A trip to the beach is supposed to a time to simply relax and revel in the natural beauties of a vacant landscape. Facing the vast expanse of sand and sea, it’s easy to just enjoy the sun on your face and forget about all of your responsibilities in the office buildings and homes that clutter your inland turf.
Of course, not every trip to the beach goes like it’s supposed to, and as fathers know, nothing can change your plans more quickly than a posse of kids for whom you’re responsible.
Suddenly, your time spent sun tanning is cut short when you’re called upon to remove the sand from your toddler’s sandwich. In lieu of catching some waves, you may have to apologize to the woman who was just hit in the back with a football. And the one thing that can topple the overwhelming sense of comfort of a beach at sunset is the gargantuan libido of an adolescent in a bathing suit.
But because a day at the beach is a gift too precious to be squandered, be sure to strategize before heading out on the sandy battlefield. Remember, you only have a few months before a day at the beach means you’re lost, not on vacation.
This summer, remember the top 5 ways to enjoy yourself at the beach:
1.) Have your kids bury each other: As a glorious gift to parents, kids actually enjoy being buried at the beach. Encourage your kids to do this early in the day, and take your time uncovering them. Of course, there will be one left above ground once this is completed, but otherwise it’s just you and the surf.
2.) Bring sunglasses and a magazine: No, not to read – you can do that anywhere. This decoy ploy has for years allowed men to check out the beach babes without the wife knowing.
3.) Strategically apply suntan lotion: Do this in private at the beginning of the day, and then revel in your family’s amusement that night as they see "Life’s A Beach" tanned onto your chest.
4.) Pretend to lose your wedding ring: Sometimes there’s nothing more fun than pranking the mother of your children. Just be sure to pull this gag BEFORE she catches you gazing at other women over an upside down magazine.
5.) Destroy a sandcastle: Yes, you’re a role model now, but there’s nothing wrong with pretending you’re Godzilla and taking down a beach town once everyone else has left for the day.