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You are here: Home / Dad / Divorced Dads / 5 rules for divorced dads

5 rules for divorced dads

June 29, 2007 by Paul Banas 4 Comments

As a child of divorce (my parents divorced when I was four), I can personally say that divorce can be, or maybe always is, hardest on the kids. It should be a decision of last resort when kids are involved and very clearly the “least bad” of your options in a bad marriage.

That said, it does occur and divorced dads have special challenges.

Divorced dads have a lot to prove since they will likely take at least half the blame for the break up of the family. If you’re a divorced dad, you are also likely to have lost custody of your kids. You’re less present for them everyday and need to make the most of your time with your kids.

Divorced dads should follow all the tips for regular dads, but should be especially attentive to these.

  • Never date or marry any woman who wants to put herself ahead of your kids. It doesn’t matter how pretty, sexy, wealthy, intelligent, funny or seemingly caring she is. When you had kids, you made a covenant to put them ahead of everything. When all else fades, your relationship with them will be the strongest love of your life.
  • Never compare siblings. This goes doubly for step-brothers and sisters. If you compare them for any reason, at almost any age, you give your own children a reason to doubt your love for them.
  • Make twice the effort to be at every game, school play, and birthday.
  • A corollary to #3, move or stay wherever your kids live. Other places may beckon but your place is close to your family.
  • Never discuss your ex-wife. This last might be especially difficult given the circumstances for your divorce. However, no matter how great the joy may be in the moment to say something negative about your ex-spouse, you will gain nothing from it in the long run. If your spouse is as bad as you say, it will be obvious to the kids. If not, they will hold it against you.

– Paul Banas
  Founder/Editor

Filed Under: Divorced Dads

About Paul Banas

Paul Banas is happy married dad of two great kids living in San Francisco. He writes now about kids, new technology and how the two interact for GreatDad.com and for Pregnancy Magazine (pregnancymagazine.com) where he is also the publisher.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Rick says

    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    About #5, I don’t have to dis my ex, my 6year old son hates his mom, boyfriend and half-brother, they all had something to do with his abuse. That’s why he now lives with me.

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  2. Martha says

    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    If my ex-husband could keep to one of those rules it would make my kids happier than anything else in the world. Saddly ANY event takes priority over the kids. He’s one of those that just gives men a bad name.

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  3. Michelle says

    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    That’s great if you “Don’t need to dis the ex”. Sounds like she’s doing it for you. I sense a bit of animosity, though, like you’re actually relieved.

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  4. Brett says

    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    My 9 year old son also hates his mother and half sister. He was verbally abused and harrased by them for years He also lives with me and does not want to even see his mother

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Great Dad Talks is a series of conversations with experts on all aspects of the family adventure. With the perspective that “dads don’t always think like moms,” our mission is to support dad voices and our slightly different approaches to parenting. We’ll try to find solutions to every day challenges like getting kids off the couch and making STEM classes available for both boys and girls. But we’ll also tackle bigger issues when they come. The one main theme will be to support dads in the most important role of their lives that of being a great dad. Connect with us at greatdad.com and watch the video version of these podcasts at YouTube.com/greatdadnews

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Michael shares the transformative power of his unique “spin” method—a tool rooted in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)—that helps kids, parents, and even whole families quickly change negative emotional patterns in just minutes. Listen in as Michael walks Paul through an anxiety-busting spin live, explains why dads’ involvement is critical to healthy families, and shares actionable tips on self-forgiveness and resilience.

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