The kids are getting older and I can start to think beyond what will keep them alive, fed and clothed day to day. So, for the first time in a several years, I actually have a few resolutions for the new year:

1. Stop yelling at the kids. I actually don’t yell at them very often at all, but my son feels that we yell at him all the time. He’s the slowpoke in the family and he needs constant prodding to stay on track and get out the door on the family timeline rather than his own. Let everyone else yell, though. I will try to contain the stress and “gently” pry the LEGOs out of this hand and point him toward putting on his shoes rather than raising my voice. There really is nothing other than danger that should make you raise your voice to the people you love. That’s of course, easier to say than to practice, but maybe if I write it on a post-it on my computer screen and say it as a mantra, I’ll be able to keep it top of mind.

2. Compliment everyone I see. I read this somewhere a day or two ago, but can’t remember when, but will steal the idea outright. The writer was suggesting that most resolutions are set up to fail since they are about giving up stuff you like (smoking, eating, drinking) or about doing something you hate (going to the gym). Saying one nice thing to everyone you meet is easy and painless and often creates immediate rewards. It’s so obviously a good resolution, I resolve to adopt it every year!

3. Get back to playing piano. I took up piano at age 48 to motivate my daughter to learn to play at the same time. Now both kids play and practice 30-60 minutes a day, while my playing has dwindled to nothing. Their persistence should and will be a motivator to me.

4. Develop a real social media plan and stick to it. Even if it’s only the “10 minutes a day” approach, GreatDad.com need more consistency in social media. GreatDad has 5600 followers and only 4400 followees. I’ll work to reduce that delta. Apologies to my Triberr buddies as well. I’ll do more retweeting in 2012.

That’s it and enough. I have a few other personal projects that are goals for 2012. It promises to be a big year, especially since we will relaunch Pregnancy Magazine as digital publication in February!

Happy New Year!

I hate taxes as much as the next dad, but taxes are sometimes good. They raise prices and change behavior, such as smoking. And often, legislators best efforts to tie taxes to consumer education (anti-smoking campaigns) or health effects (cancer research) are reversed when new legislatures need the cash to fund other pet projects (remember when lotteries were only to be used to fund education?) Often too, they are regressive, affecting poor people disproportionately. Price elasticity is real however, and anything that gets people off the sugar drink habit has to be good. People are still free to drink a Coke now and then, but are de-motivated to drink Coke for breakfast, lunch and dinner, which is sometimes the case.

PARIS — France’s top constitutional body on Wednesday approved a new tax on sugary drinks that aims to fight obesity while giving a boost to state coffers.

The Constitutional Council approved the new soda tax, announced in August as part of the government’s fight against obesity and within the framework of a broader austerity programme, after it was passed in parliament last week.

The tax, which works out to one euro cent per can of drink, is expected to bring in 120 million euros ($156 million) in state revenues.

[From AFP: France approves soda tax]

Disagree? Let me know!

It’s December 23rd and still time to answer a Craiglist ad for a new horse, pet pig, or used rabbit cage. Here’s our advice on six pets not to get:

1. Tarantula – Sure, they are cute, furry, and cuddly when you take them home, but wait until your son lays one on your face while you’re taking a post-football Sunday nap. Your heart attack won’t be as embarrassing as what you’ll do in your pants.

2. Snake – Yes, they also look great in the pet store when you’re thinking of how your ex-wife will react. But, trust me, they are a lot less fun when the wily creatures find a way out of the snake cage, free to wander through the walls and heating ducts of your house, ready to jump out at you.

3. Baby Croc – Ever hear of the alligators in the New York sewer system, some of which managed to crawl backwards up the pipes to take bites out of the rears of people sitting on the toilet. Even if it’s the goofiest urban myth imaginable, I still don’t like the image or increasing the probability of it happening.

3. Pony – Unless you have a driver to take your child to the stable a few times a week and a trust fund to cover the stable bills, this is not a gift any sane parent should consider.

4. Cat – Cats are the devil’s embodiment on earth, here to tease us while planting deep, dark thoughts in our brains, while they aren’t plotting to suffocate us while we sleep. Invite one into your home at your own peril.

5. Eboli Virus – It’s alive, active, and hard to kill. Sounds like a perfect pet for young kids then? Think again.

6. Dog – We love dogs. They are smart, loyal, and wonderful burglar alarms. But if you ever want to take another vacation, without a dog strapped to the roof a la Mitt Romney, think again. Even if you never vacation anywhere beyond car range, spending all your free time out walking a dog with a plastic bag of warm feces in your hand is no way to spend middle age.

7. Gerbil – Mess to clean with constant odor. They enjoy drawing blood from fingers just trying to pet them. Worse: a ferret.

Two suggestions:

1. Ant Farm – Ants make no noise and just eat through the jelly included in the ant farm. When they die, no one cries.

2. Miniature frogs – These frogs, like the ones from Wild Creations,

The kids are at home this week and next, and it is hard. As much as I’d like to believe in it, there are no “great dads” or even good dads. There are moms and dads who try every day to manage their own demons and stresses to be the best parents they can be. My wife often says I get too preachy about being a good parent, and she is somewhat correct. Because I have a work at home job, and can spend a lot of time with my kids, I do have the moral high ground in helping with homework, forcing them to eat daily carrots (their only vegetable) and keeping them at piano practice way longer than they want to. And I don’t have to do all that after 9 hours of working with a boss I can’t stand. Even so, on long holidays, even I can get testy with them, especially my younger boy who everyday is asking for more GoGo dolls or another LEGO because he’s bored (and this 4 days before he’s zooming in on the big Christmas score).

The big challenge for me is to keep reminding myself that a 7 year old isn’t the same as an 11 year old and neither are the same as an adult. Each person, toddler, child, teen, mom and dad are seeing the holidays through their own prism, expectations and rose-colored glasses. I have to kick myself several times a day to not yell, not get impatient, not be empathetic since they are not all Zen Buddhist monks with no worldly cares or wants.

But some days, all you can do it count to ten and try not to be the least mature of the bunch. That’s my personal goal for today, tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday. Then I can go back to trying to be supremely patient and understanding once the stresses or Christmas are over and all that is left is the glow, and the wrapping paper to toss out.

This week, as I do every year, I am putting together the 30 page iPhoto book recapping our year as a family. I add highlights and special pages for each of our kids detailing their adventures and triumphs. Most of the pages, though, are family shots of me or my wife hugging our kids desperately, while they still smile brightly in the embrace. I give the book to both grandmas as well as my wife. For years, it’s come in their stocking and my kids still always impressed that Santa knows so much about our family. My mother just sent me an email saying she often pulls the books down and pages through them, marveling at how the kids grow and change.

However, for our own kids, the value of the books is quite a bit different. Of course, on Christmas day, they want to see what is in the book and if Santa has chosen flattering photos of them or has embarrassed them in some way. But that is mostly where their reading ends. The books sit on the bookcase shelf, unread unless my wife or I pull them down to remember what was happening when.

What the kids do pull down, and here is the rub, is their annual elementary school yearbooks. Already, they prefer to relive the intense school time with their friends and ponder their relationships with their buddies. It’s inevitable, but yet another painful reminder that they are slowly pulling away from us, still happy to be in the photos, but not needing to relive the happy family memories as much as their time with their pals.

I just had to pull the kids apart during an argument over lunch. “It’s not fair,” complained my son, now 7 years old.

Where did they get this idea of fairness in life and how and when do we disabuse them of the notion that some omniscient justice will always be available to them?

I now realize that nursery school is all about instilling this idea of fairness in little kids. In our attempts to socialize them, we constantly affirm the idea of each person having “their turn.” To keep control of the pre-school masses, it’s important for them to see some structure in the way things work, and that there is hope for their own satisfaction if they just wait their turn.

When they get to elementary school, however, perhaps by first grade, they quickly see on the playground, away from the scrutiny of the all beneficent adults, that fairness doesn’t always rule the day. But at home, they cling to this idea for longer, perhaps because moms and dads are usually acutely aware of special treatment between siblings. King Solomon-like, we’re often put in the role of the final decision-maker.

At some point though, along with the hard truth about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, parents have to tell kids about the noble ideal of justice. We try to believe in it, we strive for it, but we can’t survive without some doubt about it. Without turning our kids into cynical little ten year olds, we have to slowly introduce the real facts: cheaters often win, bad things some times happen to good people, and that the “rules of the game” are a bit different than the ones we see while wearing rose-colored glasses.

The trick for us dads is to model positive behavior on our fundamental ideals such as honesty, fairness, peace, and equality, while preparing our kids to someday read the front page of the newspaper and not be shocked when they learn of the external world. Like most dads, I parse out information on a need to know basis to my 7 and 11 year olds, trying to avoid exposure to things they don’t need to see before their time.

I’m interested in how other dads see this challenge? Do you blurt out “There is NO Santa,” to expose them to hard truths? How do you prepare them for white lies, road rage, or discrimination? Let us know in the comments below.

I have been very patient, but my personal and professional spam is now out of control, consuming more and more of my day as I try to weed through what are legitimate business propositions for GreatDad and Pregnancy Magazine, and what is pure garbage. Most of the time, it’s easy, but it still takes time. Then there is the curse of friends’ hacked email accounts, where they send you links and files to open. These are clearly not come-ons I’m going to react to, but I still dutifully look at their emails. And then there are also all the spam emails I get like this to my newsletters (at) GreatDad and Pregnancy accounts, from people I don’t know, but which could very well be a consumer inquiry, suggestion, or complaint. I still have to open them.

But the absolute worst is that the spammers have figured out how to infect actual human beings to continue spamming and interrupting the work day. Since each new person who is embarrassed by a hacker attack feels compelled to apologize to EVERYONE in their address book, I now get the spam and then the APOLOGY for the spam, as if I really think my mother or my high school friend really meant to send me a link for discount Cialis on line. For the record, there is no reason to apologize for being the victim of an attack or acting all embarrassed that this happened to you (sometimes people go out of their way with long emails assuring me they “would never send an email like this in their life,” which does make me think they protest a wee much).

Then there are also the dear friends and family who change their email every few months or years to avoid spam. There now three things that are unavoidable: death, taxes, and now spam. Please choose an email for life and stick with it.

And finally, there is now a whole industry spamming forums and discussion groups and I spend 30 minutes a day weeding out entries that read, “Hi. Bye.” Some are in Russian and have so many redirects, users can’t even open the entry. Others are filled with links or worse, if I didn’t have a ban on the code, rows and rows of porn images. I’ve been approached many times by people promising to get my links all over the web, so I do understand why the link spammers do this. But I am amazed how much of the forum spam serves no purpose at all. Does anyone know? Is it there just to test the system to see what gets through.

And, a last question to those who also deal with this. Is it best to ban spammers by ID, email, or IP address? I’ve tried them all, but the spam just keeps on coming!

What is your experience? What do you do to minimize spam? How do you ensure that you don’t miss the real “million dollar contest winner” email?

PS: I just heard of a plug-in for Apple Mail, Outlook and Firefox browser that is supposed to make it easier to unsubscribe from emails. I read about it in MacWorld and will give it a try.

Lisa Belkin, who has written the Motherlode blog on NYT.com for years, has decided the grass is greener over at The Huffington Post. This in itself, I find kind of sad, since Lisa has built her reputation attached to the New York Times brand, but so goes the world of new media. But the story has made an interesting turn since Ms. Belkin used the move to change the name of her column from Motherlode to Parentlode. Whether she did this, as she says, because ‘“Motherlode” doesn’t really fit in an era when fathers are every bit the parent,’ or because she needed a new name, is anyone’s guess. However, the NYT doesn’t agree that this is a good name, or at least that it doesn’t run up against their trademark on the use of “motherlode” for a column of this type.

NYT lawyers sent a cease-and-desist letter to the Huffington Post yesterday, WWD reports. “While we are flattered by your focus on our blog and your apparent fondness for its name, we obviously cannot permit you to adopt a name whose sole purpose is to create an association in the minds of readers with our ‘Motherlode’ blog…” NYT lawyer Richard Samson wrote. “This is a transparent attempt to capitalize on the fame and reputation of the original nytimes.com blog, and constitutes an obvious infringement of The Times’ rights under U.S. Trademark law.”

From NYT Says Huffington Post’s Parentlode Is A Load Of…Well, You Know

We’ve always enjoyed Lisa from her days doing the Preppy Handbook, and we wish her continued success, whatever she calls herself.

First of all, a confession. I am a shoemaker and my children have no shoes.

I’ve been working in the Internet since 1996, but my daughter, at 11, is clearly the last one in her class to get an email. Opening that Pandora’s Box is something that I push off month to month, day to day, hour to hour. Now, at long last, a teacher is requiring that all six graders have an email. It’s almost Halloween and we have not yet bowed down to the edict.

If you’re scared of email for your kids, there are surprisingly few resources. If you want them to play more games, there are a million walled gardens all willing to take your money. There are lots of filters for internet use, Net Nanny and Apple’s built-in parental controls among them. And, there are plenty of kiddy email sites that allow your infant a happy place to click on lots of letters without messing up the computer too much, and these progress up to age 8, 9, or maybe 10. But if you have waited until your daughter is almost 12 to give her an email, she will cry, as mine did, when you suggest she go to a site called Zilladog to access her email.

So, it’s a sorry state, but we’ll likely get her a Gmail account and monitor it ourselves until she is a bit older. I’m not overjoyed by this, but my baby is growing up.

Still, there are some parental tasks left to do, and first among them is choosing a screen name. There is nothing I could find online on this, except for one thin forum post on choosing a screen name. So here is what I’ve come up with as a guideline for my daughter:

1. No real names. She can use a nickname or some random word, but nothing that identifies her personally.

2. No ID that she’s a girl. So no girlygirl@gmail.com. This doesn’t surprise her at all for some reason and I’m happy I don’t have to explain why I’m being careful.

3. No years, like her birth year or the current year so that she isn’t marked by a certain era. Plus adding 123 after your chosen name is so AOL circa 1999.

Unfortunately, with over 2 billion internet users (Nielsen March 2011) and who knows how many on gmail, almost any combo of words is already taken until you get into phrases that are out of common usage.

Still, the rules are in place and we may have to keep searching a bit together. Otherwise, she can start using her new email : elephantupstaircase@gmail.com as early as tonight.

I receive about two emails a day on news, books, and article pitches about bullying. After years of nods about it, people are really taking notice. And sure, a lot of the “notice” means psycho babble and kid-friendly catch phrase (“Use your words!”), but I like it. I’m astounded at the emotional maturity of my kids who have been exposed to the playground training and how they deal with conflict.

My son yesterday had a hard day. His best friend told him to sit out a few games of dodgeball because my son had accidentally hit his arm. This wasn’t a teacher giving a time out, but another 7 year old excluding my son from playing, and it turned out to be a pattern for the rest of the day. By the end, my son declared that the friendship was “over.” He is very hurt by the experience, but I’m very heartened that he has the vocabulary to put what happened and his feelings into words. And, at the same time, the other child’s dad is very aware that exclusion isn’t appropriate and is right there with me trying to figure out how to get them together again as soon as possible to get them back together.

Today, on the way into school, my son mentioned to me, “It’s not good to hit someone when they hit you.” He explained further, “If you do that, then they will just hit you back and then it will continue.” My mind was reeling. First thought: Good for you to understand how cycles of violence work. I have a Mideast peace negotiator in development. Second thought: Oh no. What if he starts getting hit and can’t protect himself. Will a bully take advantage of his pacifism and pummel him? Third thought: Boy am I lucky that we go to a school with a lot of adult supervision and an active peer conflict resolution.

What is that last, “peer conflict resolution?” Our school has a program, which I bet isn’t rare now, that trains fourth graders on how to monitor the playground and get involved in disputes, bullying and exclusion before they become traumatizing issues. My daughter worked hard on her application to do this a few years ago and was very proud to serve her school in this role. I was amazed that she would even want to spend her time this way, but she was not alone in applying. A lot of kids saw the value of protecting “fun” on the playground that involves everyone.

Kids are amazing at every age, but not the same way at every age. Just as you are mourning the loss of some part of their childhoods, they surprise you with new tricks and discoveries. We are very lucky to be around children during these years since they remind us of all that is possible in the world, including peace on the playground.