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You are here: Home / Kids / Disciplining Someone Else’s Child – A Guide for Dads

Disciplining Someone Else’s Child – A Guide for Dads

October 7, 2008 by Paul Banas Leave a Comment

Some day you’re going to be on a playground or in your own house, and will find yourself ready to discipline a child who is not your own. As soon as kids are able to have playdates, you’ll get a close-up view of the behavior issues of other little kids.  Whether their behavior is due to lax parenting, different expectations, or individual differences, the reaction will be the same: you’ll feel that you should step in to say something to the child.   

There are some things you can do to prevent discipline issues from occurring.

1.    Talk to the other parents to make sure you know hot buttons up front. Maybe their child is used to watching TV on playdates and you don’t allow that. Setting that expectation is sometime easier to do by the other parent.

2.    Set down clear rules. Kids need boundaries. If you don’t want them playing on the piano, say so.

If you feel you are feeling you need to react, here are a few things you should consider before jumping into the fray.

1.    First, are you reacting to a black and white situation? If your playdate guest is hitting another child, clearly you need to step in and stop the action.  

2.    Remember that everyone has different standards for correct behavior. Don’t correct another child for not saying “thank you” or “please.” That is not your role.

3.    Don’t watch the kids interactions too closely and feel you need to step in constantly to monitor social values like sharing. You may not be allowing the kids enough leeway to develop these skills on their own.

4.    Don’t embarrass your guests or your own kids. Kids are even more sensitive than adults about getting a dressing down in front of their peers. If you need to say something, say it to the group: “Let’s ALL stop kicking the ball in the house.” If it’s your own child, take a moment in private to mention something you think needs attention.

5.    Never spank someone else’s child or yell at them. Focus on stopping dangerous behavior, not punishment.

Finally, if you do have to step in to discipline someone else’s child, make sure you take a moment away from the children, to explain the situation to the other parent. In almost all situations, the other parent will want to hear what happened and will trust your judgment, unless he or she finds out later when the child whines, “Mr. Smith was mean to me.” That will earn you a spot on the “do not call for playdates list.”

Filed Under: Kids

About Paul Banas

Paul Banas is happy married dad of two great kids living in San Francisco. He writes now about kids, new technology and how the two interact for GreatDad.com and for Pregnancy Magazine (pregnancymagazine.com) where he is also the publisher.

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Great Dad Talks is a series of conversations with experts on all aspects of the family adventure. With the perspective that “dads don’t always think like moms,” our mission is to support dad voices and our slightly different approaches to parenting. We’ll try to find solutions to every day challenges like getting kids off the couch and making STEM classes available for both boys and girls. But we’ll also tackle bigger issues when they come. The one main theme will be to support dads in the most important role of their lives that of being a great dad. Connect with us at greatdad.com and watch the video version of these podcasts at YouTube.com/greatdadnews

Spinning Out Family Stress with Michael Blair
byPaul Banas

Welcome to another episode of Great Dad Talks! This week, I sit down with life coach and former psychologist Michael Blair to explore modern tools for family harmony, emotional healing, and child development.

Michael shares the transformative power of his unique “spin” method—a tool rooted in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)—that helps kids, parents, and even whole families quickly change negative emotional patterns in just minutes. Listen in as Michael walks Paul through an anxiety-busting spin live, explains why dads’ involvement is critical to healthy families, and shares actionable tips on self-forgiveness and resilience.

Check out Michael’s website at blaircounselingandcoaching.com

Visit these links and embark on the path to becoming the best parent you can be:

– GreatDad.com/coaching 

– GreatDad.com/pq 

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