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Quotes on Parenting

The way I look at it, if my kids are still alive at the end of the day, I’ve done my job.

—Rosanne Barr

For me, parenting is like dieting. Every day, I wake up filled with resolve and good intentions, perfection in view, and every day I somehow stray from the path. The difference is, with dieting I usually make it to lunch.

—Marion Winik

There are three stages in a parent’s life—nutrition, dentition, and tuition.

—Marcelene Cox

Kids aren’t easy, but there has to be some penalty for sex.

—Bill Maher

It’s illegal in forty-seven states to leave a child in a rest room during a family vacation and pretend it was a mistake.

—Erma Bombeck

I never understood why late afternoon is called “Arsenic Hour.” Are you supposed to take it yourself or give it to your kids?

—Mandy Katz

I used to worry about losing my husband to another woman. Now, I’m more afraid of losing my nanny to another woman.

—Sybil Adelman

Parenting requires patience, endurance, forgiveness, understanding. And if the children aren’t willing to do that, it’s going to be tough.

—Gene Perret

For years, my husband and I advocated separate vacations. But the kids kept finding us.

—Erma Bombeck

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

—Erma Bombeck

The thing to remember about fathers is, they’re men.

—Phyllis McGinley