Navigating Girl Dad Challenges with Oscar Peña

In this episode, you will be able to:

1. Understand the unique challenges and joys of raising daughters.
2. Avoid common parenting traps like overprotectiveness and unintentional spoiling, thanks to perspectives
3. Be truly present with your kids by learning practical strategies to engage fully and strengthen your connection.
4. Handle gender expectations with more confidence and foster strong, capable daughters while respecting their individuality.
5. Encourage resilience and self-sufficiency in your kids, focusing on raising empowered and adaptable young women.

On my latest episode of the Great Dad Talks podcast, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Oscar Peña, fellow podcaster and the voice behind the Daughtered Podcast. Oscar brings honest vulnerability and a wealth of lived experience as the dad of three daughters (ages 5, 9, and 13). Our conversation took us into the heart of what it means to parent daughters as modern dads, what we’ve learned (and are still learning), and why being present matters more than perfect parenting.

The Journey of Imperfect Learning

Both Oscar and I shared that, when it comes to parenting—especially as dads of daughters—we are works in progress. Oscar said it best: “I realized I messed up a lot early. And then I just realized, I need to do better. People have done this for centuries. Why am I not talking to other dads?” His journey with podcasting started as a way to break out of his own silo, connect with other dads, and start learning from collective experience.

How Dads Grow: Listening, Admitting Mistakes, and Applying Wisdom

We explored how vital it is to seek advice and build community, instead of going it alone. Oscar talked about getting past those preconceived “scripts” we sometimes inherit:

“I always describe it as … I was enamored and I almost felt like this protective … I went right back to, okay, well, I guess now, she’s the soft one, I’m the harsh one. … I almost wanted to fall into that role because in a way you think, well, that’s easy. You just kind of gave me my script.”

The reality, as we both agreed, is that daughters need more than just the parent who provides material needs or only enforces discipline—they need us to stretch, to be emotionally present, and even to challenge our old beliefs.

Key Challenges and Common Traps for Girl Dads

Oscar and I dug deep into some of the classic “traps” dads of daughters fall into. Here are a few that surfaced in our conversation:

• Overprotecting: It’s easy to try to rescue our daughters from every hardship, but as Oscar reminded me, “I want them to be capable and dependable.” That doesn’t mean rescuing them from every lost bracelet or disappointment—sometimes letting them struggle is a necessary lesson.
• Emotional Transference: Oscar astutely pointed out how easy it is to prioritize your relationship with your daughter over your partner, especially during those all-consuming toddler years: “I had to like snap myself out and be like, oh, my wife’s over there hurting because she just finished doing this [giving birth]. And go check on her as well. But I didn’t want to put [my daughter] down.”
• Not Adapting as They Grow: Children are constantly evolving. Treating daughters as “little kids” too long or expecting them to mature before they’re ready ignores their developmental stages. As Oscar reflected, “My first daughter, I was harder on her than I needed to be … She’s four, relax.”
• Hypersexualization and Boundaries: As our daughters approach their teen years, modern influences and peer pressures create tricky terrain. Oscar’s approach? Open, honest conversations. “I explicitly let them know, hey, there’s no monsters in this house, but there are monsters outside this house … I’ve struggled with it, but I’ll say to her, why do you want to wear that? Just tell me why you want to wear that.”

Navigating Gender and Cultural Expectations

We tackled gender roles both in the home and society. Oscar and I both admitted to sometimes leaning into traditional roles unconsciously—like asking sons to help with “handy” tasks while letting daughters opt out. Oscar made an important distinction for his girls:

“I want my daughters, as they grow, to have opportunities everywhere to do all the things … but I also want them to know that it’s okay to do the mom thing and to raise decent, good humans for society. It’s a good thing.”

Practical Advice for Modern Dads of Daughters

Throughout our conversation, a common thread wove through every piece of advice: Be present.

Oscar’s Top Advice for Dads:

• Figure out how to be present with your daughters—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. As Oscar said, “If you can do anything … start figuring out what present looks like for you.”
• Practice true presence by actively listening. Oscar’s trick: “I’ll watch my daughter’s eyes as she’s talking. I watch her mouth, her hands … I find that if I do that, I actually lose myself in the conversation.”
• Accept and learn from mistakes—every dad does. “As a Neanderthal in the house, I am working so hard to just keep growing. If I can just grow a little bit every day, I’m in a good trajectory.”
• Be grateful for the everyday moments. I summed it up during our talk: “That time is precious. If you spend that time in the car with them, talking to them … golden.”

Final Thoughts

If there’s anything I hope listeners took away from this conversation, it’s that no dad has it all figured out. The best we can do is stay engaged, keep learning, and lean into the fleeting but beautiful moments fatherhood gives us. As Oscar reminded me toward the end, “Until next time, it’s not I have to go pick up my daughter. It’s I get to go.”

Let’s hold onto that sense of gratitude—and keep growing together.

Listen to the full conversation and more episodes at Great Dad Talks, and check out Oscar’s Daughtered Podcast for more insights and community around fathering daughters.