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About Steve Johnston

Here are my most recent posts

Seven Things She Hates about You

You get the icy stare, the brush off when you give her a squeeze, or worse, no boom-boom in the bedroom. Is it the baby hormones kicking in or out, or is it really you? Here’s some insight on seven things she hates about you, and how you might tone down her disdain.

1. You don’t finish what you start: Women seem to be wired to want to do a 150% effort on household chores, while we are happy to wallow in an extra layer of grime for a few more days. Also, we’re happy emptying half the dishwasher while feeding the kids, and emptying the rest later during a commercial break while watching football. Not so with the missus. She likes it done, finished, and checked off her never-ending household to do list.

2. You leave all the doors open: Were you born in a barn? How hard would it be to close the drawer or close a cabinet door? Yeah, I agree – it’s silly. After all, we’re just going to open them again anyway. But remember, the missus likes stuff tidy.

3. You don’t know what she needs emotionally before she realizes she needs it: The only thing you can do here is to continuously, and I mean daily or hourly, reassure her that you appreciate all the work she does and why you’re lucky God put her on this planet to be your partner. I can’t guarantee it will work, but it’s safer than just sending flowers on V-day.

 

4. You want sex on your terms: Especially now post-baby, she’s probably not into animal couplings behind a tree in the park with the baby stroller within arms reach, while this to you doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. She wants to re-find the romance she thinks she has coming to her after reading too many English novels while in college. You may get lucky with a quickie from time to time after baby, but you probably need to adjust your schedule to allow more time for warm-up snuggling, loving words, and lots and lots of patience (and masturbation).

5. You nag her about her expensive tastes: You express shock and dismay about the cost of purse or cosmetics but expect her to fully endorse toy purchases like the “sports package” for your new station wagon or a new fiberglass hoop for the garage. She’ll probably still nag you about your spending on toys, but she’ll never like it when you notice hers. Tip here: have her keep track of expenses in Quicken.

6. Maintain some level of privacy: She doesn’t necessarily want your company while in the bathroom. Some couples are fine with togetherness in the little room, and others draw numerical distinctions. Whatever her prejudice, respect her choice.

 

7. You no longer send her flowers: Never commit this sin for too long, or you’ll have to put plumbing and electricity in the doghouse. Everyone likes to feel special, but a woman 10 times more so. It doesn’t have to be diamonds and furs, but remember little things you used to do like ordering her a CD you think she’d like or arranging to take her out on a real date (and no, pizza with the baby does not count).

Fix all those and stay in line every day and, not only will you be loved, but you can donate your cajones to science. They serve no further purpose.

The Fertility Secret You Should Never Tell

As a guy, we warn you about one key thing that should be a pact between you and your wife. Neither of you should ever tell anyone who’s “fault” it is that you’re having trouble getting pregnant (if you even want to share that with others). Of course, if you’re the “let it all hang out” types, this advice doesn’t apply. However, if your wife, or even you, shares the secret, you can guarantee that this one will make the rounds in warp speed in a whisper campaign about your fertility. Sure, it’s not tied to your virility, but it is gossip that most men especially, would rather nip in the bud. And, the only way to do that, is to not tell anyone, including sisters, brothers, and especially mothers-in-laws.

Talking about fertility options with your wife.

What Guys Can Expect at the Fertility Clinic

If the fertility clinic requires insertion of your sperm into
your wife’s uterus or cervix, you’ll be asked to go to the fertility
clinic and provide a good strong dose while she is propped up and
waiting for your sperm. This experience is likely more like the
fertility clinic stories you’ve heard. A nurse, likely female, will
lead you into a small, usually windowless room. In it, will be a
comfortable chair, a TV, a bunch of magazines and a stack of towels.
The nurse will put a towel down on the chair, invite you to sit down,
and tell you to give back the sample when you’re finished. At this
point, she will assume you don’t need any more assistance or direction.
Your wife will not be invited to join in to help you out.

But wait, there is still one more shock possible. Sometimes, one
sample is not enough and you’ll be summoned back from the waiting room
to “go again.” Depending on your age and energy, this will either be a
happy opportunity to explore another shelf of the DVD collection or a
challenge to your virility.

The fertility secret you should never tell.

What Guys Can Expect at the Fertility Clinic

If the fertility clinic requires insertion of your sperm into
your wife’s uterus or cervix, you’ll be asked to go to the fertility
clinic and provide a good strong dose while she is propped up and
waiting for your sperm. This experience is likely more like the
fertility clinic stories you’ve heard. A nurse, likely female, will
lead you into a small, usually windowless room. In it, will be a
comfortable chair, a TV, a bunch of magazines and a stack of towels.
The nurse will put a towel down on the chair, invite you to sit down,
and tell you to give back the sample when you’re finished. At this
point, she will assume you don’t need any more assistance or direction.
Your wife will not be invited to join in to help you out.

But wait, there is still one more shock possible. Sometimes, one
sample is not enough and you’ll be summoned back from the waiting room
to “go again.” Depending on your age and energy, this will either be a
happy opportunity to explore another shelf of the DVD collection or a
challenge to your virility.

The fertility secret you should never tell.

Talking About Fertility Options With Your Wife

Fertility issues – when it’s the guy’s fault

First of all, fertility is a medical issue and difficulties conceiving a baby are never anyone’s “fault.” You can repeat this over and over again, but it is true that in our culture, it is a big hit to your masculinity if you can’t father a child. People may feel sorry for a woman with fertility troubles but no one makes any assumptions or jokes about her femininity.

That’s why we suggest that early on in the baby making process, you have an honest discussion with your partner about fertility and fatherhood. This discussion should cover all the ways you both would feel comfortable about having a baby. Would you artificially inseminate? Use in vitro (IVF – conception in a test tube)? Use a sperm donor? Adopt? It’s important that both partners are very honest about their feelings on the options. Once you begin, it’s easy to keep adding on steps incrementally as frustration with not “getting pregnant” continues.

The fertility secret you should never tell.