Talking About Fertility Options With Your Wife

Fertility issues – when it’s the guy’s fault

First of all, fertility is a medical issue and difficulties conceiving a baby are never anyone’s “fault.” You can repeat this over and over again, but it is true that in our culture, it is a big hit to your masculinity if you can’t father a child. People may feel sorry for a woman with fertility troubles but no one makes any assumptions or jokes about her femininity.

That’s why we suggest that early on in the baby making process, you have an honest discussion with your partner about fertility and fatherhood. This discussion should cover all the ways you both would feel comfortable about having a baby. Would you artificially inseminate? Use in vitro (IVF – conception in a test tube)? Use a sperm donor? Adopt? It’s important that both partners are very honest about their feelings on the options. Once you begin, it’s easy to keep adding on steps incrementally as frustration with not “getting pregnant” continues.

The fertility secret you should never tell.