It really seems America has forgotten about our wars in the Middle East, except as a frequent political ploy as politicians on both sides always take out time to “salute the troops.” Forgotten almost completely, too, is the human cost to the men and women abroad, but families torn up State-side and years or kids going without a mom or dad in the house.

Not surprisingly, there is a mental health cost here as well for the kids affected says a new study.

Young children in military families are about 10 percent more likely to see a doctor for a mental difficulty when a parent is deployed than when the parent is home, researchers are reporting Monday in the most comprehensive study to date of such families’ use of health insurance during wartime.

[From Children’s Mental Health Visits Up as Parent Deploys - Study - NYTimes.com]

My friend Donny Claxton over at DaddyClaxton.com is working on project to understand the major fears of dads. Without giving it a lot of analysis, I wrote down my top ten. What are yours?

1 that there will be an accident that I could not have prevented

2 that there will be an accident that I could have prevented

3 puberty

4 life without them in the house

5 major life challenges for them I can not solve for them (failure to get into a good school, get a job, etc)

6 unexpected illness

7 serious romantic relationships I think are wrong for them

8 late nights out with the car

9 teen years rejection of parents

10 the day they no longer hold my hand when crossing the street.

And that’s without the money fears. Strangely, terrorist attack wasn’t anywhere on the list.

Another 8 time celebrity dad. Rod Stewart does it again at 65.

Stewart defends being dad at 65

Rod Stewart has defended his decision to have another baby at 65, insisting he’s “fitter than the average 45 year old.”

The rock legend will become a dad for the eighth time when his wife Penny Lancaster gives birth in March, and the baby news has sparked criticism over his choice to play daddy again in his mid-60s.

But Stewart is adamant he has no plans of slowing down and he is “fit and healthy” enough to play dad one more time.

[From Stewart defends being dad at 65]

I guess with the proper help, I could be fertile and take care of eight little ones. But I’d need a few gold records to keep me going.

Moms often ask me how they can get dad more involved. Here are a few tips that might not be obvious to the new mom.

1. Appeal to his gadget side: Babies are an excuse to buy lots of gadgets, like cameras, videocams, and baby monitors. This is the only time in life that a man’s wife will tell him to go to the store and buy a bunch of electronic stuff…for the good of the family.

2. Explain the importance of the first two years of development: Babies need lots of love and physical attention to aid in their development. The best thing a dad can do is interact with a baby to maximize development, especially during the crucial first two years. This is a responsibility of being a great dad along with changing diapers and mixing formula.

3. Tell him how sexy he looks when pushing a stroller. New dads are sexy. Mom certainly doesnt want to lose a new dad to women on the street who think he looks hot wearing that Baby Bjorn, but what guy doesn’t like getting extra attention, even if it’s because he has a baby strapped to his belly. Also, everyone on the street knows what new dad stud did to get that baby. Babies are like bright red sports cars – they do get noticed.

4. Get him to live in the moment: Babies are only babies once, and every day they change. You don’t want to have missed crucial parts of their development that can never be repeated.

5. Alleviate his guilt for not feeling the way mom does. Dads shouldn’t feel guilty that they don’t feel the same emotional bond that moms do during the first few years. This all changes when the baby starts to walk and talk. Some dads need to know this is okay.

6. Give him a break. Let him know that he’s doing a lot, even if you are conflicted about how much more he could do. Dads like to feel appreciated and many have a secret worry, often very realistic, that they will never be your top concern again.

7. Praise all of his efforts to do the stuff that comes naturally to you. Tell him he so naturally holds the baby. Let him be the first to change a diaper so he can say that over and over again. Let him be an expert on bottle washing and formula prep. The more you do and say to make dad feel that he has a natural role, the more he’ll do. The more you laugh at his ineptness or confusion, the more you’ll push him away from helping you.

8. Get counseling – a new baby is one of the most stressful events on a marriage, perhaps more so because it is thought of as the most binding. If you sense stresses on your marriage, get help earlier than later. Open communication is one of the most important things you can do to keep dad involved.

Dads don’t always think like moms, and moms and dads parent in different ways. Make sure to trust and treasure the different roles of both parents in your new family.

I doubt it’s much of a secret. Most men want to have a boy first. Partly, this is cultural conditioning. We’re constantly told how much everyone wants a boy, and we know a boy is harder to “get.” And, at least with the first child, we are so utterly clueless that we desire a boy baby without even giving it much thought. There’s certainly no guilt in wishing for a boy, when you have not yet met your baby-to-be.

I admit it. I wanted a little boy first. I was silently a bit disappointed when the little penis didn’t show up on the sonogram. Of course, as we all do, I said, “As long as she’s healthy I don’t care.” But I really wanted a little boy who would be my co-star in the next act of my human drama. We had instead a beautiful baby girl who has opened my world up in ways I never thought possible. She’s bright and sensitive and was feminine before she was even a week or month old. Once she was born, I didn’t look back. I fell head over heels in love with her in a way I was never expecting.

Our little boy was born four years later. At six now, he is all boy, compared to his sister. And we consider ourselves very lucky to know both of them, for all their differences. Maybe at one time, it was more important to have a boy for a very small minority, to maintain the family name and kingdom. Now, I can say, with the luck of having one of both, I’d take a third baby, of either sex, and my only wish would be that he or she is healthy.

Psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos, an expert on gender issues, says: “Boys were thought to be stronger and more capable in general, so having a boy child meant that your business, piece of land or corner shop was in better hands.”

The boys for men attitude continued down the years. For example, much of King Henry VIII’s marital troubles only came about because of his pursuit of a legitimate male heir.

Eventually, his third wife Jane Seymour gave him Prince Edward to satisfy that obsessive desire.

Dr Glenn Wilson, a professor in gender and sexual psychology, says men actively seek the pride and importance of having the family name passed through the generations.

He says: “This was true in the days of Henry VIII. Traditionally your line is carried on through your name. Also sons and fathers share more genetic material than dads and daughters because the X chromosome is passed on as a unit which could be a basis for an instinctive preference for sons.

[From Does every dad secretly want a boy? Why a primal desire still matters - mirror.co.uk]

Just a year after the death of his daughter, Mike Tyson to be dad again.

It has been just 15-months since the tragic accident that killed his four-year-old daughter, Exodus.

But Mike Tyson has some happy news to share – his third wife, Lakiha Spicer, is five months pregnant.

The 44-year old boxing champ and his wife married at the Bella Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, just ten days after his daughter had been found hanging from a treadmill cord in the couples Phoenix home in May 2009.

[From Mike Tyson to be a dad for the eighth time a year after daughter’s death]

Giacaomo Knox is launching a new web show and trying to sell the pilot for A Week With My Father, a new show that explores reunions between dads and sons. It’s an interesting idea, and underscores the importance of the father/child bond.

The first episode features Knox reuniting with his father after 33 years apart. The next episode, already in the Development stage, will reunite a former NBA great who came back from a stroke, and his father.

Check it out in this excerpt and the whole show at: aweekwithmyfather.com.

My Parents are Divorced, My Elbows have Nicknames, and Other Facts about Me is a new book by Bill Cochran that helps kids understand that living in a divorced situation might not be as weird as all the other idiosyncrasies a kid might have.

This book, written for kids 4-8, is well-done with good and real examples of the complexity of living in two houses, and the frustrations of not having mom and dad literally on the same end of the soccer field. It even treats the stepmom issue with grace (taking the side of the stepmother, of course).

Not to be overly politically correct, I was disappointed that the parents got stuck in stereotyped roles. Dad can’t cook, mom can’t do math, and mom is better at putting bandaids on. I think I’m pretty good at all three of those tasks. I know it’s hard not to step on a landmine when dealing with these subjects, but I would have liked to see one example that went against 2oth century notions of sex roles.

This might be good book, especially for younger readers, if you’re trying to communicate the “non-weirdness” of being in a divorced famil.

Someone may have recommended this book to you, or you may even get it for Fathers Day:
Reading with Dad.

A Great Father’s Day Gift for a Dad Who Reads to His Kids

Tuesday June 9, 2009
If you are looking for a Father’s Day gift for a dad who has always enjoyed reading books to his kids, I highly recommend Reading With Dad. While written in verse and designed in picture book format, this is a gift book for adults rather than a children’s book. The text by Richard Jorgensen and the loving illustrations by Warren Hanson celebrate the love between a father and a daughter that is experienced through the act of reading together. Beginning with the father reading to his young daughter, the book continues through her growing up years to the daughter reading aloud to her own children while still continuing to read with her dad. The book ends with her reminiscing,

[From A Great Father's Day Gift for a Dad Who Reads to His Kids]

Here’s my review of it:

My daughter got Reading with Dad and as the dad who had to read it to her, I’d have to say that I disagree with this review. The book is written in sing-songy verse and ends with dad dying and the reading of a biblical verse. If you want to spend 15 minutes thinking of how it will feel to watch your child grow up while you get old and die (while reading bad poetry), be my guest. Most of us prefer something more uplifting.