Perhaps the most important male/male discussion I have had regarding women, and in particular pregnant women, was with my brother-in-law, Jay. He asked me to lunch to discuss and describe examples of what a father-to-be could expect during the coming months of gestation. He actually said that women have all the books, pamphlets, and flyers needed to help guide them through these months. He found that guys have very little, if anything, to reference from a man’s point of view to help them through these wonderfully difficult months. Having just gone through it, (producing a son) he wanted to share his first-hand observations and learned behavioral patterns, in the hopes of sparing his sister and me some of the growing pains he and his wife had experienced.

We had a great lunch. He shared funny stories of some of his pregnant wife’s peculiar behavioral situations to help illustrate his various points. Now, seeing that I have been known to hyperbolize or embellish the truth to help lubricate an otherwise dry topic or story, I have chosen not to reproduce in writing the instances that he gave to drive home the most important piece of information that I have gleaned so far. Do not, however, allow this to deter you from fully understanding this most significant condensed piece of information:

Do not argue with a pregnant woman.

Do not argue with a pregnant woman. What she experiences the baby experiences. Her discomfort, physical and/or mental, is the baby’s discomfort. Lest we forget our goal: The goal here is to deliver a healthy, happy baby a few months from now. All that lends itself to this goal should be incorporated, because a happy baby is one of life’s biggest joys.

Do not argue with a pregnant woman for it serves no purpose. With all of the extra hormones that have been activated, you may find there is little emotional stability. There may be no sane point of reference from which to advocate your beliefs. Whatever semblance of sanity this woman previously held, that you had loved and admired, can vacate her mind, soul and body in a millisecond (kind of like the days before the wedding). What used to be OK can now be not OK in a nanosecond. The reasons for which she fell in love with you can now make her feel sick to her stomach. And worst of all, she may not hesitate to tell you about it!

Do not argue with a pregnant woman. It is best to claim responsibility for all problems big and small before they become an issue between you. A simple real-life example: My pregnant wife and I went to the movies, in a not-so-good part of town. She drove. She left the headlights on (to light up the parking lot? To make it easier to find the car in broad daylight?). When we came out, the battery was dead. Having remembered the discussion with my brother-in-law and this new pregnancy credo, instead of making some snarky remark I immediately chimed with, “I’m sorry honey, it’s my fault. I saw you turn them on, I made a mental note to check them before we went into the movies, I forgot to do so, It’s my fault.” You will be amazed at how liberating it can be to not fight.

I am not inferring that a pregnant woman cannot make and hold a cogent, intelligent, and valid argument! I am simply saying that if you can help to avoid pointless arguments and she can remain steadily happy, it will help the baby.

Hopefully, at some point a month or so after delivery, she will remember the gallant swallowing of pride and bile you went through to avoid fighting with her during those trying months. If not, you still avoided arguments for six months!

Do not argue with a pregnant woman 

UNLESS

she is smoking, drinking, or you have some other huge investment at stake. Protecting one’s family, home, and possessions still falls on the guy’s shoulders in most relationships. Not wanting your pregnant wife to drink or smoke falls under protecting the health of your child and your family. The validity of this argument is documented with so much medical evidence that there is no counter argument. If your wife was a smoker before pregnancy and gave it up cold turkey, she may try to sneak a puff or two a couple of weeks after quitting. Hopefully, this regression will make her turn green and feel so sick that you can support her in sickness and in not smoking, rather than fighting with her.

If that fails, you must make your feelings known, strongly, evenly, and unequivocally.

– Grant Eppler

Sacramento, California

Grant Eppler is author of Every Guy’s Guide as to What to Expect When She’s Expecting.