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Top 10 Dad Tips for Getting Laid

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Steve Johnston   Print
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Parents in Love : Reclaiming Intimacy After Your Child Is Born

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So, the baby is now a few months old, or worse, the children are a few years old, and you’re still not getting the same sex you had B.C. (before children)? Well pal, you’re not alone, though I bet no one quite mentioned that when they were all nagging at you to have kids. No one ever mentions this part.

Well, now you’re going to have to resort to some planning and artful execution. Remember back in college or when you were just starting out, on Saturday night how you needed a carefully thought out plan to finish the evening’s love story with a happy ending?  And you thought all that was behind you the night you proposed. Well Charley, you don’t know the half of it. Not only will getting a little nookie be challenging, you’ve made a commitment to stay with the same gal (and the mom of your children) ‘till death do us part.’ So, here are a few GreatDad tips for maybe getting some. I’m sorry but there are no guarantees on this one.
  1. Break out the flowers and champagne. This one is a little too transparent to work more than once a month, but always worth a try.

  2. Be a great dad. Actually, moms are turned on by strong men who can show they can take care of little kids. After putting the little one down for a nap, you might get one of your own.

  3. Plan your getaway. Yeah, it’s trite, but organizing a weekend away, including a relative to watch the kids, does wonders for a girl’s libido. You might even pack some toys.

  4. Watch some smut. Casually leave a Cinemax-style soft core playing around bed time. You might be surprised that it gets her in the mood. Just don’t play anything too graphic. (Read about some X-Rated movies that you can watch with your wife.)

  5. Do the laundry and the dishes and make dinner. Women hate that stuff hanging over their heads. If she’s just getting home from work and it’s all done for once, she may have room in her brain for other things.

  6. Throw out the bedroom TV. A study last year in Italy showed that couples who gave up TV in bed, doubled their sex per week. 

  7. Don't expect much quickie sex. Unfortunately, it's less about animal lust these days.

  8. Stay in shape, shower up and be stay attractive to her. What's good for the goose...

  9. Don't push it. Don't whine about not getting any sex, or insist when she's not into it. That only will lead to bad feelings all around. You're going to have to be more artful here.

  10. Suggest baby #2 or #3. Nothing motivates a woman more than when she's trying to have a baby, as you will recall from baby #1. This is not recommended unless  you are really ready for the next one.
Let us know what works for you.

Have a great sex life even after you've had kids. Click here now & buy your copy of the eBook for just $9.95. Enjoy your sex life again!


 
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Comments
By Cass,   From Jacksonville FL
As a wife, If you are having a hard time getting your wife in the mood post baby putting on porn is the last thing you want to do!!!!! You're body is so different then it ever was before baby that watching some GIRL who has never had a child and has a bunch of plastic surgery is only going to make your wife feel worse! Then she is going to be wondering if you are turned on by her or the GIRL on the screen! This will only make her feel worse about herself and get you less loving!

By Byron,   From Boston
Lots of angry women responding. The more I take care of the baby, the more she rests. The more she's rested, the better she feels, etc.
Do the math.
Doesn't mean you can't go get cocked with your boys now and then.

By Amanda,   From Coconut Creek
Sorry but this isn't right. Do you know why most of your wives won't have sex with you after the baby? I'm a stay at home mom. Easy right? Wrong. Most men think we have it easy when we are home taking care of the kids. I clean and cook and take care of a screaming colicky baby from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed then I'm being woken up 3 or more times a night from the baby. And my husband had the nerve to tell me I don't love him anymore because we never get intimate anymore. He goes to work 7am-2:30pm then comes home and eats and plays video games makes more messes that I have to clean up doesn't help with the baby nothing. He then will invite his friends over to hang out. Guess who makes the snacks and cleans up the mess AND deals with the baby. You guessed it ME. And besides sometimes there are postpartum issues that make the woman lose her sex drive. No amount of flowers champagne or seducing will work. You really wanna know how to make her happy and possibly get laid if you're nice? Help out. Don't be selfish. And let her relax for awhile when you get home. You may have had a hard day at work but it was just as hard if not harder for her at home. Remember that put that into consideration and use it. I got on here looking for advice for my husband and laughed when I saw the title of this artical then pissed when I saw most of the comments. Sex isn't everything. It's important yes. But try giving her a massage giving her a break. She'll be more inclined to wanting you. And stop whining if you don't get sex. That's annoying and makes a woman just that more uninterested. Get it through those thick man skulls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By mbabani,   From kampala
sex down here in my culture is AMUST for married couple. in fact it something that units you right. i can't imagin going for 3month when you married with out sex hahaha, then it seazs to be marriege to some thing defferent, i believe sex should't be even conditional my be to spice up! but hope should be something watering freely in lovers.WISH YOU A HOT NIGHT FIXTURE! julius from uganda

By Kara,   From Fay
In a marriage, kids or not, SEX is the glue that holds it together. God MADE SEX!! He is not a prude and doesn't want us to be either but porn is DEFINITELY not something that is going to enrich your relationship. SEX TOGETHER will. He also intended sex to be within the confines of MARRIAGE. We are not to deny ourselves to our spouses; we are to love each other with mind, heart, AND BODY!!! Yes, taking care of kids is an important job. It must be done. But taking care of your spouse might be even MORE important.....that child needs BOTH parents. In our society, divorce is too simple of an answer. People bail and treat each other poorly all the time. This is not what God intended for us...just something to think about...

By GB,   From Portland
No. 1 flowers and champagne.. really. Coming from a woman that should not be number one, or better yet off the list. I understand not having a great sex life or one at all, but really you shouldn't have to trick your wife into having sex. Try and see her side, she is probably missing it also.

Here are some suggestions:

When your wife has been up all night with the baby and finally falls asleep at 5:30am, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT wake her up at 6:00 am to ask her where your boxers are...If she has to baby you through the day she is less likely going to want to baby you at night.

Hygiene - I will just leave it at that.

Don't be a jerk to her all day and then expect sex.

When your wife asks you please wake her up early before baby wakes so she can take a shower, let her, and don't take a 30 min shower first so there is not hot water. These small things add up.

I wouldn't suggest a second baby unless you really want another and want to forgo ever having sex.

Don't be condescending.

Try to imagine having to be at the office from 6:30 am to about 10 pm at night every day(7 days, we don't get weekends off) and on call through-out the night having a small 1 to 2 hour break. Realize this and you might get laid. Figure out how to give her a break without making her feel guilty. And a break consists of her alone no kids no hubby, and a clean house when she gets home.

If she is exhausted and able to get to sleep, do not come to bed at 2 in the morning and expect anything.

I would also say no to the porn thing, honestly it is a little depressing when you watch a girl getting pleasured by a hot guy only to know that the sex with your husband will be much less exciting, and much shorter.

I sound angry, but I am not. I am just being honest. It is simple, respect your wife and love her. Don't make her take care of you as you were the baby.

BTW she does a lot more than just Laundry,dishes and cooking that is the easy stuff.

By j,   From stockton
sex with my husand is great! What woman doesn't want to feel amazing and sexy? The misunderstanding, selfish ones who think marriage is only about how THEY feel and not their husbands. Read Dr. Laura's book "proper care and feeding of husbands" to learn more. I love my husband, love that he loves me and love that he tries to make our lovemaking all about me-makes me want to give him more.

By Jon,   From Boston
I think that the kinds of guys looking for a site like greatdad are already doing the things that Sean mentioned. While I agree that it is very difficult and an inhuman amount of patience is necessary in this area, not all hope is lost. Sharon's comments got me thinking, and it makes a lot more sense when I think about it from the perspective of "boys and girls hear different things about sex as they are growing up.

For now, just take what you can get. Be nice, patient, loving, and try to surprise her every now and then. That's my plan, and I hope it works!

By joe,   From Santa Barbara
I'm with Sean and JackR.

Our son is now 1 year and a month and we've only had sex 1x since before he was born. it was quickie shower sex thanks to her friends visiting who watched our son and encouraged us to take time for a shower together.

It is very frustrating and mostly i just want to be understood by her that it's very hard (no pun intended). I don't know if women realize that sexual release is necessary for a man.

I miss the spiritual connectedness we experienced by making love and i worry that we're locking into a long-term pattern where our intimacy is compromised.

Now it often feels like our relationship has become all about taking care of our beautiful great amazing son.

I miss my woman and my sexual frustration drives me crazy. There's so many factors involved though and my wife just doesn't seem to have energy for anything other than trying to make it through the day. Perhaps with more rest she'll feel like making love again. Until then, i seriously wish she'd buy me a Fleshlight!

By joe,   From Santa Barbara
I'm with Sean and JackR.

Our son is now 1 year and a month and we've only had sex 1x since before he was born. it was quickie shower sex thanks to her friends visiting who watched our son and encouraged us to take time for a shower together.

It is very frustrating and mostly i just want to be understood by her that it's very hard (no pun intended). I don't know if women realize that sexual release is necessary for a man.

I miss the spiritual connectedness we experienced by making love and i worry that we're locking into a long-term pattern where our intimacy is compromised.

Now it often feels like our relationship has become all about taking care of our beautiful great amazing son.

I miss my woman and my sexual frustration drives me crazy. There's so many factors involved though and my wife just doesn't seem to have energy for anything other than trying to make it through the day. Perhaps with more rest she'll feel like making love again. Until then, i seriously wish she'd buy me a Fleshlight!

By Kimberly,   From Dallas
I happened upon this site through a twitter about sex. I'm passionate about keeping up with what people are feeling & thinking about sex in our culture, as I believe it has been kept in the shadows for far too long.

I'm soon to release a novel called Heaven, about the nature of God as seen through the eyes of Eve - an exotic dancer. It's a highly sexual & spiritual work. I did a lot of research on people's feelings about sex & God & found much repression & negativity. Many people feel like they can't be both - sexual & spiritual - but that's what we are as humans. We need both elements to be whole. Sex is an amazing gift that we have to give to each other & to experience. To think of it as another thing on a long list that "has to be done" is like selling your own self into slavery. Pleasure is essential for joyful living. Joy is the essence of spirit.

The guys here who mentioned getting a mistress are missing the potential for the hottest sex of their lives with the one they really love AND sowing seeds of destruction like they can't even imagine down the road for many people. It's unimaginative & is only a split-second fix.

However, the women who see sex as an obligation are doing the very same thing!

I believe the first step is talking about sex openly - with each other & in forums like this one. Real love desires see the beloved in a state of pleasure. It is life-giving & life-healing.

HeavenTheNovel
KimberlyCainBlog -God+Sex=Making Love!

By Justus,   From Daytona
I love my Friend. See i been with my Friend(Wife) for quite awhile. And i found threw out, not just this relationship, but others. That sex, isnt product on delivery. Somthing that isnt timed or scheduled. It`s based off an emotion. Love, Want. So maybe we shouldnt just focus on the things we do for her. Or maybe not focus on "The shit she just wont do". Like she wont let me fuck. We need to focus on that RAW emotion. Keep her interested. And ALWAYS keep the idea she is your friend FIRST. Wife second. That where you start the relationship. and most guys forget it.

By Sharon,   From Portland
I don't know all the answers to this but I know a few things:
1. Women are as frustrated about losing libido as men are about them losing it.
2. Even if our bodies feel ready, it takes a lot to make our minds relax when you, kids, job, parents, house, school, church and God knows what else are floating around up there.
3. Unfortunately, we are raised to think very differently about sex than you are.

I can't think of a place in the world, even France, where most women are raised to think sex is wonderful. We are all to some degree (!)taught that sex is bad, from our moms and other women in our lives and, guess what, from our dads as well. You know how you're already thinking you're gonna hang the first guy who comes sniffing around your daughter? Or how you're worried about her getting pregnant and "ruining her life"? How you leave any discussion of sex up to her mom and those other women who sit around degrading men however unintentionally? As adults we think that's all kinda funny the way we talk about the opposite sex. But our kids hear it. We worry what they hear in the media, but we don't worry near enough about what they hear at home. "Boys will be boys and girls need to protect themselves".

Women learn to be afraid of men's sex drive. Boys never learn how hormones affect our sex drive, only that our cycles are a pain to them. We never learn how we can manage each other's "issues" to maintain a healthy sexual life and interest. We're all supposed to just stumble through and work it out without enough information. It just doesn't make sense and it certainly isn't working very well.

Talk to your girls about sex. Talk to your girls about men. Please! Make yourself available for their questions. Do it in a way that will make it OK for her to be interested in sex when she's older. Make sure your older kids know relationships take a lot of work and help them understand what that work is all about. Talk to them about sex like to talk to them about driving...it takes time, it takes care, there are rules to follow, you gotta pay attention, you gotta treat your car just so.

By Dennis,   From Pearland
Careful guys! Even if your sex life was good B.C., First hand experience tells me that the advice given in this article doesn't always work. Even when my X and I were again having sex regularly, it fealt more like sex out of a sense of obligation. that can very emotionally damaging to both partners and in my case, it destroyed an otherwise happy marriage. Seek counseling communicate honestly. DON'T CHEAT. That's ridiculous. Don't operate our of spite. I don't agree that "negotiating" for sex is a workable solution. Just try to focus on all the other benefits of a happy marriage. Divorce is a terrible alternative.

By Sean,   From Healdsburg
Nothing new here, huh? Just us guys wondering why we always want it and she always has a reason why not. I love, nurture, comfort, cook, clean, work, build, fix, and the most I can hope for is perfunctory "do your dirty little thing baby if it'll make you feel better" sex. Some guys might not mind a little cold get-it-done up and down but what if you really love your wife and nothing in any forum about slow, day long seductions, or "do more chores" seems to elicit anything more romantic than a "thanks dear"? Is it really just a Mars and Venus misunderstanding that has perplexed us for thousands of years? Or is it the beginning of the end?
I actually heard my wife's sister refer to sex recently as "just one more thing I gotta do before I can go to sleep". Holy shit do I feel doomed.
I think it's time to move to France.
Can anyone out there tell me that this really is just a temporary thing (our daughter is 4 months and we haven't really "made love" since she was 6 months pregnant) or is this how it is from now on? Honesty please.

By JackR,   From Des Moines
Billie,
I think you should take those comments as just an indicator of the frustration men feel for a long period after the baby is born and the sex life wanes or disappears. Hopefully, none of us stray, but men do think about sex a lot, and we're always working to avoid temptation.

By Billie,   From Columbus
Just found this website and thought I recommend it to my husband...not now. I certainly don't want anyone suggesting a "mistress" even kidding. I can't think of a single woman who would find that mildly amusing. Shame on Drew and James!

By drew,   From dallas
two words: hot mistress :)

By James,   From Philadelphia
11. One word: Mistress ;)

 
 
 
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