Top Ten MOM Tips for Getting Laid

After reading the article entitled “Top Ten Dad Tips for Getting Laid”, I thought it best to give some tips from a wife’s point of view. Armed with tips from both of us, you just might get lucky.

1. Date Night: Instead of flowers and champagne, break out some moderately priced wine and plan a night out. Take her to a restaurant and hold hands while you walk through the park. Flowers should be an “anyday” gift.

2. Be a Great Dad and husband:This means, spending time with your kids, being your wonderful self, etc., every day… not just when you want to “tap that”. (There’s no way that you’re going to “get any” during your toddler’s nap, by the way. You better be prepared for all-day missions.

3. Three Words: Full Body Massage. Every woman loves a massage; buy some subtly scented oil and offer your lady-love a rubdown. We’re ALWAYS tired, sore, and always appreciative of massages.

4. Watch a ROMANTIC COMEDY! I know it’s against the very fiber of your being, but if you surprise her by coming home with a rom com, AND laugh (or sniff) at the appropriate times, you may just get a little romance of your own afterwards. WARNING: Make sure the movie at least one great sexy scene. (Recommended movies: Romancing the Stone, When Harry Met Sally, Princess Bride, The Wedding Singer / 50 First Dates OR Fever Pitch)

5. Do little things EVERY day: We fully appreciate it when you do some chores, but it’s not just about making grand gestures. It’s about everyday little things like:

• making sure your clothes get to the laundry basket
• turning the fan on in the bathroom
• telling your wife she looks pretty in the morning
• a kiss and a pat on the butt before you leave (not a grab, a pat)
• telling her to take a break and taking over dinner

6. Watch something sexy on TV. (Throwing your TV out will backfire in the long run.) Why not cuddle and watch something sexy like Mad Men; all women LOVE that sexy bastard Don Draper. It’s sexy without being over the top.

7. HAVE some quickie sex! If we’re being realistic, sometimes quickie sex is the better option. Women like to “have a happy ending” too! Make sure she’s happy and then make yourself happy. Time is a factor when you have kids and sometimes a 60-minute session isn’t the answer.

8. Do a funny striptease. Women love a sense of humor and it doesn’t matter what you look like if you’re making her laugh. Keep her laughing all the way to the bed, and then get down to it.

9.Tell your wife how hot she is… and mean it. She may not have time to look like a movie star every day, but take a few minutes and really look at the woman you love, the mother of your children, and remember why you married her in the first place, then tell her.

10. Surprise her. Any surprise is a great one, whether it’s her favorite roses, an hour at the spa, or just a glass of wine at the neighborhood pub. When a husband goes to the trouble of setting up a surprise, then night usually ends in bliss.

Remember – Moms / wives aren’t made of stone, and we’re certainly not naïve. We’re all about equality. Put some effort in on your end and you may get some effort back. Maybe.

–Lilly Gordon is a freelance web publisher and writer. She is a Mom of two, stellar wife (most of the time) and enjoys writing and researching on a variety of topics, especially topics on marriage, weddings, flowers and the way to a woman’s heart.