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Five tips for dads talking to kids about sex
It’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. You’re going to have to have the “talk.” And if you’re smart about it, you’ll realize that it’s not one talk, but probably many over the years as your kid goes from asking completely naive biology questions to clamming up around you whenever the subject comes up.
Here are a few tips you should keep in mind.
1. You probably can’t remember either how babies are made. So, for God’s sake, do some reading so you don’t feel yourself jumping to the details of the parts you do understand. Especially when talking to young kids, you want to only answer the parts they are curious about at their age, and not about the stuff they’ll only want to know when they are in their teens.
2. Use the media. For better or, mostly, worse, the media is full of inappropriate references. With little kids, we mostly wince and try to ignore them, hoping our kids will let them slip by, like random words of Chinese thrown into a sentence. However, at some point that you’ll recognize, you can use these references to check your child’s understanding or need to know.
3. Talk to them an not at them. Try to keep things two-way, and take a break if the conversation falters since that likely indicates you’ve done enough talking for now.
4. Talk your age. When it’s time to have a sex talk, it’s also time to dispense with words like pee-pee and boobies. Likewise, you also don’t want to use slang to refer to genitals. Stick with old standards like “penis” and “vagina” and you’ll at least take one awkwardness out of the equation.
5. Get over your own embarrassment. Now is not the time to worry about your own issues with sex, or think about the raunchy ideas you have connected with the subject at hand. Focus the mind on helping your kids get the age-appropriate information they need without coloring it with editorializing that might confuse their understanding at this point.
Related articles
- How to Talk to Your Kids About STDs (aolhealth.com)
- ‘Dad, Do You and Mom Have Sex?’ (omnipotentpoobah.com)
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Must-read advice for a weekend adults-only mini-vacation
I know some couples who have been married for 20 years and never have had a weekend without the kids since they were born. I wouldn’t recommend this. Married couples need nights out, and even nights away to recharge the romantic batteries. Whether it’s a motel down the road, or a trip a thousand miles away, try to make at least one trip away each year. Obviously, this is impossible in some situations where reliable childcare is not available or affordable for such a long time away. If, however, you have family around, take advantage of their generosity, and overcome your guilt, even if for just 24 hours.
Here are some rules to make that getaway easier for you, and for the kids:
1. Go to a place without kids. You want to be around any kids who will make you feel guilty for leaving yours behind. It will be hard to enjoy yourself if you’re both comparing other rugrats to your beautiful, intelligent, and well-mannered kids back home.
2. Do not call home, ET. Make sure everyone is aware that you will not be calling in, if this is a 24-hour trip. Likewise, no one should call you unless it’s truly an emergency.
3. Go in the middle of the week. Yes that sounds counter-intuitive, but if you go midweek, you’ll score three advantages. You might get a cheaper room (if not a business hotel), the kids will be focussed on school, an you’ll benefit from that illicit feeling that you’re cheating the system and playing hookey. This last might add more spice to your adventure away.
4. Plan events you can enjoy together. That doesn’t mean suffering if she wants to tour a flower garden, but it likely means you golfing alone all afternoon is out. The idea is to spend time together, not to take a mini-vacation away from her and the kids.
5. Drive if you can. Pulling away in a car makes the trip start right away, versus after a long day hassle with the airport. If you can limit your destination to just 1-2 hours away, you’ll be able to maximize the feeling putting distance and minimize the stress of too much travel.
6. Give the kids a big gift. And, do let them watch TV and movies while you’re gone. You’re getting away to be pampered; why not let them enjoy themselves too. A little gift left to be opened after you leave will also help ease the pain of separation, or at least distract them a bit.
While it’s hard to cram in a full year of life before kids in a weekend, it sure is fun to try.
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Take Time To Talk To Your Child About Whatever Crap They Like | The Onion
Leave it to The Onion to turn time-tested “get involved and interested” advice into sarcasm. You’ll likely smile while reading this piece since it’s the little devil sitting on your shoulder when you’ re trying to read the paper and your daughter wants to relate the entire plot line, page by page, of the shallow book she is reading.
Being a parent isn’t easy. If you’re anything like me, you know it’s hard to find enough hours in the day for working, sleeping, and raising the kids. But leading psychologists agree that taking an active role in your child’s burgeoning interests is crucial to their development. So, regardless of how busy your schedule gets, it’s important to take an interest in the bullshit your kids care about.
Remember: That stupid crap matters to them, and they need to feel like you give a shit about it.
Still the gist is good: develop a relationship with your kids now so that you’ll have one when they reach adolescence.
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New Year Resolutions for Dads
Sure, they say that New Year’s resolutions are never kept, but that doesn’t stop us from writing them up. And, I swear, this year, I’m really going to try. The ones I have in mind aren’t that big a stretch. I’m not going to finally “write that novel” or run a marathon. I just want to make a few simple changes. And, I have a new system to try to keep me on track.
- Spend ten minutes alone each day with each of my two kids. This won’t be too much harder. The only the trick will be to separate them when I’m doing the daddy-focus time. I usually read a 10-12 pages of Harry Potter to my eldest each night, so check that one off the list. For my four-year-old, this will take a lot more “get-down-on-the-floor” action. This may be the most important one of the bunch and something everyone can do.
- Try to reduce the number of times I say “Don’t” or “No!” to my four-year-old. He’s naturally more rambunctious than my eight year old and he’s starting to protest that we yell at him too much. I want to try to limit the yelling to when it’s really a safety issue or when he’s about to tip over the TV.
Gotta get the little buggers eating better food. I paged through Jessica Seinfeld’s Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food, though I was scared off by how she puts sweet potatoes into everything. This one will be the trickiest in the book, since I’m usually overjoyed that the kids want pizza (again!).- Do 25 push-ups a day, and 30 by March. I’m a sucker for easy fixes like this, but I found this article in the New York Times on the value of push-ups quite compelling. Push-ups are great exercise and a good barometer of overall health. I WILL get to the gym every other day and do my stretches. (It’s January 12th and I’m already doing 30 – onwards to 35).
Go greener. Okay, I’m sticking this one in because I’m already doing it, but still there are lots of places to cut. I bought myself a pedometer and just that step has me thinking again before taking the car out to drive ten or twelve blocks rather than walk. My goal is to make all the kids’ lunch biodegradable or reusable. Out with the plastic bags, in with reusuable containers. I just got these stainless steel bowls for lunches. They are a little clunky and could be used for a jail break, but they are durable and a convenient size, especially if you make circular sandwiches.
That’s enough! My other resolutions are professional and are overwhelming.
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Throw out the TV – that’s what happy people do
Happy people spend a lot of time socializing, going to church and reading newspapers — but they don’t spend a lot of time watching television, a new study finds.
That’s what unhappy people do.
“We looked at 8 to 10 activities that happy people engage in, and for each one, the people who did the activities more — visiting others, going to church, all those things — were more happy,” Dr. Robinson said. “TV was the one activity that showed a negative relationship. Unhappy people did it more, and happy people did it less.”
While the study can’t definitively say it’s TV that makes people unhappy (versus “unhappy people watch a lot of TV), I think we all know all know it’s likely the former. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise since we all know that gorging on basically everything is bad for you. Gluttony, after all, is a deadly sin. Whether it’s too much steak, vodka, gambling, drugs, or just lying around the beach for years (AKA “sloth,” another deadly sin), too much of a good thing is, well, too much of a good thing.
Perhaps turning off the TV is hardest on us as parents. I know that this week, there will be more of our share of Kung Fu Panda and Wall-E than the kids need. We’ll need it however, if we ever hope to get anything other than canned cranberries on the table on Thursday. But reading this article, which can only confirm your suspicions, might help give me the strength to take the remote control in my hand and press OFF… well, maybe after just one more episode of the Backyardigans.
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