Understanding and Eliminating Anger with Dr. Mort Orman

Today’s episode features a truly transformative discussion with Dr. Mort Orman, an expert on anger elimination. This episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice for fathers and anyone looking to transform their handling of anger and emotions. Don’t miss this powerful conversation that could change the way you approach anger and improve your emotional well-being.

In this episode, you will be able to:

1. Discover how unchecked anger can harm your career, relationships, and health.
2. Understand the main cognitive filters that trigger anger: bad behavior perception, harm perception, and unilateral blame.
3. Gain insights into a structured approach to eliminating anger by addressing its root causes.
4. Listen to Paul Banas and Dr. Mort Orman share their experiences and practical advice.
5. Recognize the importance of teaching emotions and self-examination to better manage and eliminate anger.

Hello everyone, Paul Banas here, host of the Great Dad Talks podcast! In our latest episode, I had the immense pleasure of speaking with Dr. Mort Orman, who brought some incredibly insightful perspectives on a topic we all grapple with at some point—anger. As a father and husband, I’ve found his advice deeply impactful, and I’m excited to share some of the key takeaways with you.

The Consequences of Uncontrolled Anger

From the get-go, Mort Orman delved into the harsh reality of uncontrolled anger. According to him, adverse effects can ripple through our careers and relationships. Mort emphasized that many of us suffer due to a significant gap in our education about emotions, relationships, and anger itself.

“We’ve never been taught about emotions—how to understand them, handle them, or even how relationships work. It’s astonishing when you think about it,” Mort pointed out.

The Three Anger Filters

One of the standout moments in our discussion was Mort’s explanation of the three main filters that contribute to anger:

• Perceiving someone’s behavior as bad or wrong.
• Perceiving harm from that behavior.
• Unilateral blame.

He used a personal anecdote to illustrate this, recounting a road incident where he initially felt wronged but then realized his own contribution to the situation. It was a powerful moment of self-awareness.

“The anger lessened the moment I admitted my own role in the incident. Understanding these filters can indeed help to eliminate that anger,” he said.

Eliminating Anger, Not Just Managing It

Mort’s approach to anger isn’t about managing it but eliminating it. He emphasized that understanding the internal triggers of anger could bring about significant change.

“I never liked being angry; it negatively impacted my health and relationships. Understanding internal triggers helps control our reactivity,” Mort shared.

His 10-week coaching program focuses on helping people learn to eliminate anger by teaching them about these filters and how to identify them in their lives.

Applying the Lessons

Mort explained how he gets his students to write down five examples when they were angry before teaching them about the filters. This hands-on approach makes the concept relatable and easier to comprehend.

• Lesson 1 and 2: Introduce the cognitive and behavioral model of where anger comes from.
• Subsequent Lessons: Apply these concepts to real-life examples to make anger dissipate.

Repetition is key to building the “muscle” for dealing with emotions, as both Mort and I agreed.

Evolutionary Triggers and Modern Perceptions

Another fascinating part of our conversation was about our conditioned ways of thinking and perceiving. Mort mentioned how evolutionary knee-jerk reactions and either-or thinking figure into our anger responses. The media often feeds into this black-and-white thinking, exacerbating our emotional responses.

“The media knows how to stoke anger by feeding into binary thinking. It’s important to interrogate information and question our thoughts to distinguish between the truth and perceived truth,” Mort advised.

The Benefits of Personal Development

Despite busy professional lives, Mort underscored the transformative power of personal development work. This not only made him a better physician but helped him understand and control his anger, which he wasn’t taught in medical school.

Health Implications

There’s significant research linking anger to heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, and other health issues. Mort and I both echoed the misconception that anger is just a part of life.

“Pursuing a life free from most anger is possible. Uncontrolled anger serves no real purpose and should be managed and minimized,” Mort concluded.

Final Thoughts

Our chat with Mort Orman was a treasure trove of insights, emphasizing that while some situations might justify anger, unwanted anger wreaks havoc on our health and relationships. As fathers and husbands, learning to recognize and eliminate unnecessary anger can transform our lives.