Returning User? Login Here | Bookmark this site | Contests | Sitemap
dad dads
Toilet training
How to
Baby names
Pregnancy Calculator
Mother's Day
Tell a Friend
Subscribe via RSS
Enter your email

   RSS Feed
 XML Sitemap
Add to My Yahoo!
Add to Google









Did You Know? - Dads as parents

Rate This Article:

By GreatDad Writers   Print
Subscribe to Newsletters

A father tends to:

  • Bond with children in short bursts of connection, both physical and emotional ("short-touch" bonding, rough-and-tumble play).
  • Focus on teaching children order, pattern thinking, and ritualized action, (Dads will tend to care less about the minutia of the child’s needs, but care more about larger structures and tools the child might need for future survival.)
  • Downplay emotion, even at the risk of hurt feelings, in order to "up-play" performance. (Males are chemically and neurally directed toward immediate rewards from performance, and they prod children in this direction.)
  • Promote risk taking and independence in the growing child. (Many moms promote independence, but in general, dads push children toward separation from caregivers and encourage them to "grow up!" faster than moms do.)
  • Expect and enforce discipline and provide contests and tests of skill. (Dads tend to be more competitive than moms, especially in their assertion to children that being able to compete in tests of skill against others is the key to future success.)
  • Teach the child to fight against personal and group vulnerability. (With less of the male brain's blood flow devoted to emotional processing than the female, fathers tend to deny any emotional vulnerability or try to problem-solve quickly to avoid such vulnerability.)
  • Guide the child to sacrifice his or her own thinking in deference to "authority thinking" until the child has proven his or her own core nature to be mature enough to become authoritative. Although there are certainly exceptions to this, fathers tend to employ more authoritarian parenting styles than mothers and retain that authority well into the child’s adulthood, waiting for the child to prove himself (this generally applies more to sons) worthy of being respected as an adult.
  • Direct the child’s search for self-worth toward the larger society (that is, encouraging less introspection and more immediate action).
  • Try to help the child feel stronger in the long term even if the child does not feel better in the moment. Fathers tend to care less than mothers about whether a child "feels good." Fathers tend to want obvious shows of strength from children. This is especially true in their attitude toward sons.
                                                                              - By Michael Gurian

Excerpted with permission of the publisher John Wiley & Sons, Inc. from NURTURE THE NATURE. Copyright (c) 2007 by Michael Gurian. This book is available at all bookstores, online booksellers and from the Wiley website at, or call 1-800-225-5945.

Michael Gurian is a social philosopher, family therapist, corporate consultant, and the New York Times bestselling author of more than twenty books. A parenting and family expert, he is co-founder of The Gurian Institute, a training organization that provides schools, homes, workplaces and community agencies with crucial understanding of how boys and girls learn differently, and how women and men work and lead differently. Blending brain-based theory with practical application and cultural relevance, the Institute conducts research internationally, launches pilot and training programs, and trains professionals.

His groundbreaking books on child development and education that have sparked national debate include The Wonder of Boys, Boys and Girls Learn Differently!, The Wonder of Girls, and The Minds of Boys. He has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, workplaces, schools and public policy. A sought-after speaker and consultant, he lives with his wife and two daughters in Spokane, Washington.

Read another excerpt from Nurture the Nature:
You can also catch Michael on an interview with GreatDad.
Subscribe to the pregnancy newsletter or 4-8 year olds newsletter.
Login with Facebook
Post a Comment
First Name:  
Email Address:
Total Words:
(400 words*)

Enter the characters you see in the image. They are case sensitive.

Article List
What is Cognitive Behavior Therapy for kids
How to stop your child from whining
Coping With A Child’s Temper Tantrums
Basic Etiquette for Little Kids 3-5 (And Beyond!)
Teaching Manners to Little Kids
The Self-Esteem Trap
Bullies and schools in the New York Times
Parents as Role Models
Chores for Money Part II
Chores for Money
Chores 4-8 Year Olds Can Do
Did You Know? - Dads as parents
Gender roles and the importance of fathers

1 2 3 NEXT
Tell a Friend
Subscribe to Newsletters
Forum Topics

Posts: 0  Views: 20

Posts: 0  Views: 10

Posts: 0  Views: 2

Test, just a test
Posts: 0  Views: 3

Posts: 0  Views: 4

Most Popular Articles
When is a child ready to be potty-trained?
Nine reasons to delay toilet training
21 Potty Training Tips
How to potty train your child in one day
Top tips to prepare your child for toilet training (even though it may be months away)
Eight Tips on Buying a Potty Chair
The NAKED CHILD APPROACH to toilet training
See more articles...