On my desk this week – Stepmonster and Rules for my Unborn Son

November 2nd, 2009

Two books arrived on my doorstep this week.

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1. Rules for My Unborn Son is a very light read featuring 100 or so quick one-liners (”Don’t Swing at the first pitch.”) as advice to give to kids. There are some pieces of wisdom here that will mostly make adults nod in agreement. This is likely not a book you’d give as a graduation present – it’s more of a gift for a new dad. It might be a good way to start your own project of writing down your own “rules” to set aside for someday when your kids are interested in what tidbits of knowledge you’ve picked up along the way.

2. Stepmonster is a thorough examination of the thoughts and motivations of stepmoms. We don’t usually cover books written by women, but this seems like such an important topic. The publisher says that half the women in the United States will either live with or marry a man with children not her own. That’s a big number. Stepmoms seem to be in a losing position all around – not eligible in most cases for the true mommy love of the kids, yet having to sacrifice for their upbringing and in the attentions of the dad in their lives. Yes, there are plenty of cruel stepmothers out there, but I’ve also heard a lot of heroic tales of stepmoms who go beyond the call to prove they can step up to the role. This looks like a good book if you’re trying to understand how the other half sees things.

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Why parenting magazines ignore us dads

October 21st, 2009

It’s true most parenting magazines have mom-free names and try to insert a page or two “just for dad,” but the reason the overwhelming amount of content is geared toward the female persuasion has a lot less to do with the editors than it does the people who are paying to get the magazine out the door: the advertisers.

Sorry Dad – but they don’t care if you want five friendly recipes for adding veggies to your kid’s diet. They want to sell your wife/girlfriend a package of organic waffles with broccoli ground up inside. Because the studies show she’s the one more likely to buy them. Women are widely touted as the controllers of the family purse strings – even in families where there are shared checking accounts. The common number you hear? About eighty percent of family spending is done by the female head of household.

From Why Parenting Mags Ignore Dad | Strollerderby]

Bad news for those of us trying at least to cover the cost of the Pampers by writing about our dad experiences. Until we become a real economic force, dads are an add-on. But why is that when dads are involved, or usually lead, the very big ticket items, like the choice of the mini van or the new long-term life insurance plan.

As I mentioned a few posts back, this year at the ABC Kids show in Vegas, “dad” was integrated into all the marketing materials. Maybe dad isn’t doing the weekly shopping but he is weighing in heavily on which stroller he is willing to push down the street, or which car seat he’s going to move in and out of the car. Dads do think differently than moms, and the sexes will likely continue to have their own sweet spots and obsessions, but count on more and more dads to be making the choice of the family toothpaste and even the diapers as we take a more active role in “home” and even stay there to be with the kids.

Reality show ‘not healthy for my kids’ – compared to this guy, I am a Great Dad!

October 21st, 2009

And it took months of humiliation to figure this out? Gosselin says he now understands this, appearing on the Larry King Live show.

“This has been a media explosion. I’ve been on the cover of magazines since January,” Gosselin told King. “It’s just crazy, I want the fodder to stop . . . I don’t want to be filmed anymore and I don’t want the kids involved.”

I haven’t watched any of this, but it’s hard not to soak it up by osmosis unless you live in a cave or high up on a mountain. I guess people like this guy, and the Heene character exist to make us all feel comparatively like really really great dads.

Reality show ‘not healthy for my kids,’ Gosselin dad now decides

[From Reality show 'not healthy for my kids,' Gosselin dad now decides]

Five new ways to cut family budget and expenses

October 21st, 2009

Here are five more things to consider when paring back expenses this year.

1. Be cooperative. Coops of all sorts are a great way to cut spending Kids clothes and toys are a very popular trade and use category. And babysitting is a natural since it’s almost always easier to take care of your own kids when they have someone to play with. Take the lead and organize these activities at your church or school where you have a lot of like-minded parents. But don’t neglect also the help of seniors who may babysit in exchange for other help (computer aid, CPA advice, etc.)

2. Kill extra credit card charges. Everyone always makes this suggestion because it’s true. Paying credit card interest fees is stupid, since you can get cheaper money almost anywhere.

  • If 20% annually seems reasonable, at least pay it to a relative who wouldn’t be able to earn 20% anywhere else in this market.
  • At the very least, look for cards that charge lower interest and monitor the rates. CardTrak.com publishes a monthly list of credit card rates and Bankrate.com keeps a updated list of the best credit card deals, divided into categories: no-fee cards, low-interest cards, and mileage cards.Burning taxpayer & shareholder money -- "No Hassle"
  • If your card wants an annual fee, call them and negotiate it lower or eliminate completely. It’s always good to ask. Set your automated bank payments to send a small amount every month to your credit card issuer. Even if you pay extra interest, now you’ll never have to pay a late charge on top of it.

3. Cut back on the restaurant habit or find ways to cut back on costs. Entertainment books are a great way to save money if you eat at those restaurants anyway. Restaurants.com also has money-saving coupons for good restaurants that make sense if you do a little planning. Set your restaurant budget and then cut it by 20% so that you actually use the coupons.

4. Increase insurance deductibles for auto and home coverage. You’re the best judge as to how much risk you can handle, but it’s better to have $1000 deductible on your insurance rather than $500 if you’re a pretty safe driver and if the one-time hit in case of an accident wouldn’t wipe you out.

5. Cancel the gym and get a Wii Fit. You have to find the best routine that works for you and motivates you to put in at least 30 minutes per day of physical activity. A gym membership is a beautiful thing if you use it, but if you’re paying for it month after month without spending any time there, you’re not really burning any calories are you. We got a Wii Fit and I find it easier to fit in a workout at home. Plus I don’t waste time and gas getting to the gym.

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Have a beer, save a life from prostate cancer

October 16th, 2009

Happy to help on this awareness campaign. All it takes is to just to remember to ask for the PSA test to be added to your blood workup next time you’re in for a physical. It’s no big deal.


Pints for Prostates is a grassroots effort to reach men with a critical message about prostate cancer screening using the universal language of beer.

Started by prostate cancer survivor and drinks journalist Rick Lyke, the goal of the program is to communicate with men in a friendly and non-threatening way about the need for regular prostate health screenings and PSA testing.

Recent studies have shown that PSA screening does a great job of discovering prostate cancer but doesn’t translate into many saved lives. Some prostate cancer is so slow growing, it does not cause death, but screening can’t predict how fast a man’s cancer will grow.

Without that knowledge, PSA screening can also lead to needless treatment that diminishes quality of life. Some men choose surgery or radiation treatment, and that can cause impotence and incontinence, at least temporarily. Others opt for “watchful waiting.”

The news is confusing to middle-age men who have been urged to get the test annually to reduce their chances of becoming a casualty of the No. 1 cancer killer of men.

Despite the American Cancer Society guideline that men start getting routine PSA screening at 50, Lyke thinks men ought to start at 40.

“If I had waited till I was 50, I would have been in serious trouble, he said. “The goal for Pints for Prostates is to make men aware. You at least need to know what your PSA is. What you do with that information is up to you. You have to talk to your family about it, and you have to talk to your doctor about it.”

[From Pints for Prostates » About]


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New Homedics Restore Water Purifier and Sanitizer is a good tool if you live in an area with a potentially unsafe water supply

October 16th, 2009

We recently tried the Homedics Restore Water Purifier and Sanitizer. Based on the included documentation, it’s a good choice if you have concerns about the cleanliness of the water in your area. At the same time, we found there was no discernible taste difference between water purified by the Biomedics model versus our old fashioned Brita filter.200910161632.jpg

The Homedics “machine” is a new water filter on the market and provides both Brita-style filtering of water as well as ultraviolet light sanitization. The Homedics unit is proven to kill 99.9999% of bacteria, 99.99% of viruses and 99.95% of microbial cysts every time with a special UV bulb that will always deliver the required kill rate and will not f ade over time. At the same time, water purification and sanitization are extra steps that require some dedication and may seem more bother than they are worth, again if your water supply is very safe. Purification requires pouring water into the reservoir and letting it go through the filter two times before the 8 cup container is full. Then, you need to flip a switch to allow the sanitization feature that cleans the water to work, after which you push another button to turn on the electric light which is plugged into the wall. All this is a bit of effort if you have a family drinking multiple quarts of water each day.

UV sanitization does have many advantages over chemical sanitization, as reported by the National Drinking Water Clearinghouse.

• Has no known toxic or significant nontoxic byproducts

• Has no danger of overdosing;

• Removes some organic contaminants;

• Has no volatile organic compound (VOC) emissions or toxic air emissions;

• Has no onsite smell and no smell in the final water product;

• Requires very little contact time (seconds versus minutes for chemical disinfection);

• Does not require storage of hazardous material;

• Improves the taste of water because of some organic contaminants and nuisance microorganisms are destroyed.


We found the system pretty easy to use and self-explanatory, with the following performance issues and questions:

1. The lid fell off onto the counter as we tried to pour the last few drops of water into our glass. This appears to be a design flaw.

2. While the manufacturer has gone way out their way to install a fail-safe system into the machine so it won’t appear to sanitize if the bulb mechanism is not working, there is no way to verify if each human operator has sanitized the water. If you did live where clean water is a significant issue, this would be cause of major concern.

3. The filter type is different than the Brita system with less distribution, so you’ll have harder time replacing the filters every few months. (Brita is sold by Clorox so has very wide distribution.)


At about three times more for the sanitizer feature (vs Brita) and the added hassle to make it worth it, you should weigh the value in your area.


GreatDad.com Review Policy: The featured product for this review was provided to us, at no cost, by the manufacturer or representing PR agency for the sole purpose of product testing. We do not accept monetary compensation for reviewing or writing about products. We only review products that we have personally tested and used in our own homes, and all opinions expressed are our own.

Help for helpless dads (and moms) with no support system, but lots of cash

October 16th, 2009

Finally someone has come up with the ultimate service for new parents who have no time, no clue, but lots of coin. Gifted At Birth (giftedatbirth.com) sends you everything you need to take care of baby every week, for three months after the baby is born.

They’ll even help you choose the right items for your lifestyle (green, idiot-proof….). All this for the low low starter price of only $124. If you live in Manhattan, a postpartum doula wiil come to you to explain how everything works, including the baby. Outside the diamond-studded boundaries of NYC, however, it will be a burly UPS guy who won’t have a clue.

You have to admire the moxie of a company that can make the promise to figure out what you need every week and imagine that you’ll just outsource it all. Maybe some well-heeled people are that overwhelmed, but they might also be in denial about how much parenting you actually need to do when you are a parent.

Warning: their site has the dreaded homepage music that can wake your co-workers, your sleeping spouse, or the baby!

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How to take a great holiday photo of your kids or baby

October 16th, 2009

Christmas (ugh!) will be here before you know it, so let me be the first to suggest taking that photo this weekend instead of waiting until late November.

Our budget doesn’t allow a pro photographer this year and I like to think of myself as pretty handy with a camera. I know at least I can take a picture as well as the photo guy at the department store. With new digital cameras that take 100s of photos for free, there’s no reason most people can’t do this as well.

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My wife always loves the finished product, but she always laughs at me for two things: my equipment and my setup.

First, she thinks it’s amazing that I bother with a tripod and also that I clean my lens obsessively with a little blower brush. Anyone who does much photography knows though that a tripod really frees you up to shoot at slower speeds which means more control over light and depth of field. A blower brush means less wiping of the lens, which can introduce little scratches that will permanently scar all of your photos.

Secondly, she always wishes I’d get out of the box of always shooting out holiday shot in the same way with the same props. She’s partly right on that — we all need to break out of the rut, but there are some time-tested suggestions on taking photos if you want to get good results. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. Ready for your close-up? Whether you crop later or start close in, you want to fill the frame with your subjects. It’s less important to capture their knees (unless they have super cute ones) than it is to focus on faces.

2. Keep your background neutral and blank. Light colors are best. Avoid trees in the background unless they are just providing a green background. Cityscapes are nice, but it’s better to see the Empire State Building peeking out behind someone’s shoulder than it is to capture all of midtown, for example.

3. Use natural light. Shoot outdoors if the weather allows taking advantage of either early morning or late afternoon light. Photographers refer to this as the “golden” or “magic” hour, the hour or so after sunrise and just before sunset when the light is less harsh. Plan your shot also so that your subjects will not be staring into the sun while standing in front of your perfect background.

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4. Shoot at eye level. If you’re taking a picture of little kids or babies, don’t shoot from above. Get down at their level, which will motivate them to interact with you and the camera. Move away from the viewfinder so they can see your eyes.

5. If you’re taking a picture of a baby, consider using a prop that will give people an idea of his or her size.

6. Dress everyone in contrasting colors, rather than busy patterns.

7. Consider sepia or black and white over color

Now here are my own personal routines that my wife wishes I’d shelve, but which have worked for nine straight holiday shots. First, while we live in temperate San Francisco, I dress my kids in heavy coats, scarves and Santa hats. Yep, every year. Second, since before they were born, I’ve used a kitschy little Santa toy that they have held in their hands as a prop. Third, I’ve placed both kids side by side and had them mostly facing forward and smiling at the camera. These photos are never going to make the Museum of Modern Art, but they accomplish my main mission: to capture the kids at a moment of time, happy and together, which is what we can hope every Christmas memory will be.

Monkey Bar Buddies helps little girls stay little kids on the playground

October 15th, 2009

I met Gina Wismiller at the ABC Kids Show a few weeks ago and I liked her product because it resonates with the situation in our house. My daughter is nine years old and still plays around like a kid. She likes to wear dresses, but like any kid, she wants to be ready to take advantage of any climbing/jumping/tumbling activity. However, when she’s wearing a dress or skirt, that’s not possible. Therefore, she’s quit wearing the skirts and dresses in the closet, much to the disappointment of my wife who spent money and time finding them for her. Monkey Bar Buddies for active girls

Enter the Monkey Bar Buddies, a kind of over the underwear short that girls can wear under their skirt. Part of the magic is in the name and the packaging which talk directly to little girls, making the product fun, but providing the security to be little kids and dres-wearing at the same time.

At $16, they are affordable, especially if it’s the difference between wearing those dresses in the closet or leaving them hanging.

New risks of texting while with baby

October 15th, 2009

Another excellent article by Jane Brody of the New York Times on the importance of talking and communicating with your baby, including looking him or her straight in the eye. Prior generations didn’t have distractions like iPhones and Blackberries and parents talked to their kids. Now, we have to avoid the temptation to text, and talk instead.

Ms. Jacoby’s general advice to parents: “Reward your little one’s communicative attempts with your heightened attention to his/her conversation. Be prepared to put down your cellphone and look them squarely in the eye as they share their thoughts with you.”

Communication begins as soon as a baby is born. The way you touch, hold, look at and talk to babies help them learn your language, and the different ways babies cry help you learn their language — “I’m wet,” “I’m hungry,” “I’m tired,” “I hurt,” “I’m overwhelmed” and so forth.

“Talk to your baby whenever you have the chance,” the American Medical Association advises parents. “Even though he doesn’t understand what you’re saying, your calm, reassuring voice is what he needs to feel safe. Always respond to your newborn’s cries — he cannot be spoiled with too much attention.”

The American Speech-Language-Hearing Association urges parents to reinforce communication efforts by looking at the baby and imitating vocalizations, laughter and facial expressions.

“Talk while you are doing things,” the association suggests. “Talk about where you are going, what you will do once you get there, and who and what you’ll see.”

You might say things like, “Now we’re going to put on your socks,” “We’re going in the car to see Grandma,” or, “When we get to the playground, I’ll push you on the swing.”

[From Personal Health - Parents Need to Tune In and Engage a Young Child With Talk - NYTimes.com]

A recent study in the Journal of Applied Development and Psychology says that in families with two working parents, dads have a greater impact on children’s language development than moms.   The key thing is to keep talking and engaging your kids at all ages, avoiding all the other electronic stimuli that doesn’t teach kids, or adults, how to really interact.