Practicing Resiliency with Fletcher Ellingson

Tune in as Fletcher Ellingson delves into the vital role of developing clear life standards and articulating them—explaining how these standards reflect what we’re willing to settle for in different aspects of our lives. So get ready to be inspired, take notes, and implement these empowering strategies in your own life.

In this episode, you will be able to:

1. Understand the importance of defining and maintaining life standards to achieve personal and family growth.
2. Learn Fletcher Ellingson’s approach of calming down, being curious, showing compassion, and finding creative solutions.
3. Discover a 2-step process to let go of resentment, emphasizing empathy and gratitude for healthier relationships.
4. Explore how gratitude affects the brain’s chemistry and helps build resilience and a positive outlook.
5. Gain insights into reshaping personal narratives and the value of coaching for meaningful life changes.

Hey there, dads. Paul Banas here, host of the Great Dad Talks podcast. In our latest episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Fletcher Ellingson, an author, coach, and an inspiring advocate for personal development. We delved into all things standards, resilience, and the power of gratitude. I’d love to share some of the key takeaways from our enriching conversation.

The Importance of Setting Standards

Fletcher began by emphasizing the significance of developing clear standards in life and articulating them. He pointed out how standards set the benchmark for what we are willing to settle for in various areas of our lives, whether it’s daily habits or long-term goals.

> “Standards reflect what you are willing to settle for,” Fletcher told me. “These can be as simple as making the bed every day or drinking a minimum of 60 ounces of water daily.”

Creating Small but Impactful Habits

We talked about the importance of taking small steps to build impactful habits, rather than aiming for lofty, distant goals.

Key advice on building habits:

• Start small: Focus on achievable daily tasks, like emptying the dishwasher every morning.
• Consistency is key: Small, consistent actions lead to habit formation.
• Set personal standards: Tailor your standards to suit your family’s values and needs.

The 4C Methodology

One of the most valuable lessons from our conversation was Fletcher’s 4C methodology for overcoming upsets. This process involves calming down, cultivating curiosity, showing compassion, and being creative.

The 4C Steps:

1. Calm down: Regulate your nervous system.
2. Curiosity: Get curious about others’ perspectives.
3. Compassion: Show compassion to reduce judgment.
4. Creativity: Create solutions together.

Fletcher mentioned, “It’s important to address resentment and transform it into a more positive outlook. This involves continuously practicing the 4C methodology.”

Transforming Resentment

Resentment can be toxic, and Fletcher proposed a 2-step methodology to deal with it effectively:

1. Decision to surrender resentment: Let go of what doesn’t serve us.
2. Recognize others are doing their best: Understand that people act based on their tools and programming.

> “Resentment only harms the person holding onto it,” Fletcher reminded us.

The Power of Gratitude

Another key highlight was the discussion about “filling up one’s gratitude tank.” Fletcher explained that gratitude changes the brain’s chemical reactions, leading to feel-good emotions and increased resilience.

> “Gratitude is the acknowledgment and appreciation for things outside of ourselves that we cannot take credit for,” he shared.

Integrating Rational and Emotional Aspects

Our conversation also stressed the importance of integrating both rational and emotional aspects when dealing with resilience and positive emotions. Fletcher’s insights on mindset, feeling good, and resilience were truly enlightening.

Key points on resilience and mindset:

1. Practice feeling good: Make it a daily habit.
2. Empower yourself: Bring forth an empowering story in any situation.
3. Seek objectivity: Work with someone objective, like a coach, to facilitate transformation.