- Check out the situation: Before you decide that your children are turning into a tattletale, take stock of the situation yourself. Your children need to learn not to tattle, but they also need to feel secure in the knowledge that they can ask for help when necessary. You might tell your youngsters that it’s okay to alert you when someone does something dangerous, but they may still have trouble differentiating dangerous from annoying. (Is jumping on the bed dangerous, for instance?)
- Don’t make the payoff: There are lots of situations, of course, where safety isn’t at stake. In these cases, if you punish the other child you’ll reinforce the tattling. If you refrain from jumping in, your kids will soon understand that some battles are meant to be handled by them alone, and that they can be proud of themselves when they handle a situation solo
- Explore alternatives together: When they run into a difficult situation, your youngsters need guidance on what to do instead of tattling. Tell them, “William, I can help you more if you calm down and tell me what happened.” The idea is to reassure them that they can handle things, and then empower them with strategies to do it
- Go back to the bargaining table: Once you’ve heard the complaint, assessed the danger, and helped your children come up with potential solutions, send them back into the fray. What you want is for your youngsters to develop their own problem-solving abilities.
What to do about tattling
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171. Why Being a Present Dad Matters with John David
In this episode, I talk with John David, a PR and crisis management professional and author of the mystery/thriller novel The Bystander, about what he discovered through being a dad. John shares how fatherhood became one of the things he’s most proud of, how he felt an early emotional bond with his kids, and how providing a calm, nonjudgmental sense of safety helped them come to him for support even as adults. We discuss the sacrifices parents make, the importance of embracing unexpected roles like Cub Scouts leadership, and how empty nesting gave John the time to rediscover fiction and write his novel. John also explains the premise of The Bystander and his writing process.
Check out John’s website at byjohndavid.substack.com
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– GreatDad.com/coaching
– GreatDad.com/pq
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