The way back home—making your way back into your child’s life

Divorce tends to take a painful toll on the whole family, but it’s the children you worry about the most. Some dads may constantly feel guilty, experience a sense of loss in the whole affair, and have various conflicting emotions resulting from many unresolved issues. This inner turmoil is likely to affect the relationship between children and their fathers, and cause further separation and a sense of alienation between children and their parents.

Here are the top five things that worry divorced dads:

• Are my children angry with me and just not showing it? Will they blame me with everything that goes wrong with their life?
• Will my children ever be able to enjoy the same sense of security and freedom as other people’s children?
• Have they become nervous and withdrawn? Will they be capable of forming healthy relationships?
• Will my children have difficulty coping with their studies? Will they start failing their grades?
• Are they having bad dreams? Do they sleep well?

Divorced fathers need to understand that part of fixing a broken home involves re-connecting with the post-divorce child. If you have gained custody after divorce, you may need to deal with the possibility of your children’s resentment about ‘losing’ their mother. Sometimes, you can see it like a banner rising in their eyes: “It’s your fault.” Here are some ways to deal with this problem without the use of retribution.

• Don’t keep your children out of the decisions involving divorce.
• Reassure them repeatedly that it’s not their fault it’s happened.
• Let them know that you are still their father and will always be there for them when needed.