|What You Did
|Left your clothes on the ground
||Flowers: A small arrangement with at least three red roses.
||“I’m sorry babe – when will I learn!”
|“Lost” your wallet, keys, watch, etc. somewhere in the house (in plain view but she had to find it.)
||Flowers: A small arrangement with lilies should do the trick.
||“I’m sorry about that hon – I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on tight!”
|Left your expensive phone in the pocket of your pants. She washed it but it’s still your fault.
||You pay for a new phone – and don’t ever mention it again.
||“I’m sorry that you washed my phone - I will NEVER leave my phone in my pants again!”
|Broke item that once belonged to a dead, obscure relative of hers.
||Night out with the girls: Tell her you’re staying at home with kids Friday night (DO NOT use the term “babysit”.)
||“Dang that was stupid of me. I really miss your Great-Great-Aunt / Cousin / Grandma too…”
|Broke item that once belonged to a dead, obscure relative of hers then lied about it, then told the truth after she found it in the garbage.
||Jewelry: You can probably get away with some funky silver jewelry here.
||“I don’t know why I did that – I guess I just love you so much I couldn’t bear to see you in pain.”
|Gave her your “honest opinion” about something she was wearing.
||Romantic dinner made by you including fancy dessert.
||“I’m sorry hon - I think you look better naked…”
|Get caught not listening.
||Top to bottom house cleaning while she’s out shopping at your encouragement, with your cash.
||“I’m really sorry honey – I know what you were saying is really important to you and therefore it’s important to me.”
|Went to strip club.
||Hotel room, dinner and flowers (not to be booked for at least one week after offense.)
||“I’m sorry honey – I just had to go with (insert name here) because he’s been having a rough time lately. You know I think those girls are nasty.”
|Looked at another woman while with your wife.
||The whole package: Hotel room, babysitter, diamonds and bouquet of roses or her favorite flowers (not to be booked for at least two weeks after offense.)
||“I’m sorry I just thought she looked a lot like my sister / mom / aunt. But I was wrong - my sister / mom / aunt is much prettier.”
|Doing any of the above while she has PMS.
||Massage and foot rub after she’s had a bath and you’ve cleaned the house and put the kids to bed.
||Don’t say anything, just run. Take the kids. Don’t come back until you’ve had a lengthy visit with your mom.