Melisa Holmes at Girlology.com and I were chatting over email the other day and she had plenty of wise words for parents of girls. Since we have a lot of gay dad friends, and not nearly enough gay dad content on GreatDad.com, I’m always interested in what experts say about gay dad fathering, as new an area of study as it is.

Her advice to gay Dads: Keep being a great parent—open, honest conversations and active listening are the best.  Don’t hesitate to jump on in, but not to feel bad if your daughter says you don’t understand. Most gay dads I know ( we have a lot of gay friends and know a few gay dads) have women in their lives that help their daughters with things that the daughter feels like a woman should help with (i.e. 1^st bra buying is a big one…helping learn how to use tampons….). Gay or straight, moms or dads – all girls and boys need an adult they can go to with those “awkward” questions.  Sometimes its an adult entirely outside of their family structure.

This is what I hear said quite a bit. Michael Gurian (Nature the Nurture and other books) once told me that he finds that gay families consciously or unconsciously integrate role models of the opposite sex. One benefit of this is that their kids have someone else to talk when they need a gender-specific point of view.

Gay parenting, as we now start to see, isn’t that much different than straight parenting, once you brush away the societal prejudices. It starts with diaper changings, feedings, and unquestioning love and attention, and evolves, like straight parenting to a real relationship that requires emotional support, honesty, and empathy.

The best thing any dad can do is be loving and supporting, but there are a few boxes you can check if you’re serious about giving your kids the best opportunity to reach their full brainy potential.

1. Feed them right. Make sure kids get a healthy breakfast, and go from there. Recent studies also recommend added doses of Omega-3s for developing brains.

2. Teach them a language. Second language development actually changes the neural pathways in the brain. At the very least, a second language teaches kids to see things from other points of view, and gives them a special lens on other cultures.

3. Play music. Music is like another language, but is also related to mathematics in its structure.

4. Read with them and in front of them. Readers are thinkers and doers. Make sure to set the example.

5. Travel. The more kids see of other places, the more curious they will be.

6. Get art. Art teaches independent thinking.

7. Understand your child’s learning style. Kids do learn in different ways. If you let a teacher define your child because he or she fails under only one style, you’re giving up on your child.

My Parents are Divorced, My Elbows have Nicknames, and Other Facts about Me is a new book by Bill Cochran that helps kids understand that living in a divorced situation might not be as weird as all the other idiosyncrasies a kid might have.

This book, written for kids 4-8, is well-done with good and real examples of the complexity of living in two houses, and the frustrations of not having mom and dad literally on the same end of the soccer field. It even treats the stepmom issue with grace (taking the side of the stepmother, of course).

Not to be overly politically correct, I was disappointed that the parents got stuck in stereotyped roles. Dad can’t cook, mom can’t do math, and mom is better at putting bandaids on. I think I’m pretty good at all three of those tasks. I know it’s hard not to step on a landmine when dealing with these subjects, but I would have liked to see one example that went against 2oth century notions of sex roles.

This might be good book, especially for younger readers, if you’re trying to communicate the “non-weirdness” of being in a divorced famil.