• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Because dads don’t always think like moms™

  • Dad
    • Celebrities
    • Gay Dads
    • Sex
    • Single Dads
  • Pregnancy
    • Labor or Delivery
    • Pregnant Wife
  • Baby
    • Baby Naming
    • Feeding
    • Sleep
    • Toilet Training
  • Kids
  • Teens
  • Activities
    • Local
    • By Age
    • Movie Reviews
    • Celebrations
  • Toys
    • We Recommend
    • Toys
  • Coaching for Dads
  • Great Dad Talks Podcast

Daddy Needs a Drink: Kiddie Showdown

September 22, 2006 by GreatDad Writers Leave a Comment

DaddydrinkSometimes I think my son London was serially robbed in a past life. Unlike his sister Poppy who, at age 4, would have given away half her possessions to her worst enemy, London guards all his gear like Montgomery Burns on his deathbed.

If I ask London if he wants to invite a playmate from his playgroup over to our playhouse, he’ll wrinkle his nose like he just smelled a fart and spit, “Damn babies. They’ll just come over and steal my trains.” Then he’ll gather up whichever locomotives are within reach and scramble for a decent hiding place.

On London’s birthday in May, we went to the newly renovated Cowgirl’s Kiddie Corral for dinner. The Corral was quite active, and Poppy spotted an old friend she knew and gathered the other kids spazzing on the Astroturf to play some sort of game that involved running, tagging and the hurling of plastic stools in the shape of milk jugs. We had just given London a pair of inexpensive toy cars so he had something to open on his actual birthday (we had held a joint party for Poppy and London a week prior). Before London joined the fray, he wondered what to do with the red and yellow cast metal vehicles. He spied me, the exhausted and otherwise immobile father, lounging in a plastic chair.

“Dad,” he whispered. “Hold these. Don’t let anyone take them.” Then he was off, running along the same dog track as the rest of the kiddos. About three laps later, London exited the course and came to check on his gifts. I held them in my open palms so he could inspect each sports car for scratches or unnecessary wear-and-tear. A tow-headed boy, just over a year old, noticed London’s frequent breaks from the game and padded over to see what could rip an older kid away from their collective hijinks. We soon learned from the boy’s parents who shared our table that the toddler was named Cameron, and he was the product of a British father and American mother. This parental combination impacted his speech so that he had the accent of a soccer hooligan with the garbled syntax of one of our own.

“Car. Want. Izzz,” Cameron said, standing behind London.

“Don’t let him take them, Dad.” London pushed the items deeper into my palms then closed my fists around them.

“Why don’t you show them to him?” I suggested. “I’m sure he just wants to look.”

“No way. He’ll steal them and then I won’t have any.”

I tried to cajole our new friend into telling my mini-miser that he would give them back but if Cameron had such benevolent inclinations, they were lost in translation.

“Car. Want. Mine. Irgg,” he said before both lads went looking for pails of milk to toss.

Within minutes, Cameron ditched London, wandered back to me and began monosyllabic negotiations for the release of the toy autos. I explained in my best PC parentspeak that London’s inner infant wasn’t comfortable sharing right now.

The ambling Ameribrit wouldn’t give up, repeating his terms over and over. London spied our conversation from atop the play structure and raced toward our table. However, just before he reached us, he slowed down, shoved his hands in his pockets and adopted the cool gait of one of The Bowery Boys. He rocked on his heels and glanced sideways at his new nemesis. “What are you doing over here, Camera?” he asked coyly.

“Car. Want. Yes. Brzzz,” Cameron answered flatly, never clouding his intentions.

London turned to face the outlaw, formalizing this little shaver showdown in the Kiddie Corral. Neither cowboy was armed with Colt or crayon, yet I still expected one of them to yell “draw” at any moment. Instead, London, who has never been a fan of conflict, decided to act in true Wilder form.

“Poppy, come on! We’re leaving,” he yelled to his sister.

Then he turned to me, his palm out. “Dad, hand over my cars. It’s time for us to go.”

 

– Robert Wilder

 

Reproduced with permission granted by Santa fe Reporter.

 

 

Filed Under: Authors

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
SIGN-UP TODAY to receive the only baby newsletter written by dads, for dads. Act now and receive a free copy of the popular GreatDad E-Book!
My baby's due date or birthday :
Profile picture
Privacy Policy and Terms
Baby Name Finder!

what's in a name

  • Show names for:
  • Boys
  • Girls
  • Either
Finding a name you can both agree on isn't always easy. Use our simple name generator to get started.
First Letter
Last Letter
Number of Letters
Origin
Find a name!

More to See

family under a cardboard

Over 40? The Five Types of Insurance You Should Have

October 22, 2022 By Contributing Authors

A Dad’s Guide to Bonding with Your Kids Through Computer Games

May 5, 2022 By Contributing Authors

Tags

529 Plan budgeting for teens college savings compromise dad dads Father's Day fatherhood friendship in-laws love marriage Movie Review parenting advice parenting skills prepaid cards ritual Sundays travel vacation

Footer

Hi mom!

Would you like to share this site with your husband or a friend?

Just enter his email address and your name below and we'll let him know all about GreatDad.com.

His email address
Your Name

Recent

  • Special Clarity session – $25
  • Over 40? The Five Types of Insurance You Should Have
  • A Dad’s Guide to Bonding with Your Kids Through Computer Games
  • 5 Ways to Prepare Your Child for a Surgical Procedure
  • How to get kids excited about dental hygiene

Search

Tags

529 Plan budgeting for teens college savings compromise dad dads Father's Day fatherhood friendship in-laws love marriage Movie Review parenting advice parenting skills prepaid cards ritual Sundays travel vacation

Copyright © 2023 . GreatDad