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Seven worst pet gifts and two good ones
It’s December 23rd and still time to answer a Craiglist ad for a new horse, pet pig, or used rabbit cage. Here’s our advice on six pets not to get:
1. Tarantula – Sure, they are cute, furry, and cuddly when you take them home, but wait until your son lays one on your face while you’re taking a post-football Sunday nap. Your heart attack won’t be as embarrassing as what you’ll do in your pants.
2. Snake – Yes, they also look great in the pet store when you’re thinking of how your ex-wife will react. But, trust me, they are a lot less fun when the wily creatures find a way out of the snake cage, free to wander through the walls and heating ducts of your house, ready to jump out at you.
3. Baby Croc – Ever hear of the alligators in the New York sewer system, some of which managed to crawl backwards up the pipes to take bites out of the rears of people sitting on the toilet. Even if it’s the goofiest urban myth imaginable, I still don’t like the image or increasing the probability of it happening.
3. Pony – Unless you have a driver to take your child to the stable a few times a week and a trust fund to cover the stable bills, this is not a gift any sane parent should consider.
4. Cat – Cats are the devil’s embodiment on earth, here to tease us while planting deep, dark thoughts in our brains, while they aren’t plotting to suffocate us while we sleep. Invite one into your home at your own peril.
5. Eboli Virus – It’s alive, active, and hard to kill. Sounds like a perfect pet for young kids then? Think again.
6. Dog – We love dogs. They are smart, loyal, and wonderful burglar alarms. But if you ever want to take another vacation, without a dog strapped to the roof a la Mitt Romney, think again. Even if you never vacation anywhere beyond car range, spending all your free time out walking a dog with a plastic bag of warm feces in your hand is no way to spend middle age.
7. Gerbil – Mess to clean with constant odor. They enjoy drawing blood from fingers just trying to pet them. Worse: a ferret.
Two suggestions:
1. Ant Farm – Ants make no noise and just eat through the jelly included in the ant farm. When they die, no one cries.
2. Miniature frogs – These frogs, like the ones from Wild Creations,
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Count to ten – holiday stress
The kids are at home this week and next, and it is hard. As much as I’d like to believe in it, there are no “great dads” or even good dads. There are moms and dads who try every day to manage their own demons and stresses to be the best parents they can be. My wife often says I get too preachy about being a good parent, and she is somewhat correct. Because I have a work at home job, and can spend a lot of time with my kids, I do have the moral high ground in helping with homework, forcing them to eat daily carrots (their only vegetable) and keeping them at piano practice way longer than they want to. And I don’t have to do all that after 9 hours of working with a boss I can’t stand. Even so, on long holidays, even I can get testy with them, especially my younger boy who everyday is asking for more GoGo dolls or another LEGO because he’s bored (and this 4 days before he’s zooming in on the big Christmas score).
The big challenge for me is to keep reminding myself that a 7 year old isn’t the same as an 11 year old and neither are the same as an adult. Each person, toddler, child, teen, mom and dad are seeing the holidays through their own prism, expectations and rose-colored glasses. I have to kick myself several times a day to not yell, not get impatient, not be empathetic since they are not all Zen Buddhist monks with no worldly cares or wants.
But some days, all you can do it count to ten and try not to be the least mature of the bunch. That’s my personal goal for today, tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday. Then I can go back to trying to be supremely patient and understanding once the stresses or Christmas are over and all that is left is the glow, and the wrapping paper to toss out.
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Worst Dads: Dad charged with binding girl with tape
Maybe at this point, it’s just piling on, but sometimes things people do with or to kids, supposedly thinking it’s all in good fun, are just too much. Here a single dad saw his daughter playing with packing tape and decided it would be funny to wrap it around her legs and hands and over her mouth and post a picture on Facebook. To make matters worse, he labeled the photo “Here’s wut (sic) happens when my baby hits me back. ; )”
And, now of course, he is clogging the courts with an aggravated assault charge. He can’t have contact with his daughter or any child under 18 while the case is pending. He is also not allowed on the Internet.
Amazingly stupid and lacking any humor for a dad whose mom says her son is a “big jokester.”
[From Dad charged with binding girl with tape ‘feels awful’ - Chicago Sun-Times]
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Review: BabyGiraffe Accessory Holder
The BabyGiraffe is a multi-use accessory for holding and hanging anything from a toy to a bottle that any parent would appreciate.
One thing we’ve learned about Rosemary, our three month old baby girl, is that she loves to stare at things. Especially fuzzy, hanging things. Put something fuzzy and hanging in front of her eyes and she’ll be captivated for period of time. And the more things you can dangle in front of her, the better. In an effort to keep her distracted and therefore quiet, we dangle things in front of her whenever we can.
But not everything you place her in is outfitted with fuzzy hanging things. This is where the BabyGiraffe, a versatile holder of fuzzy things, comes in handy. It is a simple yet clever accessory that allows you to dangle fuzzy things in front of your baby just about anywhere. It uses a surprisingly powerful spring-loaded clamp that doesn’t budge once it is clamped onto something. At home, I’ve clamped it on the changing table, the swinging chair, and the crib. The flexible spine makes it easy to place the hanging object exactly where you want it and viola, baby is distracted. It is small enough to fit into a diaper bag, so we take it everywhere. As soon as we settle Rosemary in, the BabyGiraffe comes out.
The idea of a gadget like this to hang things from was a great one, but the giraffe print cover was a stroke of genius. The soft material protects the surfaces it clamps to, which any fabric cover would do, but by using a giraffe motif, it is so much more fun. It was because of the giraffe print that before I even used it, I was charmed.
Other than fuzzy things, the BabyGiraffe comes with a bottle holder and a mirror, which comes in super handy for rear facing car seats or front facing strollers so you can keep an eye on your baby. Or it can be positioned so your baby can stare in awe at her own reflection.
At just $24.95. the BabyGiraffe is an accessory that any new parents will appreciate and use, so it makes an affordable and memorable gift.
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2011 in Bans around babies and kids
Some days it just seems like there are too many rules. Take a look at this list compiled by Yahoo! Shine’s Piper Weiss on crazy rules set up around pregnancy, baby names, schools and travel. Some seem a bit over the top and more than a few downright unnecessary, but in a world more and more focussed on the individual, it’s not surprising some organizations are trying to herd the cats. Happy reading.
· Baby photos: A Maryland hospital banned baby photos in the first five minutes after a child is delivered. The hospital explained that family photographers were causing risky distractions, though those in opposition to the policy believed it was put in place to avoid malpractice lawsuits.
· Brown-bag lunches: A Chicago public school banned kids from bringing food from home, forcing them to eat the cafeteria lunches or nothing at all. The school says it’s healthier for kids but not all parents agree. They’re also not in agreement on the price-point, considering home-made leftovers are a lot less money than the daily cafeteria fee.
· Baggy pants: Schools districts from Florida to Pennsylvania banned students from wearing baggy pants. In Orlando an actual “baggy pants” law suspended students who “exposed underwear or body parts” with a little loose hanging fabric.
· Babies on planes: When Malaysia Airlines banned babies from some first class flights, the hospitality industry took note.
· Babies with the name Lucifer: New Zealand courts decided to crack down on parents’ rights, banning the name from the baby books because of it’s satanic association.
· Kids expressing themselves creatively: It really sucked to be a high school student in Florida this year. By the summer, Lake County’s school district decided to ban “extreme” “unnatural” hair color and “bold” makeup, citing such mainstays of teen culture as causes of class distraction.
· Teachers-student Facebook friends: Social networking has been a minefield for teachers. In Missouri,
state senators came up with a band-aid solution. Fire any teacher who accepts a student’s friend request on Facebook. They probably shouldn’t retweet anything from a student either, just to be safe.
· Cheerleader uniforms: At a San Jose high school, cheerleaders are required to buy a micro-mini uniform if they make the squad. But they’re also required to take it off when they go to class, because it’s way too short. Paging the office of mixed messages.
· Saying ‘bless you’: A teacher said his class got so out of hand with sneeze follow-ups he banned the verbal courtesy from his classroom.
· Tanning teens: First no fur, now no leather skin. That’s probably a good thing. California passed a law banning the use of tanning beds by anyone under 18.
· Choosing your birth date: Hospitals in Massachusetts, New York, Arizona, Texas and California ban elective C-sections and inductions before 39 weeks gestation due to serious health risks.
· Dakota Fanning holding a bottle of perfume: The British Ad Council banned this ad suggesting it’s borderline pedophilia.
· Skinny jeans: At Brigham Young University-Idaho, students are getting turned away from their exams on the grounds that their jeans are far too form-fitting.
· Happy meals: In San Francisco, fast food joints can no longer bribe kids with toys. (Unless their parents want to spend an extra 10 cents.)
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