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Sex after pregnancy – a national magazine wants to know!

Paul Banas
Author Paul Banas
Submitted 19-02-2010

Here is a reporter’s query from a national magazine doing research for an upcoming story on sex after pregnancy. Rarely do you see such frank talk about sex after pregnancy, albeit posed as questions. This query, quoted below, poses questions that a lot of men ask themselves. Sex after pregnancy is a topic almost never discussed between men, lost as it is in all the changes including loss of sleep, heightened sense of responsibility and pride of fatherhood.

I would like to hear from moms with newborns (as well as moms with older children, for comparison) about how they feel or felt about sex for the first year or two after childbirth. In particular, I’d like to know:

  • Did your desire diminish or disappear entirely? (FYI, this is totally normal; hence this story…)
  • Did you expect to feel the way you did about sex after the baby? Did anyone prepare you for this?
  • Did your partner’s interest in sex change at all?
  • Did you realize that couples who have sex less than 10 times a year are considered to be in “sexless marriages” (which would mean many postpartum couples are indeed in sexless marriages)?
  • If you find yourself with a baby and little or no sexual desire, when (if ever) would you seek help? Or do you assume this is something that will remedy itself as your child grows older? Moms with older children are invited to weigh in with their wisdom/experiences, particularly if they experienced a sexual lull but have managed to overcome it.

I hope this is an extensive story. The changes in the dynamics of a couple’s relationship with the addition of kids are important to explore. Otherwise, all involved continue to have different expectations of what is “normal” for other couples in their evolution from adolescents to adults to parents. The worst thing for a marriage is a nagging feeling that changes aren’t inevitable and that your particular situation is different than everyone up and down the street.