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You are here: Home / Dad / Divorced Dads / Maintaining Relationships with Teenagers after Divorce

Maintaining Relationships with Teenagers after Divorce

August 12, 2008 by GreatDad Writers Leave a Comment

Divorced non-custodial parents often find that they struggle to maintain healthy relationships with their children, especially during the adolescent years. Clinical psychologist Anthony E. Wolf weighs in on this issue by suggesting that you find a balance between smothering your teens and abandoning them.

Author of six parenting books, including Get out of my life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager, Wolf says that it is par for the course for teenagers to assert their independence by rebelling regardless of whether or not their parents are happily married or divorced. Teens would rather be hanging out with their friends than going to the mall with you.  


The Added Challenge of Divorce

However, the additional hurdle comes when the children feel like they need to or should pick a side with feuding parents. The other alternative would be for them to wait it out in the ambiguous middle, which can be confusing and painful. Teenagers may blame the parent who they think was in the wrong. Furthermore, the children tend to side with the parent they are living with – often the mother – and that can increase the emotional distance as well.


Creating a Balance

All hope is not lost though. It is important not to pester your children too much, especially during adolescence when they are trying to prove that they are not children. You don’t want to keep pushing your children because they will push back. That is a battle neither of you will win.

Don’t turn a blind eye either. Always remember important dates like birthdays, holidays, big exams, and key school events. Call your children but not constantly. Suggest that you spend face-to-face time together but don’t force the issue. Even though it may be frustrating to make an effort which yields little positive response, you should continue to show interest in your children. Eventually they will recognize your concern and warmth.

Long-term Hope

You may feel so beat down at times that you want to give up and walk away. This is a natural reaction. Nevertheless, keep in mind that despite the rejected dinner invitations and sighs of annoyance, deep down your children do still care. They would be disappointed if you stopped behaving like their parent.

The silver lining is that if you can stick by your children during their teenage years it is likely that they will begin to see you in a new light once they enter young adulthood. Their perspective will change and a healthy relationship can progress from there.

Filed Under: Divorced Dads

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Great Dad Talks is a series of conversations with experts on all aspects of the family adventure. With the perspective that “dads don’t always think like moms,” our mission is to support dad voices and our slightly different approaches to parenting. We’ll try to find solutions to every day challenges like getting kids off the couch and making STEM classes available for both boys and girls. But we’ll also tackle bigger issues when they come. The one main theme will be to support dads in the most important role of their lives that of being a great dad. Connect with us at greatdad.com and watch the video version of these podcasts at YouTube.com/greatdadnews

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Welcome to another episode of Great Dad Talks! This week, I sit down with life coach and former psychologist Michael Blair to explore modern tools for family harmony, emotional healing, and child development.

Michael shares the transformative power of his unique “spin” method—a tool rooted in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)—that helps kids, parents, and even whole families quickly change negative emotional patterns in just minutes. Listen in as Michael walks Paul through an anxiety-busting spin live, explains why dads’ involvement is critical to healthy families, and shares actionable tips on self-forgiveness and resilience.

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