Top 5 gifts that will ruin Christmas

Alex Bellamy

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You ruined the Fourth of July when your fireworks killed the neighbor's dog, you caused a scene at Thanksgiving when you shared a little bit too much about your college years at the dinner table, but Christmas is here and now is your time to shine. It's time to get it right.

Dads who are tired of being relegated to the couch (and hope to get 2011 off to a good start) should be sure to steer clear of the following gifts:

1. Breast Implants. You just want her to feel good about herself, right? Wrong. This thoughtless present comes off as selfish. Or even worse, a present better enjoyed by her next husband.

2. Treadmill. While she may have said she wants to get in shape during the New Year, that doesn't mean you should encourage her to go. Or purchase exercise equipment. Or a gym membership. Repeat after us "Honey, you look perfect already." If you don't heed our warning, this will come back to haunt you in the form of arguments of Christmas future.

3. Lethal Weapon Boxed Set. They're four of the best movies ever made - every dad knows this. Unfortunately, not all women will agree, it's one of the defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

4. Season tickets to foxy boxing. It's the gift that says, "I want to include you in my hobby, which is watching hot girls beat each other up." It's also the gift that says go stay at your friends house.

5. A bowling ball. As feminine as a bowling ball may seem, chances are most women will "accidentally" drop it on your foot. You're better off just sticking with jewelry and calling it a day.

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