We don’t need to move the couch around the living room every six months, or renovate the kitchen. Almost all things are better left alone and in their place. Consistency just gives us more time to do the things we like to do, which usually doesn’t involve long afternoons in furniture showrooms. You can’t say women are more aggressive or pushy; they just often push hard on the stuff they want, much of which might seem irrational to us.

Frum ends his observations with this gem:

A rewrite of a slogan often seen on kids’ sweatshirts aptly sums up the relationship between the male animal and his spouse: She’s not bossy. She just has better ideas.

I’d swear by it!

Friday, August 1st, 2008

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