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The SAHD (stay-at-home dad) counterpart - MAWDAHS

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RebelDad makes an impassioned argument for elevating the way we describe stay at home dads who look after kids:

So yesterday I was given another reminder that one of these days I should really start a blogroll for MAWDAHs... moms who go to work and are married to stay at home dads. Asha over at ParentHacks.com flagged this post by Mom 101 about her husband. It is a wonderful denunciation of the strange and irritating trend toward referring to male caregivers by female terms ("The Mommy," "Mr. Mom," etc.)

I was asked recently what the problem with Mr. Mom is, and Mom 101 nails a good chunk of it. Here's my take on why it's a problem:

  • It is unfair to women to "mom"ify the job. Calling a guy "Mr. Mom," implies mom *should* be the one behind the stroller. That ought to be pretty offensive nowadays.
  • It emphasizes the novelty of at-home fatherhood. A dad at the playground shouldn't be treated with any more surprise that a female surgeon in the operating room. Why should "Hey that kid's caretaker is a *man*!" be any less offensive than "Hey that doctor/lawyer/exec is a *woman*!"?
  • It glosses over the different skills that mothers and fathers bring to the table. Kyle Pruett at Yale has made a career of noting that men and women generally parent differently, and that kids are best served by both styles of play. Suggesting that a dad is "mothering" shortchanges dads by ignoring the unique advantages of what Pruett calls "Fatherneed." (And it shortchanges moms by suggesting that dads can provide traits that are generally unique to moms.)
  • It reminds everyone of Jack Butler, Michael Keaton's character in Mr. Mom. I know that the movie comes to a sweet end, where Jack becomes a good dad, etc. etc. But it is remembered in the collective unconscious as a movie about a do-nothing father who can't iron and who drinks beer in the morning. I could do without those images being attached to dads taking care of their kids.
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Comments
By Jay,   From Cohoes
Aude aliquid dignum. {Dare something worthy.}


By karl,   From davenport IA
I'm been trying to get back into the workforce after 17 yrs. of being a Muti-integrated Resource Manager of Organized Mayhem (MRMOM) for short. I was and still am a Director of Ambiguous Diversification, don't know what it means, but that's the point.

By Erich,   From Los Angeles
As a SAHD who is married to a career woman, I have gone through the whole Mr. Mom thing with my wife. It was hard to get her to understand that I am going to do things diffreently than she did when she was at home. After 3 years she has finally given up and is letting me do everything. We are happier and she doesn't have anything to do when she gets home except be with the kids. That transition from me being the bread winner to here being the bread winner was a difficult one but we got through it and our kids are the happier for it.

Thanks for reading...and Happy Fatherhood!


E

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By Irwin,   From Sacramento
Sorry to hear that, B.

There are lots of options availabe online so that you can stay with your kid and do a job by working from the internet. If that doesn't work for you, you could try some other options like a part-time job, which will keep getting the money in.

You could learn so much from the internet that you can mention in your resume. I don't know much clerical jobs, but there may be some software or some technology or technique that can be learned on the net. It requires dedication. Nobody is ever too old to learn a new skill.

P.S. Nobody really has special skills. We all project that we do.

By B,   From Modesto
I have a 10 month and a 2 1/2 year old. Both of my children have special needs. I am not done with a degree and have a ways to go. I have not been able to find a permanent job. Even before the children were born. (I am trying to work at night, virtual assistant job, or weekends.) My wife and I tried daycare and that was a disaster. I will not be able to go back to work until our children go to school. I am 41 years old. I don't have any special skills other than clerical. Which getting jobs in the clerical field and being male is difficult and getting harder as I get older. Does anyone have any suggestions for someone in my situation? Is there any hope of finding work after my children go to school? Signed, the unemployed for 10 years, stay at home dad who will be about 47 years old when I can start looking for a job outside the home.
P.S. I don't have any special skills.

By Jamie,   From Santa Rosa
I've been the working wife of a stay-at-home dad ever since our daughter (now 9) was born. We also have son who is 4.
Through trial and error, we’ve discovered what works, what doesn’t, and when to call it a night and order in a pizza. We’ve had good times, bad times and in-between times, and we work hard to dispel those pesky SAHD myths and build a rewarding life for our children.
There is just SO MUCH incredible-ness to talk about when you’re smack in the middle of a SAHD family. I even had to start my own Web site (www.ParenTeam.com) just so I could organize all of the “stuff” swirling around in my head from almost a decade of living this most unique lifestyle. I"m also going to be blogging on WorkingMother's Web site soon, too.
The fact is that us working wives of SAHDs face our own unique challenges, just like our stay-at-home husbands do. In our world, labels don't count, Traditional role-playing and gender stuff and all of that gets thrown out the window. The only thing that matters, at least to me, is giving my children the best childhood possible.

 
   
 
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