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My top 10 Fears of a Father – What are yours?
My friend Donny Claxton over at DaddyClaxton.com is working on project to understand the major fears of dads. Without giving it a lot of analysis, I wrote down my top ten. What are yours?
1 that there will be an accident that I could not have prevented
2 that there will be an accident that I could have prevented
3 puberty
4 life without them in the house
5 major life challenges for them I can not solve for them (failure to get into a good school, get a job, etc)
6 unexpected illness
7 serious romantic relationships I think are wrong for them
8 late nights out with the car
9 teen years rejection of parents
10 the day they no longer hold my hand when crossing the street.
And that’s without the money fears. Strangely, terrorist attack wasn’t anywhere on the list.
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8 ways moms can involve dad with a new baby
Moms often ask me how they can get dad more involved. Here are a few tips that might not be obvious to the new mom.
1. Appeal to his gadget side: Babies are an excuse to buy lots of gadgets, like cameras, videocams, and baby monitors. This is the only time in life that a man’s wife will tell him to go to the store and buy a bunch of electronic stuff…for the good of the family.
2. Explain the importance of the first two years of development: Babies need lots of love and physical attention to aid in their development. The best thing a dad can do is interact with a baby to maximize development, especially during the crucial first two years. This is a responsibility of being a great dad along with changing diapers and mixing formula.
3. Tell him how sexy he looks when pushing a stroller. New dads are sexy. Mom certainly doesnt want to lose a new dad to women on the street who think he looks hot wearing that Baby Bjorn, but what guy doesn’t like getting extra attention, even if it’s because he has a baby strapped to his belly. Also, everyone on the street knows what new dad stud did to get that baby. Babies are like bright red sports cars – they do get noticed.
4. Get him to live in the moment: Babies are only babies once, and every day they change. You don’t want to have missed crucial parts of their development that can never be repeated.
5. Alleviate his guilt for not feeling the way mom does. Dads shouldn’t feel guilty that they don’t feel the same emotional bond that moms do during the first few years. This all changes when the baby starts to walk and talk. Some dads need to know this is okay.
6. Give him a break. Let him know that he’s doing a lot, even if you are conflicted about how much more he could do. Dads like to feel appreciated and many have a secret worry, often very realistic, that they will never be your top concern again.
7. Praise all of his efforts to do the stuff that comes naturally to you. Tell him he so naturally holds the baby. Let him be the first to change a diaper so he can say that over and over again. Let him be an expert on bottle washing and formula prep. The more you do and say to make dad feel that he has a natural role, the more he’ll do. The more you laugh at his ineptness or confusion, the more you’ll push him away from helping you.
8. Get counseling – a new baby is one of the most stressful events on a marriage, perhaps more so because it is thought of as the most binding. If you sense stresses on your marriage, get help earlier than later. Open communication is one of the most important things you can do to keep dad involved.
Dads don’t always think like moms, and moms and dads parent in different ways. Make sure to trust and treasure the different roles of both parents in your new family.
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7 Ways Dads Can Raise Smart Kids
The best thing any dad can do is be loving and supporting, but there are a few boxes you can check if you’re serious about giving your kids the best opportunity to reach their full brainy potential.
1. Feed them right. Make sure kids get a healthy breakfast, and go from there. Recent studies also recommend added doses of Omega-3s for developing brains.
2. Teach them a language. Second language development actually changes the neural pathways in the brain. At the very least, a second language teaches kids to see things from other points of view, and gives them a special lens on other cultures.
3. Play music. Music is like another language, but is also related to mathematics in its structure.
4. Read with them and in front of them. Readers are thinkers and doers. Make sure to set the example.
5. Travel. The more kids see of other places, the more curious they will be.
6. Get art. Art teaches independent thinking.
7. Understand your child’s learning style. Kids do learn in different ways. If you let a teacher define your child because he or she fails under only one style, you’re giving up on your child.
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Shed another tear for Conan O’Brien
It’s such a tragic tale. 2010: a year of continued misery with more people out of work and even more without insurance or health care. A working man is told by his employer that his new work hours will be 30 minutes later each day. The number of workday hours will remain unchanged as will everything about his pay and benefits. The worker, feeling the injustice of it all, that he alone has to suffer the indignities of a later start time, quits his job and demands compensation. His employer, fearful of God-only-knows-what, acquiesces, giving him a severance package of $40,000,000. Yes, 40 MILLION DOLLARS.
Why anyone is on “Conan’s side” in this issue is a mystery. Why does every star in America think celebrity is an entitlement. We’ve created a world where people think if you make it on American Idol, you’re golden for the rest of your life. America was built on a dream that if you work hard, you’ll get a chance to work hard again tomorrow. Now we think sports stars and celebrities are somehow unique in their abilities. This translates into a belief that everyone is entitled to a payday for showing up. This fantasy is dangerous in the times we live in because a global marketplace will not allow us to indulge in a delusion that we are the only ones who can do any job. When a new Chinese or Indian host steals Conan’s new job, whatever it is, away from him, we may see that no one is irreplaceable. Not on the assembly line, not in the NFL and not on NBC.
Workers need to wise up to two facts. There is no lifetime employment and no one should expect to get the job just because it’s their turn (didn’t Bob Dole learn this the hard way in 1996?). And they need to mobilize as a group to ensure better compensation and board representation so that they are more fairly compensated now, rather than waiting for a gold watch after 30 years of service.
I like the logic in this article that Conan is just one step above the Wall Streeters whose big bailout bonuses are the source of so much populist anger:
Conan O’Brien is expected to receive some $40 million for leaving NBC, the media unit of General Electric (GE), itself among the largest recipients of taxpayer help. While it would be a stretch to compare the late-night talk show host to a Goldman Sachs (GS) or Citigroup (C) banker, he’s arguably only a few steps removed.
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But without the FDIC’s largesse, the group’s troubled financial arm, GE Capital, would have struggled to fund its $650 billion balance sheet. That, in turn, could have forced its parent to liquidate assets, starting with NBC. In a truly worst-case scenario, GE might have even had to seek protection from its creditors.
Had GE been forced to dump NBC in a fire-sale, new owners could have demanded changes to contracts like Mr. O’Brien’s. True, that’s not the same as, say, a Citi banker fighting for a bonus after the government clearly bailed out the bank. But it’s only a few steps removed. So a bit of thanks to taxpayers from Mr. O’Brien may be in order.
[From Conan O’Brien: A $40 Million Bailout Recipient? -- Seeking Alpha]
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Join the crusade to turn off the TV for kids 2-5
Nielsen reported last week that children ages 2 to 5 spent nearly 25 hours a week watching television, the highest figure on record. They spent an additional seven weekly hours watching DVDs, playing video games, and watching TiVo-style time-shifted television.
[From Drilling Down - Children Ages 2 to 5 Watch More TV Than Ever - NYTimes.com]
We all know TV can’t be good for little kids. We all read the same reports and know if makes a bad baby sitter. We also depend on it periodically to keep the kids busy for a few minutes while we do a few emails or finish making dinner.
But we know it doesn’t have to be on all the time. Let’s all resolve to leave it off except when we really need it. We can wean the kids off it, pointing them to their pile of unused toys, and maybe getting down on the floor with them to reaquaint them with Legos, Barbies, and train tracks.
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