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Top 3 ways to ruin your daughters “sexy” Halloween costume

Author James Dunsford
Submitted 28-10-2010

Halloween: A father's worst nightmare. When you were a kid, Halloween costumes were always homemade and usually involved your dad's clothing, tin foil and duct tape. (Maybe even your mom's clothing. No judgment here.)

These days, the weeks leading up to the big night involve spending long hours at specialty stores in the mall and browsing kid costumes that cost more than your first car. But trust us, your son's incessant begging for an Iron Man suit is not your biggest concern.

Save your Halloween stress for the moment your daughter puts the word "sexy" in front of her costume. Here's why. In teenage-girl speak, "sexy" is synonymous with – wait for it – slutty. And, whether you want to believe it or not, she's well aware of that fact (for real).

Other synonyms to be wary of include "fun," "flirty" and "cute."

If she says her costume is really "sweet," we suggest threatening her with boarding school, a convent, or a second round of braces.

Here are three ways to prevent your daughter from looking like a streetwalker on the most "fun" night of the year.

1. Shame her into more modest apparel. The one-two punch: tell her that she really should have hit the gym first if she planned on wearing something so revealing. Follow that remark up with a quick: you're not actually going to eat all that candy, are you sweetie?

2. Give her door duty. Donning a hot outfit will be less thrilling if she's relegated to the front porch for the evening. Nothing will dampen the thrill of being a "sexy (insert noun here)" more than handing out mini-chocolate bars to greedy 5-years-olds all night. She'll be cold, miserable and unzipping her vinyl thigh-high boots in no time.

3. Pay her $50 to go as Justin Bieber. No one – man, woman, child or other – will be interested in a Justin Bieber look alike (unless one of her pals is going as Kim Kardashian – that could make things awkward).

In the end, if none of your attempts to foil her promiscuous ensemble work, remind her to be safe, carry a flashlight, and make it clear that if she doesn't make curfew there will be blood. There. Will. Be. Blood.